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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm so worried I'm going to lose my job!

103 replies

MadJeffBarn · 30/01/2017 06:54

In this past month alone i've had time off for tonsillitus, my daughter having d&v, and today I've had to take time off again because both my kids are ill with d&v. I'm currently already waiting for a disciplinary hearing with HR as my bout of tonsillitus brought my yearly sickness level to red. But I don't know what to do! I was hoping that my eldest might just have had a bit of a dicky tummy but she's really unwell. I just have a sick feeling in my stomach about taking more time off :( my work only has a certain about of sympathy for time off and tbh I feel like they would be justified in thinking I'm taking the piss. But I'm really not!

OP posts:
OnceIWas7YearsOld · 30/01/2017 08:31

You can claim to the tribunal for being subject to a detriment for taking time off for dependents.

AChickenCalledKorma · 30/01/2017 08:32

If DH and my two kids all had a tummy bug, I'm afraid if go to work and leave them to it. It wouldn't be fun for them, but they'd survive. I would risk disciplinary action at work, that's for sure. Imagine if your boss got wind of the fact DH was home.

watchoutformybutt · 30/01/2017 08:33

I would leave him with the kids. Sometimes you have to suck it up when you're ill as a parent. If they're all puking they can just camp out in front of the telly with bowls and have a communal puking. Not pleasant but you've gotta go to work.

Mittensonastring · 30/01/2017 08:34

The sickness procedures in place are designed to stop small bouts of unnecessary sick leave and op has done stuff that is exactly why these procedures are put in place.

It's the eternal debate about working and having children, your partner really needs to just take time off. My DH and I took time off when dc were ill and for inset days. We are not getting on at all for other reasons but he always did his side of childcare.

RedHelenB · 30/01/2017 08:37

Likelihood is you will catch it so yes, got to work today.

SecondsLeft · 30/01/2017 08:38

Flowers It's important that people who work in the NHS are both fit and well in themselves to do a difficult job, and not going into work when at risk of infecting others. Good luck with the meeting, be honest with them, but also try to give some constructive ideas of how you can mange this in the future. I got some kind of ridiculous formal warning when I was off work for surgery (one time, planned, no other sick leave but it took me over their arbitrary limit). NHS too.

Introvertedbuthappy · 30/01/2017 08:40

Also OP, you say your DH is self-employed and making a loss - who thought it was a good idea to risk you taking time off when you're the only one bringing money in?! That sounds bonkers to me. Of course it should be shared, but if he's actively making a loss you need to look at the bigger picture.

Also those claiming sex discrimination - surely that doesn't apply here as they are a couple and the decision as to who takes time off us made within that couple. If she was a single parent then there is definitely a point to be made, but not just because she feels she 'should' be the one to take it off.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 30/01/2017 08:42

I'd definitely still go to work. If I had a bug and my children did, we'd just have to manage - I wouldn't get my DH to stay home from work. Just plenty of buckets to hand, TV on for the kids and soldier on through. You can't afford to be off work today, especially if there's a chance the bug will pass on to you.

Surreyblah · 30/01/2017 08:43

Sounds very hard OP, but as PPs say there will be fair process. Important that both partners share caring for sick DC.

Public sector is just the same as elsewhere: it's capability procedures (worst outcome being dismissal) due to levels of sick leave.

The criteria for medical retirement are set by pension schemes and that's a totally different thing.

bigkidsdidit · 30/01/2017 08:46

If your DH is making a loss he should do as much of the sick time as possible - your job is the most important if it's keeping your heads above water.

Mamia15 · 30/01/2017 08:52

Sounds like you and DH need to protect your job as you're the breadwinner. I would do everything you can to keep your job and he will have to cover you.

Also look at how he can improve his income, perhaps by getting paid employment even if its part time or evenings.

Are you sure you both are getting everything your're entitled to e.g tax credits etc.

Catdogcat · 30/01/2017 08:54

I think if you're not being sick you should definitely go in.

Your DH will just have to suck it up and look after the kids.

Lots of single parents or parents with partners who work away just have to get on with it and look after their kids when everyone's poorly.

Original poster
MadJeffBarn · 30/01/2017 08:57

I'm going in. Everyone's right, especially about needing to protect my job. To dh credit, no moaning on his part. I'm abit late but at least I'm going in!

OP posts:
Mouikey · 30/01/2017 09:00

OP are you in the union (as an NHS worker I would hope so). If so talk to your rep - they will have significant experience of this and can help you through the process - especially the meeting with HR. You have met a trigger so are likely to get a new target (in our place rather than 8 days in 12 months it would be 4 days in 6 months).

I think you will need to take holiday to care for your sick children - never take it as sick unless you are sick yourself.

In terms of d&v I would have thought the NHS have specific practices/policies for this as it can be so contagious and not welcome in an environment where you are caring for sick people (obviously depending on your role).

It may be that you need to look at how you use your annual leave and save more for the winter months.

You shouldn't be 'sacked' for meeting this trigger but you will be put on a plan to improve and if it doesn't then it may proceed down the competency/disciplinary route.

Someone previously mentioned a tribunal if you were dismissed. These cost thousands now so are often prohibitively expensive for those who have unfairly lost their job... I am aware that unison have a fund to cover the cost if you are a member and if they think you have a good case.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 30/01/2017 09:04

I cant them sacking you OP, this happens. I think its January, and all you can do is cover the time for the kids unpaid. Its shit. roll; on spring

ps if the kids have DV you take holiday or unpaid leave, its not a sick day- you know that right?

Original poster
MadJeffBarn · 30/01/2017 09:04

I'm a support worker so would I be able to join a union? You're right about saving my annual leave, I have absolutely none left which would be helpful around this time of year. I don't think I'll be sacked in this hearing (at least my manager has reassured me) but I know they're keeping a very close eye on me so it's for the best that I go in today

OP posts:
VeryBitchyRestingFace · 30/01/2017 09:05

An au pair? Me and dh jointly earn less than £16,000 (he's self employed making losses)

So if your husband is in a loss making job, why doesn't he jack that in and be a SAHP to allow you to do your job without taking time off for child illness?

Is there a reason you can't work f/t?

Imknackeredzzz · 30/01/2017 09:07

For gods sake it's bonkers your other half is working self employed and making a loss! Get him to get a proper job for Christ sake!

Original poster
MadJeffBarn · 30/01/2017 09:08

very we do do joint sick leave, it's just the kids are ill.. alot. Especially since the youngest started nursery. But I couldn't ask him to Jack it in altogether, he loves what he does. Unfortunately it's just the kind of work where you have to put in the legwork to see the end results.
Well I am basically full time, I do 32 hours a week. I'm also studying a degree, in order to better myself. We get on by financially though :)

OP posts:
chipsnmayo · 30/01/2017 09:15

I can see why your employers are getting a bit hacked off because you are taking quite a lot of sick leave but at the same time it does sound like you are trying your best. TBH I think your Dh needs to cover more sick days as you are main breadwinner.

I was extremely lucky in that dd was rarely sick and that when she was ill Dh worked night shift so often I didn't even need to take leave.

Newtssuitcase · 30/01/2017 09:21

Blimey there is a load of crap being sorted on this thread.

I'm an employment lawyer

Yes you can be dismissed for attendance or for sickness incapability

No it wouldn't be "medical retirement" it would just be a dismissal (probably for capability but possible SOSR if its on attendance)

No you cannot take time off sick when you are fit but your children are sick unless you want to run the risk of disciplinary action (for misconduct)

NO you cannot take time off for domestic emergencies other than very short term e.g. you get a call from school saying collect your child immediately - your right to time off is such time as is necessary to make arrangements for their care e.g. the rest of that day - not the following week when they have chickenpox

No the fact that you are an NHS worker does not mean that you can't be dismissed for attendance/capability on the grounds that you could exacerbate patient illness - their call not yours

Parental leave has to be booked in advance and taken in blocks.

You need to go to work and you need fallback childcare arrangements.

Newtssuitcase · 30/01/2017 09:22

"crap being spouted"

Original poster
MadJeffBarn · 30/01/2017 09:30

Sorry, just to rectify, I haven't taken time off sick when my kids have been ill. I've always told them the correct reasons for time off. But I can't really plan my kids being ill in advance

OP posts:
HermioneJeanGranger · 30/01/2017 09:33

If your DH is making a loss, he needs to jack it in and get a full-time, employed job. In the meantime, he can cover the sick days!

MyWhatICallNameChange · 30/01/2017 09:40

Can I just ask a question?

I used to work and had to take time off when my kids were sick - DH earned three times as much as me so if take the unpaid day off over him.

I was told to find childcare for my ill children, but have no family or friends nearby.

So what is this childcare that takes children with D&V? I've seen it mentioned on here before, but I'd like to know where people find someone willing to look after children spouting from both ends?

I hope everyone's feeling better soon OP, and more importantly, I hope they don't share it with you.