AIBU about my BF's 'joke'?

[expatparent]

My (I thought/hope) best and oldest friend made a joke about me to my DH, in front of me, and it has cut me to the core and made me start to re-evaluate what she really thinks of me. Perhaps I'm over-reacting, but she knew it was a sensitive topic. Wd welcome thoughts.
My DH's employer has moved him to another country. Consequently I am giving up my job (which paid as much, if not more than his, and was more stable), my home for 15 years, my social circle, to join him in a country where I don't really speak the language, have no friends, and will have trouble finding work. The main gain is that I will be able to visit my DS, in boarding school, more often.
I did choose to do this, but it was presented as - he was going, I could come, or have a long distance commuting relationship. The other factor is that a few years ago I had the chance of promotion if I moved, but withdrew from consideration because my DH refused to move with me.

My BF knows all this, and that I am very anxious, upset, insecure, about the entire process. But she hasn't been keen to talk about it. I had lunch with her, and at the end my DH joined us and things were normal and friendly. She and I always split our bill but this time she moved to pay more than her share. I said something like "don't worry I can still afford to pay for my lunch". She turned to my DH and said (I remember it word for word) "Oh dear, I suppose that is the next thing we are going to have to put up with, xxx [me] not having any money." They both laughed and she immediately left for her office.
I know I should have said something immediately, but I was so shocked that she was out of the cafe before I even realized and then I had to get on a plane. I have been trying for some time to convince myself that it was just a joke in poor taste. But it nags at me that it shows that either my stress/insecurity about the move is unreasonable (am I being selfish, over-emotional,overly negative?) or that, when the going gets tough she is no longer someone who I can be confident will be there for me.

I would be really upset if my partner said that to me. Sounds like he doesn't give a fuck if you go with him or not.

I'm not sure what the joke meant though, sorry.

At first I agreed it was about you, but now having second thoughts. Speak to your DP about it?

You're willing to give up everything to be with your husband? You sound like a really family-orientated person. Oh, wait....isn't there a third person in the family too?? One that has a long-distance relationship with his "parents". Why people put adult partners before their own kids is beyond me. Move to the UK and be a proper mum to your son. Your husband is old enough to look after himself - your son isn't.

A friend of mine had to make the massive sacrifice of putting her daughter into full time residential care because of extreme learning difficulties. This was not available in her home country. We know nothing of OP's position on this, nor how much of it was actually her decision.

We do know that she appears to be in a controlling relationship, however. I would gently suggest that judging and questioning her about her son is bullying and irrelevant.

I definitely do not hear it as a dig about him. It's a bit of an agressove cunty thing to say to a friend, isn't it? What's her problem do you think OP?

Could you find suitable work in the uk so you can be with your son? Or if you don't want to stay in Asia just move to the uk anyway? Your husband can work in the other European country. I wouldn't move to a European country where I don't speak the language and couldn't work when my child was in the uk.

I think it's one thing having your son board abroad when your career is in Asia, but another if you trail your selfish husband to Norway or Germany or wherever and can't work there yourself. In that case I'd choose to be with my child not my self centred husband.