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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU... MIL and Finger Food

92 replies

LouBlue1507 · 28/01/2017 19:29

Hi all!

I know, it's another MIL one! But I genuinely don't think I'm doing anything wrong!

Yesterday I sent MIL some lovely pictures of DD eating foods! I'm so proud at how well she's doing! She's having 3 meals a day and loving it.

Anyway she's only just replied today saying how lovely but why am I not blending her food? I said I don't think there's a need as she's managing really well and chewing. She said I was being very naive and putting baby at risk for no reason! I got a bit annoyed and said well actually chewing is good for her and help with language development Blush, she hasn't replied.

AIBU? Should I really be blending all of DDs food?

I really don't see the problem as she's eating well! DD is having what we're having and eating as a family. Some examples of what she's had so far;

Weetabix
Risk
Toast
Ham sandwich
Pasta broccoli cheese
Pasta and meat balls
Lots of different fruits
Carrot sticks
Peas
Cauliflower
Mash

OP posts:
Nanna50 · 28/01/2017 20:38

Explain to your MIL that things have changed. I have to admit I was much less confident with my grand children's weaning than their parents were. I can't even remember weaning my own children but I'm sure it was purée all the way. In our day we didn't know that chewing helped speech, or that they had to learn the gag reflex, I was forever jumping out of my chair at my grandchildren while their parents told me to sit down, I think I made them nervous. The advice my mother gave me was out of date when my children were babies, grandmas have to learn new stuff all the time.

RiversrunWoodville · 28/01/2017 20:40

My dd1 (now almost 7) wouldn't tolerate a lump until nearly 2.5, dd2 was always hungry and hv suggested weaning at 5months and she was highly unimpressed by purée from day 1 and was blw and eating soft fruit in small pieces and very similar to your dd from day 1 (except rusks they were chucked to the cat for some reason) she now eats anything at 23 months (although much prefers it from my plate even though it's exactly the same grrr) while dd1 is quite fussy

Caterina99 · 28/01/2017 20:47

We did a mix of blw and some purée/mashed stuff with DS. He preferred the finger food so we mostly rolled with that as who wants to bother making purées that your child won't eat?! My inlaws could not get over it. They were amazed at what he would eat (and it really was nothing radical - toast, veg sticks, fruit, cheese, bits of meat) and were obsessed that he was going to choke. Your MIL is being a bit rude, but advice has changed and if your baby is loving the finger food then stick with it!

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 28/01/2017 20:48

You MIL is just remembering what was the norm when she did it. Why would she know different? No need to get arsey about it, things change but you only know these things if you have a reason to know.

One day you will be in her position, how do you wish someone would handle it with you? Do that.

Marmalade85 · 28/01/2017 20:56

My mum and everyone my mum's age said the same as baby jars were the norm. Don't worry about it

Patchouli666 · 28/01/2017 21:06

There's a lot of hidden salt in the foods she is having, rusk, ham sandwiches and the weetabix especially. If you keep it to lightly steamed veggies and some fruit and bread with a homemade houmous type dip or a blended fresh tomato dip. But other than that, you mil is outdated

EdenX · 28/01/2017 21:11

There is barely any salt in weetabix, much less than a slice of bread.

OhHolyJesus · 28/01/2017 21:11

My DS started BLW at 5 months (the point is it's baby-led and he helped himself) and is going great guns, tries out new things all the time. Didn't know it could help with language too. 9 times out of 10 the gag reflect will protect from choking but a first aid course helped my confidence. I had similar issue/fears from my MIL and still do so I try to rise above and ignore. You're doing great OP, it's hard but try not to doubt yourself. You know your baby best and your MIL was a mother at a different time when puréed food was the fashion/trend so she's coming from a different place.

EdenX · 28/01/2017 21:12

Barely any salt in rusks either.

Camomila · 28/01/2017 21:16

My MIL is the same, she thinks DS should pretty much be eating mashed carrots, mashed potato and rice porridge....he's 9.5months with 5 teeth, has been baby led weaned since we started weaning and she's sat and watched him eat the exact same meal as us, chewing and swallowing Confused

But anyways, I would politely explain that times have changed and that nowadays HV recommend BLW/finger foods because of x,y,z. (Ours genuinely are really positive about BLW and food being for fun before 1)
...Whenever I disagree with my PILs about something babycare related I always start off with 'the NHS website says' and this seems to usually reassure them, in your case you can say that the NHS recommends finger foods from 6 months.

As an aside, my grandma seemed a lot more chilled about BLW than my mum originally was (though she came round to it a lot quicker than MIL) and kept reminiscing saying things like 'ooh I used to give your dad hard crusts of bread and cheese when he was teething' I'm not sure if she would have had/afforded a blender back in the day and jars etc wouldn't have been available.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 28/01/2017 21:20

My DS started BLW at 5 months (the point is it's baby-led and he helped himself

Yeah, thats not what that means. My toddler could help herself to my gin and tonic, doesn't mean she's ready to drink it.

Babyitscoldouts1de · 28/01/2017 21:27

Both my MIL and mum hated us doing blw as it went against everything they were taught when we were young. They were not subtle or sensetive letting me know either! But they was weaning at 3 months, so totally different. DS wouldn't let anyone feed him and had terrible aim with a spoon, so would have starved without finger food. My mum even admitted when she was young they didn't have access to puree and started babies off with a crust to chew on, but couldn't stop thinking he would choke.

MrsHathaway · 28/01/2017 21:35

We found there was less salt in own-brand wheat bisks than branded Weetabix, and even less in value brand. Might have changed recipes by now but just FYI for those currently in the low-salt zone: brands differ.

bumsexatthebingo · 28/01/2017 21:40

Mine didn't start on solids until 6-7 months so 3 meals seems a lot to me at that age. When did you start weaning?
Finger foods are fine though. It's a generation thing - everything would have been blended within an inch of its life when she had babies.

BertrandRussell · 28/01/2017 21:46

Interestingly, my mother, who had her children in the 40s and 50s thought we were ridiculoulsly precious about the way we puréed things for dd- born in 1995......But she panicked about other stuff-not lying flat,for example, and over stimulation. Every generation had their "thing".

Crunchymum · 28/01/2017 21:51

3 meals a day for a 6mo? Feck off!!!

icelolly99 · 28/01/2017 22:03

To all those talking about the older generation pureeing everything and not understanding blw; my youngest is 6 and I'd never heard of blw when he was little!

Figure17a · 28/01/2017 22:10

MIL is doing the right thing not to respond, I'd have trouble finding a suitable response to someone who told me the way a baby was weaned would affect their language development and it's only 13 years since I weaned my last child.

Based on what I was "taught" isn't there too much salt in ham sandwich?

Other than that it all sounds great, but MIL isn't wrong either.

Thingmcthingyface · 28/01/2017 22:14

Hi OP just make sure you are watching closely with the carrot sticks- if raw bits can break off and be choking hazard and also peas can be inhaled into lungs. V v rare but good to know that it can happen...

allowlsthinkalot · 28/01/2017 22:22

crunchy they are all different! One of mine ate three meals at six months and I don't mean "food is for fun" - I mean she ate, chewed and swallowed three entire meals including chowing down an entire sandwich (two slices) at lunchtime.

Another of my four really did eat only a negligible amount of solid food until she was around 14 months old then she became interested.

They were both breastfed, both BLW, both now good eaters and healthy children.

Bertrand, she is only just starting on solid food. That solid food is a ham sandwich. My dd's first solid food was falafel and chips.

Robstersgirl · 28/01/2017 22:24

It's just a generational thing. It used to be blended foods at 4 months, now it's not. She doesn't know any better.

Notcontent · 28/01/2017 22:24

I would keep her away from ham and other processed meats. They are really very unhealthy.

Greta84 · 28/01/2017 22:25

I wouldn't give ham. Keep away from processed meats really

allowlsthinkalot · 28/01/2017 22:25

MIL is wrong though, Figure. Of course weaning can affect language development.

Ham sandwich is absolutely fine as long as overall diet is low in salt.

BearGryllsHasaBigRope · 28/01/2017 22:32

She's just going off the advice she had when she had a baby. Things have changed a lot since then. Who really keeps up to date with baby advice when their children are funny grown? Give her a break.