Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU ....

78 replies

GREATAUNT1 · 28/01/2017 19:01

to expect an invite to my stepsons home? Him, his partner, & 2 kids visit us about once a fortnight, I make cups of tea, feed them, & run round after the kids, they spend about 6 hours here. If we ask to visit them they make excuses, like the house is a mess. Stepson even said that he hated visitors a few weeks ago, well so do I! I'm thinking that they just wanna sit round ours, & get waited on ... Am I being unreasonable? Husband thinks that they should come here, but they drive me mad!

OP posts:
livalot · 02/02/2017 18:13

GreatAunt1 this is really naughty but how about:

Next time they are coming round go to bed with a really bad migraine or headache...... just stay out of their way as you are too ill (just pretend if you have to)

Next time they want to visit say you have food poisoining... they cannot possibly come round as you feel too ill ( just pretend if you have to!)

Next time say you think you have discovered mice droppings and it would not be a good idea to come round .... ( just pretend if you have to)

Think of a problem like this every single time..... something wrong with the TV, something wrong with the cooker, something wrong with the kettle, something wrong with the fridge, something wrong with the doorbell

meltownmary · 02/02/2017 18:28

In your circumstances I would let them come, but hang around only for an hour, and be back half an hour before they leave.

You will of course, leave plenty of cakes and stuff for them to help themselves when you depart lol.

Six hours. God I wouldn't like to spend that amount of time with MYSELF!

If you gradually disengage but at the same time welcome them and chat for an hour or so, no one can accuse you of being mean or whatever.

And then son, and Dad and grandkids can have some quality time together.

Compromise. I would do this, without being rude, but just go out.

Your DH is not going to do anything, the Stepson is not going to change his routine either, so you bit by bit change yours!

Best of luck. I love visitors but only for an hour max, unless they are all coming round for dinner or a special occasion. They all know this too!

mikeyssister · 02/02/2017 18:58

Definitely stay for a short time and then leave tell Mr GA that you're giving him one on one time with his son and family.

emilybrontescorset · 13/03/2017 11:49

omg thiswould drive me nuts.

after reading the whole thread i agree that the problem lies with your oh.
If he wont back you up, then remove yourself from the situation.
go out for the day, eat out too.
Don't prepare food for them either, leave your dh to do that,
make sure your dh is left to cope alone, after all he is the one arranging it!

if he doesnt like it tough! he can then sort alternative plans himself.

The alternative is to tell them that you will meet somewhere. make sure its somewhere you order food at the bar, then you and dh order and pay for just your own.
when you want to leave,tell them lovely to see you, we are going to get off now, see you all soon. Bye!!

Ghanagirl · 13/04/2017 17:49

To ask you to think of good excuse for getting out of having lunch with my cousin.
She's over staying at my mums and I've seen her once and will be seeing her again before she leaves but she wants to have lunch with me in London 2moro.
I don't want to leave kids with husband on a bank holiday plus she annoyed me a bit when we saw her yesterday.
I don't want to fall out so need a good excuse please.

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2017 17:51

Ghanagirl I think you need to start your own thread really

That way I'm sure people can help Smile

Ghanagirl · 13/04/2017 17:56

Sorry don't know how I did that😳

Wando1986 · 13/04/2017 17:59

I can't be the only one here who's family have pretty much open door policies? If I go to my parents house and they're going out there's no issue if I stay for a bit longer after they've gone. We're told it's always still our house, no matter what, and we're not 'guests'.

Wando1986 · 13/04/2017 17:59

Oops dead thread! Confused

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 13/04/2017 21:24

They're freeloaders, OP.

Seen this kind of piss taking a lot unfortunately.

They come round because it's a break for them - they save on food,drink, childcare and get to put their feet up and chill.

i think it's about time you stood up to your dh.
I can understand revolving your life around ds when he was a kid - but he is now and adult with a family of his own.
YOU no longer have to put up with coming 2nd in your own home.

You've been in his life since he was 10 yrs old - and you're not ALLOWED to say anything?!
Why do you find it difficult to discuss paying for meals with them - that would be the first thing i asked them when going out for dinner is mentioned.

They're not going to respect you if you don't insist on it.

I suggest you remind your dh that this YOUR home too - and your opinion counts.
You are not stopping his ds visiting -
but 6 hours at a time is too much and needs to be cut short - or you will cut it short by going off and doing your own thing
You are not free childcare - they should discipline their kids when they start jumping on furniture etc....if they don't i suggest you tell the dc off very bluntly.

You have every right to have this conversation with ds OR his wife. It's YOUR flipping home!

They don't want the expense, hassle and effort of hosting the pil so they will continue to make excuses.

Why don't you just turn up unannounced and sit there for 6 hours?

Stop being a doormat op.

milliemolliemou · 22/04/2017 19:58

As other PPs have said: next time they decide to arrive and have you waiting hand foot and finger, welcome them in with tea and cake. Then go out for four to five hours with the best excuse you can come up with - friends invitation, film you want to see, whatever. Tell your DP the night before - sudden invitation etc.

Or just get them off the sofa and suggest a long walk/visit to garden/free museum.

Can you do this OP?

KathArtic · 24/04/2017 15:09

Do you wait on your DH as well or does he help with drinks and food?

jackismart · 27/04/2017 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

milliemolliemou · 14/05/2017 18:32

OP have you resolved it - or just another teasing thread?

user1495025590 · 12/06/2017 01:39

Most parents do not regard their adult DC as guests in their childhood home! All that I know have an open door policy. It is not a 2way street parents do not regard adult children's house as being theirs. .I second. The solution of going out and leaving dh to it

Chestervase1 · 05/07/2017 13:59

Maybe if you can't stop visits completely you can have fewer, i.e. Once a month. Just say you are running a tighter diary and have other commitments. I think you need to be more crafty cos I don't think you will win by being confrontational. They really need to be blocked ideally without your husband realising what you are doing. Ten minutes before they leave say shall we have a tidy up and allocate jobs for stepson and partner. Don't allow kids to trash your home either. You are probably quite assertive by nature but they are playing you.

belmontian · 26/07/2017 18:33

Can I make a suggestion that you take the bull by the horns and deal with this like an adult rather than creeping around your dh and silently seething about their visits?

My dm is like this towards my step sibling and it annoys the hell out of me. All the huffing and puffing and silent seething whilst being the martyr. Sometimes people need things spelled out. "Dss can you give me a hand with these dishes please" not everyone is raised in the same way so don't expect them to know what you are thinking/expecting.

I thin it's a bit sad that 6 hours a fortnight is too much for you. As others said you have more of a dh issue.

halvedfees · 04/08/2017 19:49

AIBU to find someone who starts an email with just your first name - no Hi, dear etc, just to be plain rude? I think he thinks it is business-like, they are business related emails. However I find it a tad aggressive.

halvedfees · 04/08/2017 19:53

Ignore sorry don't know how to delete

519888888z · 13/08/2017 11:35

Would really appreciate some advise. DS1 has chicken pox (spots started to appear Friday pm). We are meant to be flying to US on Sunday to visit family. Postponed trip as he was ill last time! Hopefully his spots will have crusted over and he won't be contagious by Sunday. Problem is DS2 who hasn't had chicken pox and isn't showing any spots. Dilemma is a) might he already be contagious - don't want to put anyone on flight at risk. b) supposing he became ill while away and we couldn't fly home. We are going for one week only and DH and I both have to be back for work. Is it reasonable or an over reaction to cancel trip because of possible chicken pox? Any advise greatly received. Finding this very stressful. Lost a lot of money last time (insured but excesses, admin fees, etc) not that this is of course the main issue.

Maelstrop · 13/08/2017 11:56

Zombie thread and could people please start their own bloody threads for different issues!! Wtf is going on?!

gogglepod · 21/10/2017 23:52

My neighbor has objected to planning which she suggested in the first place. Her reasons are the obvious lack of light/shadowing plus it’s in bats flight path < this ones my favourite. lack of vit D, she suffers agrophobia unless she needs to go buy beer, she’s sent occy health reacords in and asked Doctors to email planning about her test results and has mentioned she will not allow access to our shared path but still expects me to sort her animals out when she’s admitted to hospital for overdosing on antihistamines! mental health varies to how much attention she wants. Not even asked what it was this time! Probably skittles. I’ve been a really good neighbor to her but literally now want to have nothing to do with her but she still acts like we’re best mates! Just wondering if anyone else has had neighbors go full on bat s**t when they put planning in?

gogglepod · 21/10/2017 23:57

Last post shouldn’t have posted on here sorry

TheFickleFingerOfFate · 01/12/2017 11:23

I'm going to take the opposite tack here. When my kids were small it was LOVELY to visit my mum and be 'waited on' a bit. I was so busy and tired with the children and the hubby that it was just a relief to be able to sit down and have someone bring me a cuppa or make a meal for me. Once the kids get older then perhaps expect more from them - but if they're young then once a fortnight isn't too much, is it?

Honeypot00 · 21/03/2018 11:13

I’m a size 10 and my husband said I’m over weight. AIBU to be really upset by this! He said that I’ve taken it out of context but I can’t atop thinking about it. His previous gf was tiny. He’s a nice guy and says he loves me etc, but I can’t get it out of my head! I’ve had 3 kids so have the usual lumps and bumps and I’m in my 40’s but my bmi is within range. He’s said sorry but I’m feeling really self conscious now!