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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How early can you play the trumpet?

108 replies

Rosamund1 · 28/01/2017 07:53

Writing on behalf of a friend who 'can't be arsed to sign up.'

Friend lives on end terrace. The neighbor next door is a grumpy old bat. E.g. Friend sent her a Christmas card and got no reply (lights on and off at the house, someone is in). The walls are very thin and neighbour used to bangs on the wall if the kids ran up the stairs. Friend texted and said come and lets discuss soundproofing and perhaps sharing costs. Neighbour did not reply and has not heard from her since.

Before that, one afternoon friend had a 'play date' and six rowdy children were playing pirates in the evening/afternoon after school 4-7 ish. Neighbour said she's off work with a bad back, keep the noise down. Friend texted 'sorry to hear that, let me know if you need help with shopping or anything?' Again no reply.

Now the problem is trumpet. Friends ds has been offered free trumpet lessons at school. The problem is getting him to practice. After school it's always 'I'm too tired' and it's hard to set a routine with scouts, swimming, football etc. They leave the house for school at 8.15 and friend thought 8am would be a good time to do 5mins daily but is worried about neighbour.

My opinion is that living in a terrace (as we do), you need to be prepared for noise apart from 9pm -7am. Neighbour can just deal with it.

AIBU

OP posts:
AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 28/01/2017 10:43

OP, you clearly don't like the overwhelming consensus that YABU. Why did you even bother posting if you won't accept the responses?

Sounds like your friend's DS is either too busy or too immature to learn an instrument at the moment - maybe leave it a couple of years and see if he's more motivated when he's older.

GinIsIn · 28/01/2017 10:46

Why should the neighbour have to come over and discuss the fact that the children are noisy? Confused

Original poster
Rosamund1 · 28/01/2017 10:47

I've acknowledged that 8am is too early. I don't agree that a terrace dweller cannot learn a noisy instrument.

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 28/01/2017 10:47

Look you have been told overwhelming that your friend is in the wrong. Why did you ask? You clearly think that her DS should be able to do what the fuck he likes and sod the neighbours.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 28/01/2017 10:48

Hardly anyone is saying he can't! Are you usually this hard of understanding?

It is your friend's responsibility to make sure her kid isn't annoying other people

yomellamoHelly · 28/01/2017 10:48

We did 8am when at primary. But neighbours also have dc and would have been about to set off for school too.

Mumzypopz · 28/01/2017 10:49

Now you have described that text in more detail, it sounds even worse.

Witchend · 28/01/2017 10:49

I have a trumpet player. It's noisy.
No way before 9am if you're in terraced housing.
We're in a well detached house, and dd2 sometimes plays it early, but even at the other end of the house it'd wake the dead. You can't play with a mute as that effects the feel apparently (dh is a player too).
I have a drum player too (and violin and piano) and it's way worse than either the others.

If he's "too tired" to practice the trumpet after school, (but has enough energy to do football/scouts/swimming) then he isn't interested enough to play it. It's just an excuse.

Original poster
Rosamund1 · 28/01/2017 10:50

It is known that some people are difficult. I gave a few examples above about unreasonableness by the neighbour. If that is your interpretation and how you view it you are within your rights to do so.

OP posts:
Mumzypopz · 28/01/2017 10:51

What if someone in that terrace works nights, and what if some one is I'll. They have rights for peace too.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 28/01/2017 10:52

And still you keep on...

Look your friend will do exactly what she likes, her DS will continue to fuck off the neighbour and your friend will continue to whine about any complaints.

See all that time you could have saved?

GoesDownLikeACupOfColdSick · 28/01/2017 10:52

To be fair, if your friend can't even be arsed to take a minute to sign up to mn, it doesn't sound as if she gives a fuck!

GinIsIn · 28/01/2017 10:55

Not asking "for a friend", are we OP? Grin

itsmine · 28/01/2017 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Badcat666 · 28/01/2017 11:07

My neighbour above me woke me up playing his fucking guitar at 6am yesterday morning and I work at home on Thursdays and Friday.

Frankly if some child wanted to practice their trumpet at 8am I would happily be arrested for going round and taking said trumpet and shoving it somewhere painful in your "friend".

If the kid is "tooo tired" to practice after school, like someone else has said, they aren't't taking it seriously. Why can't they practice for 10 mins when they get in from their other activities? It's not like you run around playing the thing is it? (no you sit or stand).

Sounds like your "friend" is a complete asshat.

Why should the neighbour share costs about soundproofing when it's your "friends" house who is making all the noise?

And why should the neighbour reply to all your "friends" texts? She is her best buddy? No. She is a neighbour who sounds like she texts when things get too much for her.

I get on great with my neighbours but we don't send each other xmas cards ffs. And we don't call each other names because we didn't. They are my neighbours, not my best friends.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 28/01/2017 11:21

No it's definitely the OP asking for herself....

Garnethair · 28/01/2017 11:36

I'd be happy with any beginner practicing the trumpet between 9.30 and 5.30 any day of the week. Unless they were murdering the theme to Titanic (memories of my daughter practicing this piece). Grin

MiscellaneousAssortment · 28/01/2017 13:48

"My feeling is that trumpet practise at 8am is a deliberate move on your friend's part to piss off said neighbour. Very bad form indeed."

This is what the neighbour will think, whether the mother is doing it deliberately or just very selfishly. To add more and more noises at that time of day when your friend already knows how upset the neighbour is, is... well, unnecessary and mean. If your friend is happy to distress her neighbour and be labelled as rude and aggressive, go ahead.

Otherwise perhaps she could arrange practise at a normal time of day.

By the way, my child plays the drums and violin, and I have found ways for him to do this without upsetting anyone in the block of flats I live in.

I can see you want to dismiss anyone disagreeing with you and your friend as being classist in some way. This is not the case for the majority of posters.

Noise can be unrelenting and awful when you are subjected to it day in day out, and you have no control over it at all.

You don't know how the sound carries or how loud it is in her house. I lived somewhere where there was incredibly loud noises from above. As the neighbours were genuinely kind and interested in helping, they took turns standing in our flat whilst the other made everyday noises, and were shocked by how small a movement in one of their rooms resulted in a massively loud noise completely beyond anything you'd expect. It was due to pipes being built touching each other at one end and the floor boards at the other. They were very kind and carefully avoided doing activities that echoed down the pipes in the early morning or evening. And as we knew they were doing everything they could to be considerate, the noise got less upsetting and alot more tolerable. They actually fixed the issue before putting their home on the market, so we wouldn't have a noise problem if the next owners were less considerate.

I wouldn't want to go face to face with someone who wanted to 'discuss' the fact that noise levels are beyond bearable in the way your friend approached it. That text sounded belligerent and in no way an invite for a 'discussion'. I'm not surprised the elderly neighbour didn't appear for a shouting match or to be told what she 'must' somehow be ok with. It's certainly not a kind and considerate gesture!

And without wishing to stereotype, many older people don't like to communicate via texts anyway, and they may not use texts in the same way to the same unwritten rules, so I wouldn't use that to label her annoying and rude.

I suspect that's a convenient excuse to avoid being actually considerate and work out what noises are really disturbing her.

FrancisCrawford · 28/01/2017 14:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Perihelion · 28/01/2017 15:29

Garnethair when my trumpeter played the Titanic theme, the dog would join in with tuneful howling........but never at 8am in the morning.

Garnethair · 28/01/2017 15:46

Poor dog! It's such a dirge isn't it!

harderandharder2breathe · 28/01/2017 15:46

You've ignored everyone who said he needs to practice after school and instead focused on being offended by the few who said he shouldn't play at all

Talith · 28/01/2017 15:59

I have one with a french horn and live in a terrace and I think short practice before say 7pm is reasonable. I stop them making music too early (banging on piano etc) on weekends or in the morning. Never had complaints but tbf both sets of neighbours are great. For ref french horn has been parped for three years and my kid is 9 and could get a note out of a trumpet from a very early age Grin

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/01/2017 16:22

"The problem is getting him to practice. After school it's always 'I'm too tired' "
"friend thought 8am would be a good time to do 5mins daily but is worried about neighbour."

Oh FFS. 5 minutes practice a day? Of course he can do it after school. If he bleats claims he's too tired then I would suggest he hand the instrument back to the school and let another child who WANTS to learn to play the trumpet have it.

If that's your friend's idea of how to handle whinging then I'm glad I'm not her neighbour.

Katy07 · 28/01/2017 16:48

OP's "friend" may find that neighbour also purchases a trumpet and feels the need to have five minutes of practice when she wakes up in the early hours of the morning with her bad back! After all, if your back is hurting sometimes getting up and doing something to take your mind of it can help Grin A drum kit would also be fun for the neighbour to try out.