How early can you play the trumpet?

[Rosamund1]

Writing on behalf of a friend who 'can't be arsed to sign up.'

Friend lives on end terrace. The neighbor next door is a grumpy old bat. E.g. Friend sent her a Christmas card and got no reply (lights on and off at the house, someone is in). The walls are very thin and neighbour used to bangs on the wall if the kids ran up the stairs. Friend texted and said come and lets discuss soundproofing and perhaps sharing costs. Neighbour did not reply and has not heard from her since.

Before that, one afternoon friend had a 'play date' and six rowdy children were playing pirates in the evening/afternoon after school 4-7 ish. Neighbour said she's off work with a bad back, keep the noise down. Friend texted 'sorry to hear that, let me know if you need help with shopping or anything?' Again no reply.

Now the problem is trumpet. Friends ds has been offered free trumpet lessons at school. The problem is getting him to practice. After school it's always 'I'm too tired' and it's hard to set a routine with scouts, swimming, football etc. They leave the house for school at 8.15 and friend thought 8am would be a good time to do 5mins daily but is worried about neighbour.

My opinion is that living in a terrace (as we do), you need to be prepared for noise apart from 9pm -7am. Neighbour can just deal with it.

AIBU

Not before 10am

Oh heck, OP, YABVVVVVVVU.

I'm not surprised your friend's neighbour banged on the wall when the kids were making a racket. I bet it's constant and it must drive the poor woman loopy.

Funny how she didn't entertain the idea of paying for soundproofing when it's your friend's responsibility to tell her children to have consideration for others and not be so loud. If someone told me to pay for soundproofing to keep the sound of their children out I'd laugh in their face, and no, I wouldn't send them a Christmas card.

We were always taught to think about our neighbours - don't bound up the stairs, don't shout, be considerate, etc etc.

There's always a bit of give and take and kids will always make some noise, but it sounds like your friend doesn't make any effort to be considerate to her neighbour.

Sending Christmas cards isn't about getting one back btw.

My feeling is that trumpet practise at 8am is a deliberate move on your friend's part to piss off said neighbour. Very bad form indeed.

Her son is too tired to practise in evenings but has plenty of energy to run up and down stairs playing pirates.

I would tell my friend it might be a good idea to apologise to the lady next door.

Barbarian Of course all people are allowed to learn instruments. Fwiw what you describe is many people's idea of hell. Nobody is saying he can't practice, but the fact that due to him being tired and his other commitments he can only do it at 8.00 is taking the piss

Barbarian mum. Sounds like it has to be for everyone, whether they want it to be or not. Can only say I feel sorry for the neighbours. Had a neighbour at the back once who played drums in his garage, all day!! He nearly had a riot on his hands, fellow neighbours shouting "shut the f**k up" at him. It's all about consideration, it's not about how well off you are..

He needs to practice after school, the parents need to stop accepting "too tired" for five minutes practice. Or else not take up another extra curricular activity if he already has too much else on

But there are people on this thread saying that certain instruments should be out of bounds unless you can afford more than a terraced house. And I think that attitude sucks.

YY to practising at more considerate times/ with a mute etc

Totally unreasonable. It's the way neighbourly disputes escalate. If one has to live in close proximity then surely one goes the extra mile to avoid disturbing the other party? Because he is a bit grumpy does not give anyone the right to deliberately bait - which is what this suggestion amounts to.

One person thought that Barbarian

No - 8 am is too early for this. He'll have to do something quiet then and the trumpet after school.

Texting isn't talking. Is there a reason why she can't go round and knock on the door? Perhaps the neighbour also dislikes being kept at arm's length and would appreciate a bit of human contact. Perhaps not. But not everyone regards a text as a proper attempt at discussion, especially when it's a difficult issue that needs sorting.

Count again Livia it was 3 at the time I wrote my post . And my response was to them, not those saying yes practise but after school.

Never said "unless you can afford more than a terraced house"? It's about being considerate to neighbours and making your neighbours put up with trumpet playing is not on.

Re the soundproofing, this was because way the house is constructed means that you can even hear low level conversions from next door (i.e. They can hear the day to day noises of the neighbour). Not specifically for trumpet.

Round here music's for everyone

Well perhaps the OP's friend should move to your area then - win/win

So what are you suggesting Mumz?

1 person said no instruments in a terrace, and another 2 said no trumpets in a terrace.

Playing an instrument for a short period of time at a reasonable time of day isn't inconsiderate whatever type of accommodation you live in.

As the mother of a trumpet player and a trombone player weekday practise should never be before 9.30 or after 6pm. Weekend practise should be after 10am and before 7pm. I don't accept "too tired" as an excuse from my kids - if they're "too tired" for after school practise or weekend practise (15 mins four times a week) too often then I simply stop paying for lessons. Your friend needs to get tough.

Can child not practice after school AT school for 5 mins? That way the poor neighbour doesn't have to put up with yet more noise. A well-played trumpet every day would be a nightmare, one played by someone who's only just starting out?!!!
And if you're living somewhere where even everyday noises can be heard is it really acceptable to play a trumpet?????

At a chicken- neighbour texted 'stop the noise! At 8pm when a child had tripped on the stairs' . friend texted back 'come over and let's discuss ' . Neighbour ignored it and did not reply. Not much you can do. The children are lovely and well behaved. Complain about the one day they have friends over seems petty to me. As my friend works the children are out of the house week days till at least 6 and in bed by 9.

So why bother asking if you are totally convinced that she is right?

I suppose they will wait until they have saved up enough for a detatched house and when their son is in his 30s he can start learning an instrument.

Doesn't need to be in his 30's just after school instead of before

Don't be so fucking dramatic.

There have been a lot of suggestions but your friend would have to take responsibility for her son's schedule. If he is too tired to practice after school then perhaps he could drop one of his many activities.

But no - you get PA about it.

If you can hear day to day conversation through the wall, do you really think trumpet playing is suitable?!!!! It's a terrace fgs, so potentially five families having to put up with it. Let's see if she thinks it's reasonable when she has five families asking for it to stop!! Can't be stop behind at school for ten mins and practice there, or pop to a local community centre? There are all sorts of ways of learning music without being inconsiderate to others. Do you really think it's suitable to play a trumpet every day?! I'm constantly amazed how people are no longer considerate to their neighbours. It's like when you get one sunny day, and neighbours decide to play loud music in the garden. It's just not right.

Just to clarify- the text did not just say 'let's discuss ' it was more along the lines of 'you have said you are not happy about what are ordinary noises or one off occasions like children visiting in the afternoon. Please let me know when you would be free to talk about this in person'.