AIBU to be really cross with my DD who has no respect for her/others' belongings???

[Ringsender2]

I am so bloody cross. She's a really messy player and leaves stuff scattered around that gets lost or stood on and broken. She also breaks toys to see how they work or modify them. She couldn't give two shits about the toys she has been given/bought for herself or have been passed down to her from me or DH. I know it's just stuff etc etc but it does my head in. It's so careless and disrespectful.

And breathe. I just need to rant and get my PMT out.

How old is she? Could it be that she's overwhelmed by the amount of toys she has?

Age?

1. too much stuff. It is overwhelming for a young child
2. breaking toys -- they're shit quality
3. taking toys apart -- she's curious and creative So calm down. She's not careless. She's not materialistic.

She's 8.

She pulled apart some playmobil, which takes some doing. And tramples on the rest.

She does have too much stuff. Combination of modern affluence birthday gifts, and a stash of handed-Down stuff from us.

Buy her a load of "how things work" model kits for her next birthday. Does she have toys like meccano or lego technical or knexx that let you build stuff that works?

I understand that it must be frustrating, especially the messiness. Would it help to remember that they are HER toys, so she can (within reason) treat them how she wants? It they get broken, then the consequence = broken toys for her. It's not like she's breaking your stuff.

Perhaps I'm projecting a bit -- my mother never really believed that my possessions were actually mine, it was as if they still belonged to her. So something got lost or broken, she would be (disproportionately) upset with me for 'showing disrespect' somehow, and got very het up about things being 'a waste'. It was as if I had deprived her of something, or that she would be impacted by it in some way, even if the only person it affected was me. It made everything ten times worse, and led to me hiding/lying about things in an attempt to manage my mother's emotions.

Maybe you should try to probe a bit deeper about why this upsets you so much -- do you feel she ought to be more grateful, or 'nicer' somehow? I'm not accusing you of this, but generally in our society, there is an expectation that girls will be gentler and neater, and boys are more likely to be tolerated for being careless and 'taking things apart to see how they work'.

Also, taking things apart to see how they work is a very natural human impulse. It shows curiosity and an enquiring mind.

My 8 year old is the same OP. She's not got too much...but she still breaks things and neglects things. I despair...I've begun making her earn her pocket money with jobs and I'm hoping that she will see the worth of things through this.

I also think Tiger is very sensible and speaks a lot of truth. I don't tell my DD off or get upset....I just say "Well that's broken now...it will cost you ten pounds if you want another"

she still doesn't care though

Take back the handed down stuff and box it up for the future.
Take away half her stuff and rotate her toys so she doesnt have so much.

Ask her to identify 3 favourite toys. IShe has too much stuff to bond with anything or value it at the moment.
Give her more craft and construction type toys and see what happens.

Here we do this -- collect the broken/damaged toys, give DC screwdrivers, and let them play scrapheap challenge. Or show them how to repair stuff if its repairable.

My kids went through a phase of total and utter disrespect for their stuff, to the point that everything was dropped on the floor where they stood and walked over. Eventually you couldn't see their floor at at and the ground crunched with snapping of toys when they just walked on them!
So, I threw everything out. Anything that looked even the slightest bit tatty or dirty got binned and the rest went into the garage. They were left with beds and their wardrobe. That's it. It looked like a prison cell! They very quickly got upset as they had NOTHING to play with. They earned a toy or two back within a week. No more that one toy every few days.
Magically they suddenly developed a respect for their belongings.
I still use that method now. My eldest liked to chew her jumpers and pick the stitching apart. I took all her jumpers. She instantly stopped chewing and ripping up her clothes.

Thanks all. Good to get different perspectives.

Hey, I think your dd is really smart! She is obviously very curious about how things work and how she can change them. One day she's going to make you proud!