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Original poster

To wish people were more positive about my baby's name? <kind of serious>

591 replies

Truntscump · 27/01/2017 17:12

DH & I loved the name Luca for a girl throughout my pregnancy. I know it's generally used as a boy's name especially in Italy but her middle name is Rose and I love that it means 'light'.

Anyway, my dear mum very sadly died last summer of Leukaemia and my (usually lovely) Granny (aged 96 and grieving) first said that Luca reminds her of the phrase 'dirty Luca' then a week later she asked if it was too late to change the name beaches it reminds her of Leukaemia.

I was so upset, my baby (3 weeks old) really suits her name and I love that it's a bit different but now I can't stop thinking about the link to Leukaemia :(

OP posts:
LassWiTheDelicateAir · 28/01/2017 08:12

It seems to me a bit like calling your daughter Carl rather than Carol or Patrick or rather than Patricia or Mark rather than Marcia.

Those look absurd in English so I would wonder if Luca and Lucia look the same to an Italian person.

TataEs · 28/01/2017 08:13

i like it.
for a girl.
i think it's lovely.
you're granny is hurt at the loss of her child and lashing out. leukaemia is never called Luca, so she is talking complete nonsense.
i like boys names for girls, with a favourite being James,
it's different without being weird or misspelled.
you love it, she'll grow into it, granny will get over it.

Serenity05 · 28/01/2017 08:18

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. Flowers

And I'm sorry your Granny made those comments, especially after you chose the name for such a lovely reason. If you think the leukaemia connection will stick in your head perhaps it would be better to choose an alternative name. It's easy to change the name of a baby under one. How about Lux? It literally means light and it's a bit unusual, which it sounds like you want.

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter, whatever you decide to call her!

Beebeeeight · 28/01/2017 08:20

There is no such thing as boys names and girls names.

If a boy has a name its a boys name.

If a girl has a name its a girls name.

Writerwannabe83 · 28/01/2017 08:25

There is no such thing as boys names and girls names. If a boy has a name its a boys name. If a girl has a name its a girls name.

All well in equality thinking but socially this just isn't true. Would you ever see boys called Sarah, Rosie, Carolyn, Emily, Abigail...

Or girls called Stephen, Edward, Nigel, David, Brian....??

No, you just wouldn't.

Like I said in my post, I don't think Luca is out of bounds for a girl but it typically and socially is a boy's name.

reuset · 28/01/2017 08:29

All well in equality thinking but socially this just isn't true. Would you ever see boys called Sarah, Rosie, Carolyn, Emily, Abigail...
Or girls called Stephen, Edward, Nigel, David, Brian....??

Common sense, yes agree!

To say that there are no boys and girls names, even if, idealistically speaking, you'd like that to be true, doesn't make it so in fact.

RestlessTraveller · 28/01/2017 08:32

I can't stand people who think that names are gendered. I always think they'd be the sort that stop their boys from wearing pink.

Call your baby what you bloody well like.

And I think Luca is lovely. (Not that it matters)

Datun · 28/01/2017 08:37

I don't think it matters that it is traditionally a boy's name.

So were Hilary, Beverley and Marion.

The real issue is she is now a person, with a name.

And whether you agree with your grandma's association, or not, has that association now made you personally feel uncomfortable?

I don't think I would change it because of how your grandma feels, however harsh that may be, but will that association be in your mind just because she has said it?

reuset · 28/01/2017 08:39

Weigh up carefully the advice, OP. Your bubs your choice, lovely etc is all very well, but it is a name predominantly used for boys, and people will think it is male child. And I like unisex names, but this isn't in that category IMO.

The stats show it shows no sign of becoming unisex soon, even in the UK., The tiny number who used it for girls, compared to the very large number of boys, make it look like it was used in ignorance

reuset · 28/01/2017 08:40

Sorry for your loss, OP. Forgot to add.

FrancisCrawford · 28/01/2017 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertrandRussell · 28/01/2017 08:48

"I can't stand people who think that names are gendered. I always think they'd be the sort that stop their boys from wearing pink."

Great. Put your money where your mouth is. Have a baby boy and call him Evangeline or Emily. Come on Mumsnet and start a thread called "I love feminine names for boys- help me find something really girly for Ds"

But you won't. Because society values "boy" stuff more than "girl" stuff. And, incidentally, once people start using a particular name for girls, people stop using it for girls. Fact.

But this thread really isn't about that. It's about the OP choosing a name that very very sadly has brough up horrible images for someone she loves, and which has now planted horrible images in her mind. She can either power through, and risk hurting someone she loves, however irrationally, and risk the horrible images staying with her. Or she can easily change it.

THirdEeye · 28/01/2017 08:48

OP the name Luca is lovely.

There are plenty of females with 'male' names.....

Taylor swift, Blake lively......

Beebeeeight · 28/01/2017 08:49

Clare used to be a 'boys' name.

Oscar used to be a 'girls' name.

Nothing is set in stone.

I know a baby girl called maxwell.

I still stick to my stance that there is no such thing as a girls/boys name.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 28/01/2017 08:51

There is no such thing as boys names and girls names

Yes there are; whether there should be or whether it matters is an entirely different discussion.

daydreamnation · 28/01/2017 08:54

I think it's a beautiful name, so much so that it's my son's name. There's your problem, unless I'm hugely mistaken is Luca a boys name?!
Sorry for your loss Flowers

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 28/01/2017 08:56

Oscar was not a girl's name.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oscar_%28given_name%29?wprov=sfla1

Meluamelua · 28/01/2017 08:57

So sorry for your loss op Flowers

Luca is a beautiful name for a girl and absolutely no logical connection to leukemia in my mind whatsoever.

Ignore dgm. Grief can be strange.

Bufferingkisses · 28/01/2017 09:00

It made me think of "my name is Luka" by Suzanne Vega which is a beautiful if harrowing song about a lady living upstairs in a block of flats. (If you don't know it is wouldn't listen to it when feeling low, it makes me sob!)

There is definitely precedent for it as a girls name. It ends in A which, traditionally, makes it seem female form. Personally I love it for a girl.

All this why not just call her Stephen crap people are spouting is ridiculous and a world away from the same thing. Stop being so nasty. The poor op has been through enough she doesn't need the resident harpies dropping by for a dig.

MrsEricBana · 28/01/2017 09:03

Hmm, tricky. Your Grandma making links to other things probably doesn't matter though the leukaemia thing is unfortunate (for her, no one else will think of it). Yes Luca is a boy's name and Lucia would definitely cause less confusion. Now I've typed that Lucia looks like the way to go and imo is a fab name.

reuset · 28/01/2017 09:05

Except there are.

Eh?

Any name ending "son" for example means "son of". Which makes it very strange to call a girl Maddison.

I don't think your average person, who doesn't hang around baby name boards, or the like, will know or even care that it means 'son of'. And Maddison and variant spellings is predominantly a name for girls, and super popular in the UK and the US. Not strange at all really.

WhoKn0wsWhereTheTimeG0es · 28/01/2017 09:06

My Name is Luka is about an abused boy, not a woman.

MsJudgemental · 28/01/2017 09:09

Yep, it's an Italian boys' name. The female equivalent is Lucia, pronounced 'Loo-CHEE-a. Could you consider changing it to this, or Lucy, or Lulu? Apart from the connotations mentioned, she will forever be saddled with having to explain that, yes, she has a boy's name because her mother liked it. If she had been a boy would you have called him Isabella, or any girl's name you like, without considering the consequences?

Sorry for your loss.

RestlessTraveller · 28/01/2017 09:09

Bertrand

*"I can't stand people who think that names are gendered. I always think they'd be the sort that stop their boys from wearing pink."

Great. Put your money where your mouth is. Have a baby boy and call him Evangeline or Emily. Come on Mumsnet and start a thread called "I love feminine names for boys- help me find something really girly for Ds*

I can't, it's medically impossible unfortunately. But I do think it's ridiculous, a name is just a word until it belongs to someone. To ascribe a gender to it is ridiculous. But if it helps I once had a male hamster called Babs.

reuset · 28/01/2017 09:09

It ends in A which, traditionally, makes it seem female form.

It isn't though. Is Ezra (just one example) female form too? No

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