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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

if a guy wants to 'chill' at your house on the first date he just wants a shag

66 replies

user1485442361 · 27/01/2017 14:52

...and you should delete his number forever,

I've finally caught up with the rest of my generation and started online dating. If a guy suggests coming to mine for a first date then to me, it means he just wants a shag. None of my exs would have wanted to go to a woman house on a first date unless all they wanted was sex and my male friends agree.

So for me, if they want to come to my house on a first date, they get blocked and forgotten about.

I know there may be a 1 in 1 million chance that they don't just want sex but either they're not a gentleman or are really stingy because anyone can afford a coffee in a coffee shop at least.

My friends regularly fail to see this, have guys over to their house and then have the guys try and have sex with them, sometimes it turns dangerous.

Honestly, if he wants to come to your house on the first date (or even next few dates) he's after one thing. AIBU?

OP posts:

RubbishMantra · 27/01/2017 16:56

Just smacks of laziness and cba-ness I reckon. That wouldn't appeal to me.

However, I do know somebody (female) who uses OLD purely for sex. It seems to work for her. I do worry about her safety though, and urge her to let me/someone know if she has a bloke coming round 'to chill', and to check in via phone whilst he's there.

Doglikeafox · 27/01/2017 17:00

I totally agree that in most cases, this is true. However I have been with OH for almost 3 years now and he suggested this for our second date. I was really upset because I really liked him, so I ended up not speaking to him for a few weeks.
When we did finally reconnect, he didn't even hint at sex and when we spoke about it a few months later, he said it hadn't even crossed his mind that I would think that and it wasn't purely that he was a bit anxious about meeting me and he thought he would be less anxious the less people around Xx

Deathraystare · 27/01/2017 17:13

Just for reasons of security you shouldn't invite someone back on a first date. Not until you know them a bit better. Well that is what I think anyway!

Berthatydfil · 27/01/2017 17:27

Yanbu.
I would think the same.
It's also crossed my mind that they might be in a relationship and doesn't want to risk being seen out with an ow.

SingingInTheRainstorm · 27/01/2017 17:32

I can see why it may be preferable if the friend has children and the person is someone she knows. It's totally different with a stranger, I thought there was advice to both sexes about safety.
If she is just after sex then ok, that's how it works. If she is looking for a relationship then traditional dating is the best way. Let a man wine and dine you. (Paying your way if you're that way inclined!)

meloveyoulongtime · 27/01/2017 17:48

Maybe he cherry boy

needmoregin · 27/01/2017 19:05

YANBU

I have been seeing a man for 8 weeks and tonight is the first time he's actually coming over to my house .

DeirdrePewtey · 27/01/2017 19:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ as posted by a previously banned poster.

Atlast2017 · 27/01/2017 19:15

I have been on so many dates where within seconds or even on sight, I know I am not attracted to them and only stay for an hour out of politeness. Imagine if someone turned up at your door and you felt like that?

I met one guy and we arranged a date but I couldn't get childcare and had to cancel. At first he seemed understanding but as the messages went on, he was gradually changing the plans until he had invited himself to my house, he was going to arrive in a taxi, I would be dressed up and he wouldn't want to use a condom. All with a man I had never met and a child in the house!

Janey50 · 27/01/2017 19:20

No YANBU. I would be concerned for your personal safety as well OP,not just the concern that he is after a shag. You should NEVER meet a person that you have only spoken to online or on the phone in your home on a first date. Or his home come to that. Always meet in a public place.

Boolovessulley · 27/01/2017 19:20

Always meet in a public place.

Never let anyone into your home unless you know them.

Don't cook for someone unless it's going very well.

If they suggest a meal when you have said a few drinks then let them pay.

Anything else is just selling yourself short.

vdbfamily · 27/01/2017 19:59

DH came to my house first date. He had driven 4 hours from Wales. He ended up staying the weekend. We did not have sex until we were married. Not all men mean they want sex when they suggest meeting to chill.......but most probably do!

CripsSandwiches · 27/01/2017 20:32

Bloody hell even if I was just after a one night stand I wouldn't invite a stranger to my house. Far too dangerous.

DorisMcSweeney · 27/01/2017 22:13

How does a previously banned poster get to post?

Original poster

user1485442361 · 27/01/2017 22:33

They might not have sex but it's still really stingy. I would expect a guy to take me on an actual date and get to know me.

OP posts:

BeMorePanda · 30/01/2017 09:43

staying in will be the high point of your relationship (if you did go on to have one) with a guy like this! No effort required.

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