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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

if a guy wants to 'chill' at your house on the first date he just wants a shag

66 replies

user1485442361 · 27/01/2017 14:52

...and you should delete his number forever,

I've finally caught up with the rest of my generation and started online dating. If a guy suggests coming to mine for a first date then to me, it means he just wants a shag. None of my exs would have wanted to go to a woman house on a first date unless all they wanted was sex and my male friends agree.

So for me, if they want to come to my house on a first date, they get blocked and forgotten about.

I know there may be a 1 in 1 million chance that they don't just want sex but either they're not a gentleman or are really stingy because anyone can afford a coffee in a coffee shop at least.

My friends regularly fail to see this, have guys over to their house and then have the guys try and have sex with them, sometimes it turns dangerous.

Honestly, if he wants to come to your house on the first date (or even next few dates) he's after one thing. AIBU?

OP posts:

Manumission · 27/01/2017 14:53

YANBU

WineIsMyMainVice · 27/01/2017 14:56

YANBU. And very wise to be cautious for your own safety.

Original poster

user1485442361 · 27/01/2017 14:57

Thank you :-) No idea why my friends still fall for it.

OP posts:

handslikecowstits · 27/01/2017 14:58

YANBU. I wouldn't want someone in my house after just one date and I personally wouldn't sleep with someone after one date because I like to take things slowly.

BeyondCanSeeTheEmperorsBellend · 27/01/2017 14:58

Yanbu, it's very sensible - buuut...
...I did meet DH like this.

DeepfriedPizza · 27/01/2017 14:59

I would actually be more worried about my own safety rather than just a shag. If a date was apprehensive about meeting in a public place then I would not be happy about meeting him/her at all.

Ohb0llocks · 27/01/2017 15:00

Same as beyond

Magzmarsh · 27/01/2017 15:01

Totally agree with you. I don't understand why people put themselves in danger like this. All advice tells you to meet in a public place, neutral ground and let someone know where you are.

NuffSaidSam · 27/01/2017 15:05

YANBU

Never meet someone for the first time at your house! Or their house!

Original poster

user1485442361 · 27/01/2017 15:07

It may work on the odd occasion but a man whose idea of a first date is at his house isn't someone I would want to see again.

OP posts:

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu · 27/01/2017 15:10

YANBU.
squatting in someones house to "chill" does not constitute a first date.
a proper first date is going for a few drinks, or a meal, or a show or something that is done away from the house.
wanting to come over and hunker down to "chill" just means they want to fuck. without the effort and cost of shelling out for a few drinks or a bit of food.

FairyAnn · 27/01/2017 15:15

You're not being unreasonable. I've done online dating and on the first date, after meeting at a restaurant or something, I wouldn't even let them drop me off afterwards so they wouldn't know where I live!

ShowMePotatoSalad · 27/01/2017 15:22

I wouldn't have someone round to my house that I didn't know very well anyway. So I agree.

Otherpeoplesteens · 27/01/2017 15:22

I once invited someone to my place for Sunday lunch as a fourth or fifth date. I was having other long-standing friends over and wanted to introduce them, and - sorry about the stealth boast - my cooking is generally regarded as very, very good. Plus, she had expressed interest in visiting a certain shop, which happens to be very close to where I live.

We never saw each other again. I got a very aggressive response which made it clear she thought I was after a shag (I wasn't!) and that was the end of things between us. It felt rather insulting to be honest.

First date chilling at home does strike me as a bit odd though, unless you're in middle school.

barinatxe · 27/01/2017 15:24

You should never meet a stranger in your own home for a first date. Don't let them know where you live until you feel that you can trust them. I don't think it automatically means they "just want a shag" if they suggest meeting you in your home, but they are not going out of their way to impress you, are they!

ArcheryAnnie · 27/01/2017 15:24

Agree with everything re danger, laziness, etc. But would also delete number forever at a grownup using the word "chill". It's a bit Would-Be-Trendy David Cameron, and utterly unsexy.

joystir59 · 27/01/2017 15:26

first date 'chilling' at date's house- Nope.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 27/01/2017 15:27

I just think of Netflix and chill now. And would assume they knew about the connotations of the word chill.

oldlaundbooth · 27/01/2017 15:27

Chill= sex.

Yanbu.

OliviaStabler · 27/01/2017 15:29

I'd think he was a lazy bastard and wanted sex rather than actually going out in public. His number would be deleted.

terrythetrex · 27/01/2017 15:29

I did old for a little while, I would never meet anyone alone on a first date, I would never let anyone pick me up either, or accept a lift. Had to be a public place.

It is so dangerous, they could be anyone.

formerbabe · 27/01/2017 15:29

First of all, you should never have someone you've never met before come round to your house...Or tell them your address...No fucking way. If you want to meet, then you meet somewhere public and tell someone else where you're going.

I'd be wary of a man who would think that "chilling" at your house would be a suitable first date. He wants a quick shag and can't even be bothered to take you out for a drink to get to know you....Fuck that shit.

SparkleShinyGlitter · 27/01/2017 15:31

I Imagine some men that want to "chill" at your house do just want sex but not all.
If you don't feel comfortable with it then absouletly they should be happy with even just meeting for a coffee.

My first date with dh was at his apartment he is a wonderful cook and we didn't have sex that night!
Maybe it wasn't sensible to go to his apartment the first date but we sort of knew each other as we work for rival firms . We've been together 19 years now

BeMorePanda · 27/01/2017 15:32

YANBU OP.

Evergreen777 · 27/01/2017 15:34

YANBU -

BUT - never delete the number of someone you don't want to speak to. Or else they may call or text and you'll end up answering it not knowing who it is. Rename them Bastard, or whatever instead

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