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Original poster

To not bother with these 'friends anymore'? Found nasty whatsapp group about me

109 replies

user1485442361 · 26/01/2017 16:42

I've moved to an area far away from my friends and family. I am looking for work nearer my family but in my field it's far and few between |(social worker and my parents live in a rural affulent area).

My Son's Grandmother has always been nice to my face. We've never met up socially but I do visit her house and she invites me to family events. Same with his Aunty.

Today they added me to a Facebook group on messenger. They're not very I.T literate so obviously didn't realise that deleting the group chat history wouldn't delete it from my phone once they added me.

As such I got to see 15 months worth of bitchy comments about me. From 'She's not that pretty' to taking pictures of my outfits and sending it to each other critiquing it.

When I got my Masters they messaged each other criticising me. They're both support workers who wanted to become Social Workers so it's obvious they were jealous of my achievement. In fact, their conversations scream jealousy and almost obsessive hatred. They've spent a considerable amount of time criticising me on the group.

I've heard the most ridiculous criticisms all of which are opinions based on the stupidest of evidence and some downright nasty comments. Along with the idea that I'm using my ex when I want to and taking advantage of him (because asked for child maintenance and applied for it once he refused). And how my Son would be better with his Dad and hates living with me (nonsense). I'm not even sure they truly believe these things. They just want to believe them.

So armed with this awful evidence, would I be unreasonable to not go to any more events I'm invited to and not chat to them except to discuss my Son? A part of me always suspected they didn't like me after I left my Ex but they were nice to my face so I thought I was being silly.

I've not said what I've seen yet but will do. Just choosing the best way to say it.

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 26/01/2017 17:38

I would send a screenshot of the worst comment/s and a brief message saying that after reading through all the messages from the past year, you think it would be better that you have no further contact, then block them. Don't wait for an answer. The best revenge is to move on happily and successfully and without bitterness. Let them stew in jealousy and unhappiness.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/01/2017 17:41

I wod have nothing more to do with them. I would definitely let them know that you have read what they said! Or have a bit of fun with them before deleting them from your life.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/01/2017 17:42

I love how people on here are trying to tell the OP To 'have some fun' with them - it's not them that will look like a twat!

Fluffycloudland77 · 26/01/2017 17:48

I wouldn't do anything, if they complain about you to hcpc you could land yourself in a hearing.

You need to think long term in these situations.

FrogFairy · 26/01/2017 17:48

I would leave the group, unfriend and block them, walk away and leave all arrangements to your ex for them to see your son. Silence can speak volumes

glitterazi · 26/01/2017 17:51

Oh wow, how horrible Sad Flowers
Yes, you can see the entire chat history on FB if you're added to the same group.
Deleting all the messages will only delete it your end, not everyone elses!
How daft of them not to know, but lucky for you that they didn't!
At least now you know how they really feel.
Definitely screen shot it/ save it in case they try and deny it.

shovetheholly · 26/01/2017 17:51

I would be sooooo tempted to leave a message like "Wow, I always got the feeling you didn't like me, but I never realised you had invested so much time and effort in critiquing my clothes, lifestyle and choices. I'm glad I now know what you really think."

And then have nothing more to do with them. Let you ex handle them.

NeedaFanjob · 26/01/2017 17:54

I think if the OP values her son, which I am sure she does...she will move forward gracefully and hope that in doing so she will achieve the respect she deserves if not the love from her sons grandmother/aunt. Having a bit of fun by using the knowledge she has to flip it back on them is not going to make her look twat...It will salvage the relationship however poor for the benfit of her son. I am sure her son will appreciate her attempt to remain somewhat friendly with his other family members. I imagine he may marry at some point and get togethers will be better if this situation does not become confrontational to the degree that it is unbearable for the son or even chilly for all concerned.

glitterazi · 26/01/2017 17:54

Agree with not playing games though however tempting. Just let them know that you know and then ignore them/have nothing more to do with them.
No point telling them via the FB group if you're going to block them as well though as someone suggested, as they won't see your reply so won't know you've read them and will just wonder where you've gone. Smile

GTS · 26/01/2017 17:54

Absolutely what Lonely said.

And I love love love your response in that it's given you a confidence boost, high five to that! It's not very nice to read, but you are by far the bigger person.

allchattedout · 26/01/2017 17:58

I love how people on here are trying to tell the OP To 'have some fun' with them - it's not them that will look like a twat!

Really? I think they will look like twats if she subtly hints that she knows all about their conversation. I don't think the OP will.

GatoradeMeBitch · 26/01/2017 18:00

Prepare yourself for the fallout OP. There have been so many similar threads like this on this board, and the most common reaction tends to be anger - especially when more than one person is involved. No-one wants to think of themselves as spiteful or vindictive, so they justify their bitching to each other, the person deserved it!

If they are fundamentally decent people, they will be mortified when they discover you found them out and offer heartfelt apologies. But if they are actually nasty and spiteful people they'll be angry with you, or just stop speaking to you. But at least you'll know who they really are.

babychamcherryb · 26/01/2017 18:01

I wouldn't want anyone who talked like that about me and thought so little of me having anything to do with my child.
Block and bin.

Floofborksnootandboop · 26/01/2017 18:02

on messenger you only get to see what is posted after you join. I have gone in and out of groups so I am sure of

Not true, I can see years of messages in a group chat I was only added to 6 months ago at the most. To be even sure my DD added me to her group chat and I can see previous messages.

Shockers · 26/01/2017 18:02

I wouldn't play games, but I would print it off, just in case they try to make you think you've overreacted. I'd then either phone, or text if that's too difficult, to say that the previous conversations are there for you to see and please would they delete them.

Your dignity will be enough to make them squirm think long and hard.

llangennith · 26/01/2017 18:02

Well done OP for handling it so well. I'm sure many groups of people have a bitch about someone on social media. More fool them if they get caught out. You have the right attitudeSmile

HiggeldyPiggeldy · 26/01/2017 18:04

Lonely's response is perfect, lets them know that you have seen everything, lets them stew

bumsexatthebingo · 26/01/2017 18:07

I would copy and paste it all into the chat and see what they say. If they carry on chatting as normal I'd just keep doing it for a while instead of responding and have them wondering hat's going on. But I'm mean like that.
The are definitely jealous and you have no reason to have contact with them - they can see your dc when they're with their dad.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 26/01/2017 18:11

I think Shockers approach is the most dignified.

It also gives you a chance to either stay in contact with them for your son's sake if they apologize profusely or cut them off if they are dismissive of it.

I'd be careful that they aren't bad mouthing you in front of your son though. That can lead to a lot of stress for him as he'll feel divided loyalties and, as a young child, may not be a in a position to tell them to knock it off which will lead him to feel guilty.

DJBaggySmalls · 26/01/2017 18:13

OP, thats awful.
How can people that immature and bitchy think they can do a good job as social workers? Confused

chipsandchilli · 26/01/2017 18:14

I would just say wow, ive read through the previous message's on here and had absolutely no idea you felt this way about me as you are always so nice to my face so assumed you liked me, obviously this is not the case.

EduCated · 26/01/2017 18:18

Personally I'd just go with s simple 'do you realise I can see all the previous conversation?'

PollytheDolly · 26/01/2017 18:19

*Is it bad that it's given me a confidence BOOST?

I must be pretty amazing to have two people so jealous of me that they felt it necessary to spend so much of their own time trying to put me down in their minds.

It's actually weirdly flattering. And putting down my achievements and looks wont make them social workers and it wont make them prettier.*

That's the way!! Fuck em

JustSpeakSense · 26/01/2017 18:22

Personally I'd just go with s simple 'do you realise I can see all the previous conversation?'

^This would be perfect, and then go NC for a while

notaflyingmonkey · 26/01/2017 18:23

What lovely social workers they will make!

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