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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not bother with these 'friends anymore'? Found nasty whatsapp group about me

109 replies

user1485442361 · 26/01/2017 16:42

I've moved to an area far away from my friends and family. I am looking for work nearer my family but in my field it's far and few between |(social worker and my parents live in a rural affulent area).

My Son's Grandmother has always been nice to my face. We've never met up socially but I do visit her house and she invites me to family events. Same with his Aunty.

Today they added me to a Facebook group on messenger. They're not very I.T literate so obviously didn't realise that deleting the group chat history wouldn't delete it from my phone once they added me.

As such I got to see 15 months worth of bitchy comments about me. From 'She's not that pretty' to taking pictures of my outfits and sending it to each other critiquing it.

When I got my Masters they messaged each other criticising me. They're both support workers who wanted to become Social Workers so it's obvious they were jealous of my achievement. In fact, their conversations scream jealousy and almost obsessive hatred. They've spent a considerable amount of time criticising me on the group.

I've heard the most ridiculous criticisms all of which are opinions based on the stupidest of evidence and some downright nasty comments. Along with the idea that I'm using my ex when I want to and taking advantage of him (because asked for child maintenance and applied for it once he refused). And how my Son would be better with his Dad and hates living with me (nonsense). I'm not even sure they truly believe these things. They just want to believe them.

So armed with this awful evidence, would I be unreasonable to not go to any more events I'm invited to and not chat to them except to discuss my Son? A part of me always suspected they didn't like me after I left my Ex but they were nice to my face so I thought I was being silly.

I've not said what I've seen yet but will do. Just choosing the best way to say it.

OP posts:
mya83 · 26/01/2017 17:13

cut them out if your life for good, after letting them know you've read everything.

MrsPeelyWally · 26/01/2017 17:13

I think its time to go NC and to keep your son away as well because with such negative feelings about you there is no way they will ever love your son the way he should be loved.

clarabellabunting · 26/01/2017 17:15

That's odd. As far as I'm aware, when you are added to a whatsapp group you can only see what is posted after you've joined, not the entire chat history of the group.

mogloveseggs · 26/01/2017 17:15

What an awful thing to read! Horrible people id just block and not say anything unless they ask why, then send them their conversation.

Original poster
user1485442361 · 26/01/2017 17:15

My Son loves them and they do love my son so I won't keep him away from them but they will only see him when he's at his Dads.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1485442361 · 26/01/2017 17:16

I've explained it was facebook not whatsapp as my title suggests.l

It's in the actual post that it was facebook chat. And yes, even if you delete all chat history, a person can still see everything that came before on there.

OP posts:
NeedaFanjob · 26/01/2017 17:18

I'd definitely save it. But I think I would go to events with the knowledge that you have. I would gradually bring up certain things that you already know how they feel about and watch their faces LOL. Then I'd wear one of the outfits that you know they have already said is too green or too tight...and I'd say " Do you think this is too green" or "too tight" ( or whatever the critique was)...I would just enjoy the devilry I suppose and the looks on their faces....

BlondieFod · 26/01/2017 17:19

How absolutely awful for you! You sound so calm from your post... I'd be flying off the handle.

I know this is a totally different scenario however, I once had this happen to me with two of my, what I THOUGHT they were, best friends.

I printed the convo off, took a highlighter to it.... you know, to highlight the particularly nasty comments, wrote a nice cover note and posted it to them.

Imagine their embarrassment.

How awful that your son has to be related to such vile people. I get that women can be bitchy when people do well in life but to take photos of your outfit and critique? Wow..... that's another level. Be rid of them. Good riddance to bad rubbish! Cake Flowers

TinklyLittleLaugh · 26/01/2017 17:19

I wouldn't be doing anything at all to facilitate my son's relationship with them. Sooner or later they will start dripping the poison about you into his ear (if they haven't already). Chances are he will end up feeling angry and confused: my kids used to absolutely hate it when FiL slagged me off.

BlondieFod · 26/01/2017 17:20

NeedaFanjob That's not a bad idea and actually really clever. You could kill them with kindness so to speak? If you could put yourself through that haha.

FruitCider · 26/01/2017 17:22

I would screenshot the lot, post it on Facebook and tag them all in it so people know what their true colours are! But then I like a bit of revenge... oh, and definitely cut them out of your life!

caroline29woohooo · 26/01/2017 17:23

Jealous of you. Simple as. X

NeedaFanjob · 26/01/2017 17:24

Children grow up and they usually love relatives from both sides of their family. I doubt they will ever say anything to OP son about his mother... so basically it wont make much of a difference if OP stays away. Over the years I have learned it is better to approach a tricky situation with honey than to take the hammer approach....but we are all different. I will say though that the honey approach can be very rewarding once you lay the honey trap so to speak.

caroline29woohooo · 26/01/2017 17:26

Show them 'happiness' and 'smiles' at all times......it will kill them

Original poster
user1485442361 · 26/01/2017 17:26

I always react in a calm manner to everything. I will decide what to do. I might print everything off and send it to them. Not before having a bit of fun like needafanjob suggests.

OP posts:
Iamastonished · 26/01/2017 17:29

I think Lonely's response is the best. Screenshot everything or print it out, post your response then unfriend and block. Block their numbers on your phone as well.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/01/2017 17:29

I would screenshot the lot, post it on Facebook and tag them all in it so people know what their true colours are! But then I like a bit of revenge... oh, and definitely cut them out of your life!

Wow - that's a great idea - because airing your dirty laundry on Facebook is such a non-twatty thing to do... Hmm

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/01/2017 17:31

It's in the actual post that it was facebook chat. And yes, even if you delete all chat history, a person can still see everything that came before on there.

Actually no - on messenger you only get to see what is posted after you join. I have gone in and out of groups so I am sure of this.

lougle · 26/01/2017 17:33

That's incredibly hurtful. I can only imagine how much it hurt to read all of that. But I don't think you'll feel any better if you do any of the things that have been suggested. You'd be far better to just tell them that they accidentally showed you their previous conversations and, in the light of that, you don't think it's appropriate to socialise. Be dignified.

Janey50 · 26/01/2017 17:34

You really need to ask? No,YANBU!

Liiinoo · 26/01/2017 17:35

I'm going to go against the grain here and suggest you don't stop seeing them. I know that I (and most other people I know) have said some very unpleasant things about family, in-laws, acquaintances, colleagues, even my DCs/DH and DM at times.
Some might have been said in the heat of the moment, some through jealousy or cowardice, or in an attempt to be funny or maybe I even meant them when I said them, but they were all said behind that persons back not to their face because I (deep-down) valued my relationship with that person and didn't want to fall out with them. I would be ashamed and mortified if some people were to ever know the worst things I have said about them. Relationships are complex, the mean things I have said behind their backs are not 100% of my opinion of them. All the good, upfront stuff I have said and done is equally representative IYSWIM.

I can understand you would be angry and upset at this and I don't know how I would react if I had this sort of experience. But they will be in your Dss life for a long time so it would be good if you could salvage some sort of relationship with them. I would suggest putting a note on Messenger saying ' Do you realise I can see everything you've written on here including the message on xx date and xx date. It might be a good idea to start a new thread? Then wait and see how they respond.

VioletRoar · 26/01/2017 17:35

livia I've definitely been able to scroll through groups where the chat has started before I joined on fb.

TurkeyDinosaurs · 26/01/2017 17:36

I agree with printing them before messaging and posting it to both of them with a cover note saying you never want to see them again it's actually perfect if you didn't like them in the first place

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 26/01/2017 17:36

Message them on the WhatsApp group asking if they realise that you can see the previous conversation and see what they manage to bullshit up. Then go NC unless it's about DS

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/01/2017 17:37

If you want to retain some level of dignity ignore and block. No need for the dramatics