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AIBU?

Messages from other woman

93 replies

user1485446106 · 26/01/2017 16:05

Hey all, my bf an I have been living together for almost 2 & 1/2 years, and in a relationship for three.
About a year ago we had a short split after a huge row for a few weeks during that time a woman he used to go to school with(recently divorced) messaged him on facebook, he exchanged one message with her just saying that he was under pressure and upset etc. and she replied with some general chat about her marriage and emotions and so on then asked him to meet for coffee and he agreed...we then got back together and he never met her for coffee..
The thing is she will NOT stop messaging him, there are now five unopened messages from her in his facebook messages, the last one she sent was just his name and a heart..prior to that she was messaging him effusively, oh my dear friend lets meet up and sing and talk..plenty of hearts, I think t's quite over the top, he says he hardly remembers her, she was just some girl that went to his school...but why is she so over the top?
Neither of us really use facebook but a few months ago he had posted a poem he wrote about me as his cover photo..under it she posted a whole pile of hearts and xxx's...
I feel like messaging her and asking her what she is doing or could she please stop, these days it's stressful enough with kids and life to keep your relationship well without divorcees plaguing people they remember from high school all over facebook...AIBU??

OP posts:

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Mommawoo · 26/01/2017 18:36

Sorry op but he's messing with your head. That story with the curtains sounds like something out of a bad porno. Its all to make you feel insecure.

He's also replying to her on facebook and deleting his replies and probably marking her messages unread. When you are on his profile page, click activity log. On the left hand side press more for the little drop down menu and you can then see who has searched for, pictures he had liked etc.

user1485446106 · 26/01/2017 18:37

I'm a total idiot really aren't I, I got a message a while back from his son's mother saying she was glad I was there and her son loves me very much but to take her number in case I ever need anything and that he hopes I believe her that he's a POS, I didn't reply, just thought she was a disgruntled ex...but now...I'm like. Ok I see.

OP posts:

Mommawoo · 26/01/2017 18:37

oh and check his deleted and archived messages folder.

RebootYourEngine · 26/01/2017 18:53

The more i read your posts the more sorry i feel for you. He sounds like a huge cock. I would leave him and get your life back.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 26/01/2017 18:55

He isn't very nice as he is fanning the flames a wee bit and deliberately making you paranoid . Sorry OP it's never nice to read and see - and it might be fixable if you are brave enough to call him in this and assert yourself x

user1485446106 · 26/01/2017 18:56

I really am an idiot though, to leave means having to leave the country as I've been living with him in his country for this whole time, I was ready to go last week but after he fawned all over me and apologised and talked and was sweet etc. I agreed to stay, I just signed a year contract for a new job started tomorrow and I cannot stay here if we split up, this is my own fault for not seeing clearly what was going on before now.

OP posts:

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 26/01/2017 18:56

And maybe have a chat with that ex and sound her out - risky I know !

user1485446106 · 26/01/2017 18:58

According to him he has never done anything wrong in his past relationships that disintegrated, and that all his exes are crazy and mentally ill, in fact that most women are crazy and mentally ill.

OP posts:

RebootYourEngine · 26/01/2017 19:00

What country are you in? You mention kids, would he allow you to leave the country with them?

user1485446106 · 26/01/2017 19:02

I'm in America and yes it's one child each, my child is mine alone, his father is dead.

OP posts:

caz323 · 26/01/2017 19:17

Oh OP, please don't take blame for this. Seems like you have been played BIG TIME by this narcissistic loser. You've been subtly worn down by his clever manipulation. He has taken control of you and your mind. Oh and then he just switches back on the charm. Sounds like a hideous character. And I doubt if the Mrs 'curtains' scenario even took place. It's just invented by his own insecurity and to inflate his own ego. I'm sure you and his ex would have a field day swapping stories. Really hope you find the strength to ditch him. And pronto!

user1485446106 · 26/01/2017 19:30

The curtains girl was a tenant in the building we live in, he is the manager of the building, he then let her stay for a month free because she didn't have money for her rent, he said she asked him to stay to do his tarot cards and then they talked and she tried to kiss him but he pushed her away, drove me mad at the time, I didn't say anything but frequently passed her, when she moved out she was up and down past our window staring in grinning like a maniac, apparently she offered to clean the building to make up for the last months rent but he said he told her no because he didn't want me to be annoyed that she was doing work for him....so instead he just let her off with a month of rent? When i read what I type I really feel embarrassed.

OP posts:

caz323 · 26/01/2017 20:16

Oh God, the plot thickens. Sorry, OP - the last thing I would ever intend to do is offend you. Now after that explanation, I've swung the other way. You're feeling embarrassed because you are a decent, intelligent lady by the sounds of it. But, I reiterate, it is NOT your fault. These manipulative bastards can be so clever. I feel for you - I really do. For you

user1484317265 · 26/01/2017 20:27

You are in a very abusive relationship, he is a classic control freak narcissist. He has followed the script entirely......Get out now, run as fast as you can as far as you can while you are still able.
Soon he will make sure you can't.

user1485446106 · 26/01/2017 20:41

As of now he is just storming around the house demand I get out right now, even though he knows I have no money and nowhere to go, that I'm an abuser and a sadist and he doesn't want it anymore..I want to leave but it's extremely difficult right now when someone is sporadically screaming at me and telling me to go whilst also telling me my life is going to be ruined and I'll never do anything except prey on people and use them before I throw them to the trash.

OP posts:

user1484317265 · 26/01/2017 20:42

Keep away from him until he is out of the house for a few hours. Gather all your important documents, passport, bank stuff, paperwork, your childs stuff, hide it until you can leave. Then run as far as you can.

user1484317265 · 26/01/2017 20:43

And remember that all this shit he is saying is actually about him, not you. He is describing himself with every word.

AnyFucker · 26/01/2017 20:45

Are your parents back in your home country ?

Call them and get the fuck out of there

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