To not know what to do? DS14 told me he's suicidal because of school

[CareBearsEveryWhere]

I'm sat here shaking. Last night my 14 year old son came into my room to see me as I came to bed. He broke down and said he has been having suicidal thoughts and has even sat on his bed with a knife whilst I've been out. He's said he's felt like it for awhile but hasn't told me as I've been ill.

I'll try not to drip feed and give as much info as possible in the hope someone can advise me of my next step.

He's always had trouble fitting in - he's not sporty and quite 'camp' so has been a target for bullies from an early age. I was very concerned with him starting high school and liaised with the school. He had some problems in the final term of year 7 but that was sorted (I thought).

The problem was, he was then seen by his peers 'as a grass' and since then he has faced a small but persistent campaign of hate against him. He's undermined daily with verbal taunts, never picked for group work, left out of form outings and party invites etc. Although he has one or two friends it's 'uncool' to be seen hanging out with my son so they aren't close.

He told me the latest thing is now they all get in his face and say 'gay' to him every single day. My son has to find somewhere to hide at lunch to avoid them. He has no school people on his social media thank goodness so it's only abuse whilst at school.

I had no clue things were so bad until he broke down last night. He says he has told his head of year but he is also head of PE and the worst bullies are the best sportsmen so nothing has been done.

I can't bear the thought of my son so unhappy but I'm not sure what my next step should be. There is another school he could go to but he gets on the bus that serves both schools and has even been attacked (verbally) by the kids from that school too so he says there is 'no point'.

Obviously I'm contacting the school this morning but I'd be grateful for any advice as to how to handle it? It's not just one or two kids it's his whole class! I'm heartbroken for him and I'd sell my soul to make him happy again.

For info, we have a very settled home life - he is my middle child of three and there are no other issues at play. My kids all get on pretty well although my eldest & youngest are very close so middle one can sometimes feel a bit left out - although I try to make sure he's not upset (usually he's fine and on his computer).

I just can't believe a 14 year old boy is thinking that suicide is his only way forward.

(((hugs)))

I went through similar with dd last year.
I phoned the GP the next day and he referred her to Cahms and also spoke to school. I kept her off school a week, next week was half term. She went into a different form when she went back, and has had 6 Cahm's appointments.
Has made a huge difference.
It's a long hard process.

It's not unheard of for schools to minimise and cover up bullying - victim blaming is quite common.

^ This ^

OP - How wonderful a mum you must be for your son to confide in you.

I echo the many in taking him out. He needs to receive an education, but this doesn't have to be at school. Nothing is worth the agonising pain of feeling there is no way out but to die.

Wishing you lots of strength as you get through this time

Baby steps, getting confidence back, but you will have done wonders just by listening and taking action already x

Your poor son

Don't send him in.

Get an emergency appointment at the GP so they can refer to cahms a suicidal 14 year old definitely counts as an emergency

Speak to the school, go above the head of year, because he has failed your son already by failing to deal with the bullies. They won't be able to tell you what action they take against other children but they need to tell you how they plan to keep your son safe.