To ask for money instead of presents?

[Blumkin]

Dd is having a whole class party + some extra friends (around 40dc in total). It's what she wanted - we gave her a choice between a large party, or to have a small party but expensive present, and she chose the party.

However she already has a mountain of toys, my house is still totally full of new stuff from Christmas (some still unopened in cupboard) and I have no where to store anything now.

I've suggested to my dc they do a big clear out and choose which toys to give to charity but apparently they still need every single bit (to be fair though a lot of dds old toys are now played with by younger sibling)

So is it totally unreasonable to ask parents to just sellotape 20p inside a card and forgo getting a present? I can then take dd to Claire's accessories and she can buy a hideous large bow thing that she's been lusting after (would make her extremely happy to go out and buy one)

Part of me knows it's really rude to ask for money, but if I explain that my house just cant cope with any more toys and explain dd will be happy with just any coin they give would that be ok?

If everyone just wants to give/receive cash, it cancels itself out so why is it worth bothering at all? IMO it's very different from choosing something you think the recipient would like, or the excitement of opening surprise gifts.

I think when people say that all the parents love the cash exchange present system, it could be because those who don't like it tend not to speak up. I would hate it but would go along with it so as not to cause awkwardness over a child's party.

Learning to choose presents is a really important skill for children. Most will obviously choose things for mum, dad or grandparents but those gifts will be loved and appreciated unconditionally (one hopes). Choosing for friends is different. Hopefully most children will be polite if they don't like a gift, but the child who chooses the perfect gift will know as the birthday child will tell them, and that will be a special bond between them - an important lesson in the social capital of thoughtfulness towards others. Children will then also learn that the important thing about giving is the thought, not the cash value.

You can't teach any of that with a parents' arrangement to stick a fiver in an envelope.

It's rude to ask for money/no gifts/specific gifts.
Just be grateful for what you're given and donate it to charity/poorer children if you don't want it!
I hate being told what to bring. If you feel so strongly about this you shouldn't have a party

Not trying to be boring, but this post is EXACTLY what I said on about page 1....

I am going to go against the grain here and say I think your poem is great. If I received that in an invite I'd think oh what a modest family.

I'd probably stick a £2 coin in though and stick the card to a bag of sweets or bar of chocolate.
Giving a child just 20p when they've invited mine to an expensive party just wouldn't sit right!

Asking for 20p, whilst a relief for those parents, doesn't mean you won't get plastic tat.

I'm still curious as to whether the OPS daughter knows her mum is going for a no presents option. Has she had any say in this or is she going to be massively disappointed when there's potentially no presents for her

We were in a similar situation one year when dd was around the same age. There was no way that our house could accommodate any more toys but I'd never have dreamt of asking for money. I considered saying nothing and then just taking the gifts to the charity shop, but that felt a bit mean and ungrateful to those who had taken the time to choose something for dd.

Instead, we explained that the house was already full to bursting and that there was no space to accommodate any gifts, and we said that dd really wanted their presence at the party rather than their presents etc. However, we suggested that, if they really wanted to give something, it would make dd really happy if they would donate to a charity on her behalf. DD chose the charity - some random donkey charity that she had been tearfully begging me to support for months damn those TV adverts. She was fully on board with the idea and understood that she wouldn't get any presents, and actually, she was hugely proud of the money that she raised to help her beloved donkeys - in fact she kept telling people about all of the donkeys that were helped on her behalf long after she would have remembered any other presents.

She did still get a few ordinary gifts and a couple of people came with nothing, saying that they would donate later - fine if they did or if they didn't in my opinion, and dd certainly wasn't bothered.Most people did make a donation though, and she got quite a few printed pictures of donkeys, as well as a lovely donkey collage!

Broken biscuit, that's lovely, how thoughtful and compassionate your DD is and what a wonderful idea x