To ask for money instead of presents?

[Blumkin]

Dd is having a whole class party + some extra friends (around 40dc in total). It's what she wanted - we gave her a choice between a large party, or to have a small party but expensive present, and she chose the party.

However she already has a mountain of toys, my house is still totally full of new stuff from Christmas (some still unopened in cupboard) and I have no where to store anything now.

I've suggested to my dc they do a big clear out and choose which toys to give to charity but apparently they still need every single bit (to be fair though a lot of dds old toys are now played with by younger sibling)

So is it totally unreasonable to ask parents to just sellotape 20p inside a card and forgo getting a present? I can then take dd to Claire's accessories and she can buy a hideous large bow thing that she's been lusting after (would make her extremely happy to go out and buy one)

Part of me knows it's really rude to ask for money, but if I explain that my house just cant cope with any more toys and explain dd will be happy with just any coin they give would that be ok?

I currently have 3 parties in one weekend! I'm praying for a '20p in the card' request

As long as you phrased it carefully making it clear that you really would be over the moon with just 20p in a card (on my DS's 4th birthday one person put cash in a card but it was £10 which I thought was way more than a 4 year old would need/appreciate). Some people stock up on gifts in the sale etc. so asking for a significant amount of money each would be annoying but obviously most people can happily part with 20p.

I don't think it's ever appropriate to ask for money. Nobody will believe you just want 20p, they will feel pressured to give her more.

I would, someone did this in my class and it was fine. Just say "please, as we are decluttering and its just after xmas, no bulks/large toys- hope you understand"

then you get small gifts or preferable ££££

I've asked for money (unspecified amount unless asked, "fiver is fine" when most presents cost more than that....)
Or vouchers.
I think for DD's 7th birthday I said something along the lines of "if you already have a gift in mind, that's great. But if you are stuck for ideas, money or next vouchers would be great". And for all the people that contributed the vouchers / money I made sure that the "thank you" detailed the a photo of DD and the outfit that she had chosen.
Did similar for DS I think he was 6 and requested toys r us vouchers, and we ended up with a bike! Many people were happy to give cash or equivalent.
The children were happy to get the money, and help to spend it. They weren't disappointed with a lack of big parcels.
I'll always ask the birthday child or parent if there is a particular present I can buy... or if cold hard cash will do? (Usually a tenner...)

How about doing a lucky dip party bag thing? - ask each invitee to bring a party bag (gender neutral if both sexes are invited) worth no more than £1 or £2 and then each child can take home a different party bag to what they brought. This would also save you from having make up 40 party bags.

FFS, everything's gone so mercenary. Any occasion is an excuse to tout for money. Let's just raise a whole generation with zero respect for any other gift but cash. Birthdays, weddings, christenings, leaving dos, dinner parties, think of them all as a way to line the ol' coffers and tell your guests, 'Up yours! I want your money or I won't be happy.'

No, it's not okay to ask for money. You just state again, 'No gifts, please.'

'How about doing a lucky dip party bag thing? - ask each invitee to bring a party bag (gender neutral if both sexes are invited) worth no more than £1 or £2 and then each child can take home a different party bag to what they brought. This would also save you from having make up 40 party bags.'

Yeah, stick it to your guests' parents to have to make up a gender neutral party bag .

I don't think you can ask for money politely, no.

Haven't rtft but definitely do it. Parents will be thrilled they don't have to go shopping and spend more money on more tat. We do that from when they start school and it works really well. We all give £5 in a card and all the mum's are thrilled with the agreement. Hope your dd enjoys her birthday

I would leave it, but just make sure that when presents are unwrapped, the boxes don't get opened (glares at annoying auntie here), so 3/4 of the presents can get regifted over the next couple years. If you know any parents or they ask, then can mention dd really wants a spending spree in Claires or whatever.

By age 7-8 they only have a few close friends for a party or outing and can get something more specific to them. Currently doing rounds of 8th birthdays and lots are getting cool clothes (Minecraft T-shirts or hats) and some have asked for book tokens.

I did this with ds2 birthday last year, I was getting emails and texts asking what to get him, his Xbox subscription was up for renewal and I asked if they could either buy him a Xbox gift card, or money towards one.

This year I'm be doing the same, he's got all the gifts and gadget he needs.

It's different if you're asked though. I'd have no issue with saying she'd like money towards a hair bow if someone asked what she would like. But you can't put it on the invitation (if you don't want to be considered rude).

Do you know any of the other parents well enough to raise the issue with them? if they are sensible they will suggest organizing a group collection (doesn't need to include everybody) in which everyone donates a relatively small amount and someone buys one, larger, meaningful gift. Maybe tickets for a membership if you really don't want any material things.

I'm usually on the "hell no" side of asking for money, but if you phrase the request with humour I think the 20p thing is great. For some reason it tickles me.

I actually think that would be fine. Although I'd probably want to put at least a few quid into the card, not just 20p. But I don't see a problem with it. It's not like you're expecting loads of money.

Poem is awful it implies their gifts would be tat.

Our house is full of plastic tat
And can't store any more of that,

Oh dear. How insulting to your guests.

I was assuming the poem was just for fun and not actually going to be sent out?

YABU though I can see why you don't want to buy one of those bows with your own money. They are horrific.

If guests ask then obviously point them in the right direction but otherwise you just get what your given.

I would love this request. In fact we were invited to a party where it was worded something like, "Arabella doesn't need any more toys so please don't feel you need to give her a present, your presence at the party is all she wants. However, if you would really like to give her something she is saving for a season pass to x and would love you to put a pound or two in her money box towards that". Perfect.

I only give Amazon vouchers or cash. I wouldn't be offended at all.

My DDS party was last week, we didn't request cash, but some people asked and I just said if not too cheeky could we ask for money in a card, but if you prefer a gift that's fine too and neither is obligatory. They were really happy to do that, and were relieved they didn't have to faff about.

Expat is right, every invite nowadays seems to be about how much they can make from the guests. May as well be honest and charge an entry fee rather than pretend to be the host.