Floods of tears

[cathf]

How many times have I read that phrase since I started perusing the Mumsnet boards?
I'm sat here in floods of tears...
I couldn't stop crying
I'm sobbing
He's making me cry
I burst into tears
Do we want to be treated like grown-ups or like little girls?
Difficult to articulate what I mean and why I find it so annoying, but I think it boils down to women demanding equality (and rightly so) but collapsing into pathetic wrecks when the going gets tough, and expecting sympathy by crying.
Does anyone else know what I mean?

I've been with my husband for 11 years and in that time he has cried more often than me! It's not weak and it's not pathetic.

I think MN provides a space where people can turn when there is no one else; or at least no one else available or empathetic. So yes, there is more "extreme" emotion demonstrated here. So what, if it helps people who am I to judge or label?

Ah, that old chestnut. "I don't cry, I'm tough, not like those sissies. I'm not like other girls."

OK, I will admit to thinking someone going to the effort of typing "I am in floods of tears" is probably laying it on a bit thick. But to accuse anyone who cries of being an attention seeking manipulative weakling undeserving of equality is really quite dickish.

No, I am not flouncing.
I am accepting that IABU unreasonable - as stated above - and have said that I don't want to get embroiled in a feminism thread, as that looks to be the direction the thread is heading.
I don't think that is flouncing, is it??

By using the "sisterhood" what I mean is this:

If you pulled some random off the street and asked them "what does mumsnet mean to you" the chances are they'd say "its a website for mums/women to seek advice and talk to each other about stuff".

That's why - even taking into account the madness that AIBU can become - I believe that Mumsnet is chiefly there for women to support women.

That's what I meant (long reply, eh).

I have nothing against crying. I cry A LOT (several times a week), I cry because I really care (about my DD, DH, work, friends, family, the fucking world). It's not a sign of weakness.

BUT - "I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face" etc. just stinks of attention seeking. I get what you're trying to say OP.

You brought up women demanding equality and then crying, so it was you who brought up feminism.

Ps: you WILL get feminist-y replies posting opening cracks like this -

Difficult to articulate what I mean and why I find it so annoying, but I think it boils down to women demanding equality (and rightly so) but collapsing into pathetic wrecks when the going gets tough, and expecting sympathy by crying.

I get what you're saying, OP.

I doubt the veracity of people who are sobbing so uncontrollably but are still able to type about it.

I have no problem with people expressing themselves with tears, if that's how they do so except my ex mil who could turn them on and off like a fucking tap .

Nope.

My dh df and both dss are far more emotional and cry more than me my dm or my dds.

Nothing wrong with s good cry it's s good release valve.

I agree with ThinkPink. It's when it's clearly attention-seeking, over-dramatic and over-the-top, especially when it's massively disproportionate to whatever they're upset about, that it's just annoying.

I was expecting this thread to be about the expression "in floods of tears", which I find irritating, especially when used to describe a reaction to something absolutely minor.

As for actual crying - there's nothing wrong with a therapeutic cry, it's a lot healthier than holding all the stress inside.

Today I had a bloody good sob. Tears streaming down my face because chronic pain and sleep deprivation had brought me down along with far too many other things to list. Afterwards I pulled myself together and continued with my day. I continued to play with my toddler, made sure she had everything she needs, sorted my home etc.

I needed that cry. I needed to release the tension that had built up over the last few weeks and I felt better afterwards. I don't think that makes me weak. In fact I would say I'm a bloody strong woman who is dealing with a fuck load at the minute.

Perhaps your understanding of feminism is muddled, and you didn't realize that you introduced a feminist issue.
When you say things like 'crying like a little girl' , you are choosing to identify a physical reaction with social conditioning and gender. People will respond to that.

I agree with you. I hate it when people tiptoe round women at work because they're crying AGAIN because someone pointed out something they've done wrong or they had an argument with their boyfriend that morning or whatever. It's not all the women at work; just 2. They're adults and it's a workplace and it is unprofessional when it happens all the time.

And as for the 'I'm howling' on a celebrity death thread or 'in floods' because of the John Lewis Christmas ad or because their DP didn't write a hugely emotive message in their Christmas card - everyone is entitled to feel and express emotion in whatever way they react but I don't have to think it's an appropriate response. And I do wonder how the hell they respond when something bad actually happens to them.

I do get the "attention-seeking" argument but the OP does come across megaharsh

My DH and I tend to cry together about things.

It makes us just as soppy as each other.

No shame in outward signs of inward emotion. It makes the cry-Babies amongst us part of the human race.

Its good to cry. Some men cry too little, as do some women.

Crying to manipulate is bad.
Crying because you have to is good.

And the last time I remember being in floods of tears it was due to the medication I'd started to take.

I don't see why having an emotional reaction to something (presumably privately at home) means someone isn't entitled to being treated with equality.

One thing I never ever do is cry at work!! No way José.

Women cry.

They do it from distress, exhaustion, pity, shame, despair, relief and even joy.

It is Nature's way of helping to cope with feelings that are too strong to be contained. As long as it doesn't become a means of manipulating others or of sliding out of responsibility for ourselves, there is nothing wrong with it. It is HEALTHY!

Sometimes we are so overwhelmed by what is happening that we need to let it out. And it is a recognised phenomenon that men who cry are usually mentally and emotionally stronger than those who don't. (No - I don't have a link, but I read it in a book.)

There is a huge difference between the tears that help us to cope (and that signal to others that we need help or time or support) and tears of self-pity, rage or frustration.

Crying appropriately is nothing to be ashamed of.

You do realise that you are just spouting the same misogynistic bullshit that male chauvinists spew out on a daily basis, don't you? If you really do believe that women deserve equality, you've got a funny way of showing it. You don't have a whole lot of respect for other women, do you?

It's perfectly normal to cry and it's not just women who do it. My dad, who is in his 70s, gruff and completely incapable of expressing emotions in words, is renowned for blubbing at the drop of a hat - and I love him all the more for it.

Also, most women don't just burst into tears in front of people. They go away somewhere quietly, have their cry, and come back. They don't cry in front of people for sympathy or 'collapse into pathetic wrecks'. They might mention it here, but that's because they are talking to other women for support and sisterhood (which clearly you aren't keen to provide).

When I see people say on Mumsnet that they are in tears, it's usually because they have had a truly horrible or upsetting experience - they've been treated like utter shit by someone they really love, or they're in dire financial straits and might lose their house, or they've had some awful shock. I rarely see anyone in tears for trivial stuff.

Showing feelings is not 'weak'. That's a pile of bullshit. Women being equal with men does not mean they have to act like them - and in any case, that 'boys don't cry' crap does men a terrible disservice and is deeply harmful.

Have compassion at least for an attention seeker. They must have it bad in life if they need to draw attention to themselves. Maybe lonely, or a childhood without affection.

Whatever. There is always a story behind people's behaviour....

I actually agree with OP.

Yes there are many many genuine reasons for crying, and crying can be good for you...

but out in RL there are a hell of a lot of women who cry very very easily, and people do have to tiptoe round them.

Look at all the threads about MILs or SILs "turning on the waterworks", "AIBU to cry because no-one at work wished me a Happy Birthday?" etc etc.

I get what you mean OP.

have said that I don't want to get embroiled in a feminism thread

Why did you start one, then?

You brought up women crying and linked it to women's fight for equality.

What did you expect?

I cry a lot. My husband cries.

I thought it made us human. I also think we are very strong people.

I am not sure what crying has to do with equality.