WIBU to be furious about the way my DH spoke to me?

[TheLuckyMrsPine]

So I work part time. I have my own account and my very small wages go in to it. I pay for the family car, fuel, insurance, my pension, kids pocket money, kids phones, kids clothes, dog insurance and food etc etc.

My DH has a very big important job but my job is important to me.

Eldest DD 12 has high temperature. I have my annual appraisal this morning which needs to be submitted to meet targets. Line manager not in after today so last chance to do it. My dad kindly offered to sit with my DD (who was asleep) so that I could do my appraisal and then would come home and have to make up time.

My DH got really annoyed and said one of us should stay with her and as his "job was important and earns the main wage" and that "it didn't matter" if my HR record was affected as my job is "not important!" I was furious by this as I feel like, although my DD is poorly, she is 12, asleep, there is someone here with her, and she is not throwing up or crying in pain.

Although my job is annoyingly low paid it is very technical and there is no one that can pick it up. I only work 2 days a week, and do not get paid for time off with children.

He then said he could work from home and but that it wouldn't go down well at work.

I was really upset by his wording and the way in which he spoke to me.
He made me feel exceptionally guilty about considering going in for 3 hours. He doesn't understand why I am being so "dramatic" or upset about what he said.

AIBU to be disappointed and angry at him?

MrsP I hope you're ok? Hugs

Mrs P sadly I had the same attitude re his important work (tip of the iceberg) from my xh.
It killed everything in the end because their lack of respect for you means you losing respect for him.

Everything in your post reminds me of my 10 years. (My dh would feel threatend when my mum came to vidit and he liked her). I feel suffocating only thinking about it. Never again - it is not what a true loving rel is about.

(Interestingly, once removed from the selfimposed 50s family structure he created my xh is again the men I wanted to marry. He treats me like an equal instead of ' little housewoman with a jobette' and his job is just a job. Sadly I think it is too late, and I wouldn't trust it/him.

Is he drinking btw?

Sapphire he was referring to the dad - he felt an outsider because mrs p was with her dad.
*
Bluntness* I have to disagree re the little job having to give way to the big job. If nothing else because I don't think that the employer of the little job would be impressed with an emplyee not performing bevause her husband has a big important job.
And let's face it it is often the case that the little job is flexible bevause ot is chosen as such. The person in the little job already jumps hoops and bothers the big jobber hardly ever (not even this time as she had already organised it), so to be made to feel shit on top of it is unfair.

Disclaimer, I used the terms little job and big job sarcastically.

Mrs P I feel you dh is jealoys of the rel you have with your dad, of the fact that you, your dad and the kids are a unit and he feels not included. (I am not saying he is, but somehow he must feel it.) worth exploring.

Ask your dad to look after the kids for an hour or so and go somewhere you can have a proper conversation

Then TELL him that you won't be punished for going to your review, sorting out the childcare etc, and if he wants to show the blood and water, that he's as able as anyone to step up and be counted.

Tell him sulking is so unattractive.

Oh I think there is much wider issues it seems, I don't think you can continue like this, it's not fair on the kids or you to live like this. His behaviour is very abusive and controlling . And it's very not normal to react as he is doing over something so minor as you going in for your appraisal.

You need to try to sit down with him and talk this through if you can, as I think seperation is the only answer. Text him and say you wish to discuss the future as this can't continue.

You are paying for to much out of yr wages...he should be covering most of what yr paying for...attitude towards yr job is awful and nasty to you

Oh,you've posted before haven't you?? I thought you were leaving him...as he was being awful about yr dad having meals with you.and all 3 of you own the house..oh dear this isn't good.sorry your still having problems...could dh move in to the annex and yr dad in the house

Yes literally the best thing about this is that surely if you own a third and are largely primary carer and your df owns a third then if anyone has to go it should be your abusuve husband.

Do you feel physically safe? That throwing tea towel thing is intended to intimidate. If you feel safe then I think you need to get more comfortable saying 'it's not emotional blackmail, it's a fact, and if you don't choose to discuss it and address the situation, it'll be a fact sooner than you think.'

Plus take on more hours.

OP, I just came on to say that I was you 6 months ago. I kicked him out. We are working through stuff but he is now having to cook, clean, and coparent for the first time in his life. I hope he learns from this. Counselling can help you and him (separately) work out what is best going forward.

How are you doing Mrs Pine?