To think this inheritance split is not fair?

[Big8]

Ok, firstly I know I should be grateful to be getting anything from my grandparents. And I am. But I'm just wondering what the general consensus is on this...

Grandparents have 2 offspring.

Have set aside £x for grandchildren.

There are five grandchildren.

My father has 4. His sister has 1.

Now rather than the £x being split into 5 equal portions for us all

Half of £x goes to Aunts child.
Half goes to my dad's children to be divided between 4.

So say it's £1000

Cousin gets £500.

We get £125 each.

What do you think of that?

Gosh, unless someone was ill and needed expensive medical treatment, I could never give less money to a child because he is more successful, that's awful. It gives a dreadful message, that he's being punished for working harder or choosing a job which pays more. It's so unfair. That's the best way to ensure families will never speak to each other again.

The successful one is free to share with the others, but that should be his decision. If someone makes sacrifices, work hard, to get a high paying high pressure job, then it's horrible for parents to tell him that he deserves less than his siblings who have a more relax life, or have made different choices.

Showing preference towards one of your children or grand children is dreadful. It's a shame people do that in real life. No wonder some people are so upset and bitter.

I think also Mambono, as pps have often pointed out on other threads, you just can't predict what will happen, and the fortunes of the currently very well off can change very quickly further down the line. So I too would not do a 'means tested' split but go for equal shares.

It's theirs to do with as they please.

It may not seem fair, it may not BE fair but it is what they chose to do.

If it was someone I thought I was close to eg.mum and I couldn't see a reason I'd be more upset about what the issue may have been than the financial side of things.

I also don't agree that you leave more to the less well off child than the well off one. You can't predict what will happen - the well off one might have a sudden change in fortune and the less well off one might win millions on the lottery the day of your funeral.

All a person can do, in my opinion, is divide their estate in the fairest way - either to their children, grandchildren, cat's home, basket weavers anonymous, or whoever.

I have one child so I guess that makes my will easier to manage!

I assume this is directed at me Mambono5.

Well "Gosh" but it's ridiculous to suggest that someone in a more professional position got there due to "working harder" than someone who for whatever reason is a cashier in Sainsbury's - I think that's a pretty snobby and prejudice outlook you have and to say that someone has a "more relaxed life" because they don't have much money would be laughable if it wasn't so offensively inaccurate.

What constitutes "successful" by the way? I don't consider someone who is paid £150,000 a year more successful than someone earning £30,000 because success isn't measured by income.

It's obviously a case of different strokes for different folk - Some are all about the money and others are motivated by principle, just as some are stuck up and others aren't, gosh.

I refuse to make already well off people even wealthier, no matter what relation they happen to be. On the other hand I would/will help relations who haven't had as much privilege in life.

For example, I won't leave as much for my niece and nephew who have had extremely privileged upbringings, a massive helping hand getting on the property ladder, saving accounts since birth etc whereas I will make a more hefty provision for my other nieces and nephews who are working just as hard in full time jobs but who haven't had the same privilege and help in life as their two cousins.

What's a more damning dreadful message is the fact the rich keep getting richer whilst the poor continue to struggle.

Agree Mambono5 - my DH has always been treated differently to his sister and his dad (divorced from his mum) has said he knows the sister will get everything from the mother and her family and DH will get nothing.

She's had two brand new cars, holidays galore, significant deposit on a property, student fees paid for...I can't imagine treating my children that differently! Especially when she's a self centred entitled child and DH is incredibly focused on work and dedicated to work and family and conscious of others

I am in the 50/50 split between the children camp.
I was nearly 40 with no kids.Siblings had several children each. Dad died. Money went to mum but each GC got a considerable sum in a savings account.

I then had 2 kids. So they got nothing from my dad - fair enough. But if it had been the whole estate I'd be seriously upset, and my kids would be disadvantaged.

Keep it simple. Split equally between your children and if they choose to have 0 or 9 kids or to have step children then that is up to them.

How would you feel if you got nothing from your parents just because you didn't have kids? If we are talking £100 no problem but if the whole £1m estate goes to your brother's kids and you get zero...?

What about gay sons - less likely to have children than straight siblings. And as for judging how well off someone is - you never really know. My cousin was v well off - so we thought. Divorce and a disabled son screwed her finances. She has nothing now.

EmeraldScorn

ahem... by definition, ALL my kids have had the same start in life, the same opportunities. They live in the same neighborhood, they go to the same schools, get the same help if they struggle in a particular subject. (Medical issue excepted) they have an absolutely equal start in life and the same priviledges. If one is a cashier in Sainsburys whilst the other one is a investment banker at Goldman's, then it's entirely up to them. If one is an (underpaid) nurse and the other one a private surgeon, it's entirely up to them. As a parent, I will not make a judgement on their lifestyle and give more to one than the other in my will.

What constitutes "successful" by the way? I don't consider someone who is paid £150,000 a year more successful than someone earning £30,000 because success isn't measured by income. This is exactly my point, and which is why all I have what little there is will be divided equally between my kids, regardless of their career/ family situation or any other factor. It sounds the fairest way to do things to me.

Agree with you mambono5.
Also agree with Jiggly upthread.
And with TrickyD about second marriages - we have a lot of threads on here about adult children being totally cut out of their father's/mother's will by dint of pre-deceasing a second spouse. Happened to a frind of mine and it was dreadful.

His mum died when he was a teenager. Terrible. His dad remarried. Younger, had her own kids. The last thing she wanted was a teenage boy spoiling her party. The dad died some five years later. Everything including the house went to her. She sold it and moved away. He never saw a penny.

But where does the money actually go if it's significant, and the (adult) child has no children?

It may well leave the family, which is probably not what the parents intended.

Where does it go after the adult child's death, I mean.

Your grandparents had two children. They split it between those two children effectively 50:50 each. Tough titty that your father had 4 kids and your aunt had one.

Get over it.

Ah I see what you mean. If family is important to the nieces and nephews. If not it might leave the family, true.

She feels like she's been punished for her infertility.

But if she had DC she wouldn't receive any extra, her DC would. In fact she'd receive less as it would then be split 6+ ways instead of 5.

Museum'we have, and will have, no children. We will leave everything to our nieces and nephews with token amounts to godchildren.

Why would it matter if the money "left the family" though? Technically DH's family money (if there is any) will leave his family after his death because he's the last one. Our nieces and nephews are on my side but they're as much his family as mine in our eyes.

I expect my grandparents will do this. They have 5 children.

Uncle 1: 4 kids, no grandchildren
Uncle 2: 2 kids, 2 grandchildren and 1 step-grandchild
Dad: 5 kids from 2 marriages, 2 grandchildren (my kids)
Aunt: no kids, but (adult, didn't live with her) stepchildren
Uncle 3: no kids

I think the only fair thing to do is to split their will 5 ways between their children. There could be many more great-grandchildren born over the next few years - all my cousins are in their 20s/early 30s, my sister (33) is getting married this year and my half-siblings are still at school and could have kids at any point over the next 30 years!

Not RTFT but I think it's fair to split between the offspring of the children - ie

Daughter 1 has 2 children - they get 1/4 each

Daughter 2 has 4 children, they get 1/8 each.

It's not daughter 1's fault that daughter 2 had more children than she had, and I think it's fairer to split it this way.

But actually it should go to the two daughters in equal shares if they are both still alive - all things being equal. If one daughter has cared for the elderly parents, or one daughter is particularly well off, you might change things.

When DH's grandmother died, she left half the money to MIL and the other half divided between all the grandchildren. DH's aunt died in the 70s. This meant that DH's cousins hardly got anything. But I would have given 1/2 to MIL and 1/4 each to each of the cousins, nothing to DH or his siblings who get their share when MIL dies.

I imagine many people reading this will disagree with me. But inheritance is a real minefield. It's a definite advantage to be an only child when it comes to inheritance - nobody to argue with!

However, if both daughters are alive, I would leave the money to them, not to the grandchildren.

This thread is so weird - I think some people interpreted the OP differently.

(I of course interpreted it 'correctly'.)

Sorry that final line was in the wrong place! It should have been under the bit about the hypothetical daughters.

Why would it matter if the money "left the family" though? Technically DH's family money (if there is any) will leave his family after his death because he's the last one. Our nieces and nephews are on my side but they're as much his family as mine in our eyes.

For most people, though, there is somewhere within the family for the money to go. If not - nothing you can do about that.

I expect that most people would rather their money to go to their direct descendants rather than their son/daughter-in-law's family.

I am the only sibling with children but my mum has told us that the split will be even between us, I don't think my children will get there own inheritance but perhaps we should look into inheritance tax and get our proportion split to include them.

No thats fair - equal between the sides of the family. My son lost his father and his grandparents altered their will to leave all their money to the surviving brother. The small amount of money for the grandchildren was also split equally between the grandchildren - 1/3 to my son and 1/3 each to his cousins.
Because my son lost his father he also lost almost all inheritance he might have had from his fathers family - that's not fair

I agree with user 147 - when the son died , his inheritance should have gone to his children, not been given to the sibling.

And im addition, the child should also have had the same share as the other GC.

If anything, that GC needs the money more as he no longer has a father.

*SanitysSake Wed 25-Jan-17 09:49:50
Your grandparents had two children. They split it between those two children effectively 50:50 each. Tough titty that your father had 4 kids and your aunt had one.

Get over it.*

What a way to reply to someone! Perfect example of why people hate Aibu. What on earth makes you think that is an acceptable way to answer an inoffensive question?

And she didn't even understand the issue.

If you're going to be rude 'tough titty'? at least know what you're talking about.

Sheesssh. This thread.