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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should work offer to pay for sitter?

85 replies

TheFear · 24/01/2017 07:49

I work in a client facing role, clients visit our offices for meetings/ workshops perhaps once a quarter on average.
Generally I am expected to bring them out for a meal or a few drinks, mid week. Not every night, maybe once, next week there are 2 events, I am not expected to attend both but certainly should attend 1 of them.

DH feels that work should offer to pay for a sitter and should not assume that he will look after the kids while I am out "enjoying myself".

We both know what is expected of me in my role, part of it is looking after the client outside office hours to some extent.
I like my client and we usually have fun on our nights out so I'm wondering is this what is bugging DH, or does he genuinely have a point? So is he BU or am I, to assume that he will support my work commitments?

OP posts:

GinIsIn · 24/01/2017 09:15

That's a ridiculous attitude! You have chosen to have kids, so why on earth should financing them so you can undertake an aspect of your job be the company's responsibility?

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 24/01/2017 09:19

'Unfortunately my firm doesn't have that perk but it's great that yours does darling. Next time you are going out in the evening for work put in a claim and book a babysitter then I can go out with x y and z rather than having to go on a night when you are here to look after the dc.'

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 24/01/2017 09:23

Why the FUCK is your DH feeling hard done to?? One parent is working, the other looks after the kids - end of.

What would he be doing whilst this babysitter looked after his kids?

KoalaDownUnder · 24/01/2017 09:23

This reeks of your DH thinking that childcare is your responsibility, because you have a vagina.

Yep.

Clandestino · 24/01/2017 09:24

Nobody is asking my DH if he needs a sitter when he's off on a business trip. He's expected to travel as a part of his job.
I'm off on a business trip next week and it wouldn't even cross my mind to ask my work to pay for a nanny or a minder so DH can relax a bit. It's all a part of the job. Your DH is ridiculous.

Florin · 24/01/2017 09:35

If it was the other way round he wouldn't ask the question. My husband often has to do work night outs, some with extremely late notice. It's one of the main reasons I am a SAHM as with his work hours and last minute business trips the childcare would be impossible but that is our issue not theirs. The only time a client has paid for stuff is when we were on holiday and just paid to get into an attraction with our ds when the client called as some major issues. Dh spent the whole time in the car working in the car but sorted out the issue. The client was grateful so told my husband to let our son choose what he wanted from the gift shop and take me out to lunch to say thank you and sorry for interrupting our holiday (he had to deal with stuff most days of our 2 week holiday). It was not asked for and is a very rare occurrence!

AntiGrinch · 24/01/2017 09:36

This is ridiculous. work never pays for childcare.

Your DH's determination to believe that they should, is really a determined belief that if a woman works it can never, ever impact on the man; so if there are children, they are still her responsibility.

It's also apparent that because going out in the evening looks like a jolly, then it doesn't count as work, and you doing it is in some way getting one over him.

He's pathetic.

I have an ex who was really, really weird about any commitments I had to anything but him. Work - totally. He was horrible to me every evening I came back from work with a 90 min commute, because he had been Taking Care of the Children. He bitched and whined about a Friday evening thing constantly (suggesting that I ask to change a regular arrangement that affected 100s of people to another night, and being a bit confused that I didn't think I could, etc) but when I asked him to specify a day or a date he wanted to do something, so I could arrange to be excused or get other childcare, he never came back with anything. Basically he may or may not have wanted to go out, with or without me, but he didn't want to come and say so in time for me to deal with it - he just wanted me to sit and home doing nothing, being available.

Anyway he is an ex.

It's reasonable that your DH might have other things to do, and you might find it best to get a babysitter on any given night. but he thinking that a babysitter should automatically be covered means that he thinks that nothing you do should ever require him to do childcare; and that he gets first dibs automatically on all evenings.

ask him why he thinks this? He won't admit it

youngestisapsycho · 24/01/2017 09:45

He feels hard done by?! What, for having to sit in his own house at night, with his own kids!

WelliesAndPyjamas · 24/01/2017 09:51

Was this part of your role clear from the start, was it always a part of the job you took? Does your salary include that expectation they have of you?

Although things like this are inconvenient, it does sound more like it's an issue your dh has, rather than your employment.

I have a volunteer role that can sometimes take a lot of time away from my family time and my job, and despite the fact this was NOT made clear at the beginning, I could never ask for my childcare to be paid for out of funds designated to something else. It is a bitter pill, admittedly so I can see your dh's pov to a certain extent. For example, I had to pay £42 for before and after school care for two children and an additional day's preschool, and on top of that missed out on a day of earning, so I was in double defecit and it cancelled out the money I'd been putting aside for my ds2 to do an extracurricular school club the following term and he missed out too...but I had no choice but to do all that and to whinge about it would have been petty.

hoddtastic · 24/01/2017 09:54

i used to do a similar job and was away for nights at least once if not twice a week. Tell your dp, next time he wants to go out that although you are in you can't be arsed minding the kids so he'll have to get a sitter. just in case you fancy doing something. He'll also need a nanny for the days you do pick up so that you aren't stuck with them.

he sounds really awful you know, petty and resentful.

NerrSnerr · 24/01/2017 09:54

Great. My husband is away this week. I can't be arsed to look after my daughter in the evenings so I'm going to charge a nanny to his workplace! I love that idea!

AnnieAnoniMouse · 24/01/2017 09:55

😂. Deluded eejit.

MrEBear · 24/01/2017 09:55

Not normal for employers to pay for childcare, it's part of your job and your responsibility.

But if they did they would be looking for a receipt from a professional (not worth their risk of paying the teenager next door) that in turn means you'd be using an babysitting agency, or nanny and in effect leaving your child with a stranger. I would also take a guess that it would not qualify as a "business expense" instead it would be classed as a "benefit in kind" therefore you would end up paying income tax on the cost of the nanny or babysitter.

Alternatively you get childcare vouchers and pay for a nanny that way.

Or even better still Daddy takes the responsibly for his children which costs nothing.

Enkopkaffetak · 24/01/2017 09:57

Wondering if I can go back the last 18 years and charge each of dh's old works baby sitting money for the MANY days he has been away or not home in the evenings... (that could be a new house to be honest )

OP your dh is being stupid. (you are not so allowed to be very smug IMO)

Jackiebrambles · 24/01/2017 10:00

Your DH has given me a right chuckle this morning!! LMAO, as if!!

If he has a client night out, will he be asking them to pay for his baby sitter?

No?

Is that because a wife is always just simply expected to be at home with the children?

He needs to catch himself on.

ExplodedCloud · 24/01/2017 10:02

Can he give any instances of this ever happening? Apart from in his head?

Silly man.

RogueStar01 · 24/01/2017 10:13

wouldn't it be great if magic really was real? Everytime I do overtime or my DH works a weekend or evening as he does frequently I'd book a babysitter and go on a jolly. How can he honestly think this passes the sniff test? He's an entitled wally.

SheldonsSpot · 24/01/2017 10:17

DH is away overnight tonight, I'm going to text him to get him to ask the boss about paying for babysitting. Oh wait... he is the boss.

empirerecordsrocked · 24/01/2017 10:21

Actually my employer has paid for childcare for overnight trips - it's gone on expenses but not when the other parent has been there to you know, parent their children!

Olympiathequeen · 24/01/2017 10:24

DH is objecting to looking after his own children while you are effectively working? Idiot.

RB68 · 24/01/2017 10:26

Ha ha ha that would break nearly every company and organisation in the UK. Many roles in companies have this requirement - if it was him that was expected to socialise would he consider it??

Sorry he is being utterly ridiculous to suggest this - however if he is fed up of this and feeling jealous then you maybe need to give him a pink slip every now and then when you are around

WorraLiberty · 24/01/2017 10:26

Your DH is being ridiculous and needs to look after his own kids.

However....

He had said it was common practice for companies to cover the cost of a night out, even if that was to cover babysitting

I disagree they should cover the cost of babysitting, but if you are expected to take clients out for a meal or a few drinks, then yes of course the company should cover the cost of that.

I hope they do??

FuckOffDailyMailQuitQuotingMN · 24/01/2017 10:34

Are you given an entertainment allowance as part of your salary? They are often more than is spent on entertaining anyway so I guess the "surplus" (although it is taxable income) could be said to pay for a sitter.

If you are reimbursed for entertaining or use a company credit card then this wouldn't be the case.

Either way, I agree with others, it is not your employer's responsibility.

FuckOffDailyMailQuitQuotingMN · 24/01/2017 11:15

If it was an event that your DH was to accompany you to then yes I'd be considering asking for a contribution (or indeed the whole cost) towards a babysitter for that evening.

What? I've had to go away with my DH for many years for weekends away with his company and never would I ever consider asking them for childcare costs! Firstly the majority of his peers either have grown children or none and secondly it wasn't part of his agreed compensation package. I hate the weeeknds away but they are part and parcel of his job and so we pay for childcare.

user1484317265 · 24/01/2017 11:17

DH feels that work should offer to pay for a sitter and should not assume that he will look after the kids while I am out "enjoying myself

Is he insane? Would he expect the same if you had a penis? No, he would not!
Tell him to man the fuck up and be a parent.

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