AIBU to put my notice in at the end of maternity leave?

[MGFM]

I want to provide as much info as possible so you lovely people can help me see the pit falls and problems with what I want to do. And to see if you would suck it up and stick it out.

I am in the Navy. I earn good money £47k but I haven't progressed out of my rank since training as I have had babies and taken some non career type positions which haven't done me any favours career wise but which I have thoroughly enjoyed. I dont regret not chasing promotion but I am stagnant now and it is very frustrating.

I am on my second maternity leave. I am taking a full year and will be returning to work in October of this year. I really want to leave the navy. The positions available to me on return to work wont be great. They will be mundane and actually quite boring. The situation is that if I do a full 12 years in the Navy I will get a £10k resettlement grant. Pension will be lump sum of £14k at 65 and pension of £4,600 at 65 and then a top up at 68 to £9,800.

If I put my notice in when i return to work - i have to work a years notice anyway - this is standard and will cover my return of service for mat leave. this would mean i would leave at 10 1/2 years done. I wouldnt be entitled to the £10k. Lump sum at 65 would be £14k, pension at 65 £4,600 and then top up to £8,000 when I am 68.

There is very little in it pension wise. The £10k is worth consideration.

Other issues - husband also in the Navy. Currently sea going. Will be deploying this year and then again within 18 months. I will be job hunting and trying to forge a second career (in god knows what) whilst he is away at sea. This is not ideal. If I wait until he is on dry land when I am due to leave 18 months later it will of course be a lot easier to focus on my career move.

Other points worthy of consideration - the Navy although no part time option, is very flexible. If the kids are sick or whatever it may be, then there is no problem with staying home with them. I can get a work laptop and work from home when needed. There will be a greater level of understanding of being full time working with two toddlers with a husband deployed.

But I really really hate my job and I want to leave! I cant stand the idea of staying in the navy till October 2020. Argh!! I dont know what to do.

Disclaimer: no benefits of any type will be claimed. DH earns £45k. I will not be a SAHM.

I just dont know what to do.

I think too many opinions are focused on the 10k.

I think when having 2 small children and working full time, a flexible family friendly employer is worth an awful lot. Especially when your husband is going to be away. Even though it's mundane, it pays very well. Mundane jobs in civvy street pay 18k.

Trying to establish a new career with two small kids and a posted husband will be hard.

I'd stick out the next couple of years, raise your babies, get them sleeping through the night, take the cash. Get the training courses, expand your skill set.

Use the next couple of years to set yourself up so you are in the best position to launch yourself into your new career 110%.

Any civvy Street job paying 47k plus is going to want it's piece of flesh, probably with longer hours and definitely less holiday (legal min is something like 20/24 Inc bank hols?). You may get an employer who is family friendly. You may not.

You sound like you're itching to get onto your next steps, and your junior rank in a hierarchical employer irritates. You do sound like you can/deserve more, but just make sure when you make your decision you are aware of what you are losing as well as gaining. And I don't mean the 10k!

It's unlikely you'll to get a flexible job that lets you leave at 4pm (and even earlier on a Friday) as soon as you come out of the navy. It will take time and effort to establish yourself in a job.

I moved jobs last year thinking I wanted more - had been overlooked for promotion due to two lots of mat leave. However the pressure to perform was too great and too difficult for me to balance with family. I ended up in a lesser role in a third company to gain back the flexibility I needed with two DC. I'm a single parent and have realised flexibility is the most important thing - I need to be able to collect DC from school if they are ill, to take an hour out to watch an assembly without having to take a whole days leave, etc.

I'd recommend sucking it up at work for the first year and start planning for future with courses etc.

It's very difficult to see peers progress while you've stagnated. But remember you're doing fantastically well with the pressures you have with young DC and a partner who isn't able to be around all the is.

You also say in your post that there will be greater understanding at work in terms of flexability as you will have 2 children and a deployed husband. I would be surprised if any private sector jobs will give this any consideration at all. The assumption will be that you've got the home side sorted and it won't impact your ability to do your job. Not as many employers allow home working as you might think and none allow home working with children at home, whilst being looked after by you.

Is there a job or career you're very keen to pursue? If not, stick it out and don't underestimate the grind of regular office work.

Hi OP,
something that stands out from your posts to me is where you describe feeling jealous of your peers as they progress up the ladder, i can sympathise with this, circumstances meant I couldn't go back to my job after having DC1 and you know what , I found that quite difficult it was my dream job and i bloody loved it! But life carried on and I found myself loving being a SAHP, but every now and then seeing an old colleagues fb status etc would make me think what if i had gone back look at what I'm missing etc but I think you have to accept that right now you are on a different path, and it can still make you happy. What I'm trying to say is promotions etc they aren't the be all and end all, having a dynamic career shouldn't be what defines you, assessing your worth by your earnings is a dangerous path to go down, being happy should be what defines you.

I hope that little ramble in some way helps!

Agreed Hatties. I also need to follow this advice

I would stick it out too. For the £10k, for the last year of training and resettlement, and for the £6k a year training until then. Organise yourself lots of training, focus on the flexibility you currently have, and wait for the 12 years to be up and your DH to be redeployed.

I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old. When they are both at school I might start thinking about moving jobs. Right now, I'm in the public sector, I work a compressed week, and I have a huge amount of flexibility for childcare issues/sick leave/care of dependents etc. I currently have 27 days annual leave + 10 public holidays, and next year my allowance will be 30+10. It would be madness to leave right now for me, and I think you're in that boat too. Wait it out doing something established and 'easy' while the kids are so small!

This thread has really helped me re focus and realise I am pretty lucky. I guess I will just count my blessings that whilst in this stage of my career I am well paid.

The 10k wouldn't particularly sway me, nor would the pension, but if you don't yet know what you want to do and would miss out on the training package if you leave early, I'd be inclined to stay. Use the time to decide what your next steps are and train accordingly.

If nothing else, the flexibility of your current job is great for small children and your new one may not be. You may find that it's worth waiting until the dc are that little bit older as you may be able to explore options that simply wouldn't work while they're so young.

Frustrating though it is I think you need to stay. Life is easy just now - a flexible job with an understanding employer is worth its weight in gold when you have young children and little support. There is no way you can walk into another job earning similar money and retain that. You will be working longer hours (more like 8-6/7pm every day) with no flexibility, fewer holidays and probably an employer who really doesn't care or accommodate the fact you have small children and a husband who is away - not their problem!

Just to up your self esteem, remember although you may be treated like a Junior, so job satisfaction is low, there are plenty of managers in ftse 100 companies with teams of people who earn the same or less than you, on longer hours. A title and rank is really like a big fat red bow. It does not pay for your mortgage. It is basically a placebo.

I've RTFT and in your position, I think I'd stay put. Your position is a very good one. Excellent salary, support and very good working hours.

To have a full time job that finishes at 4 pm Monday to Thursday, and then at midday on Fridays, whilst earning £47K is such a good deal. I don't know anyone who works those kinds of hours. To have that time with their DC at the end of a normal working day, every day. To be able to leave, no questions asked, if you need to pick up unwell children, or take time off to look after them if they're not able to be in childcare, without any difficulty, is also incredibly rare.

It is incredibly difficult to negotiate a package like that, even when you've been with the same employer for some time.

I dont think I will be miserable at work but I dont think I will look forward to going to work everyday. - I would imagine that many, many people, men and women (parents) feel like you do. But this won't last forever, it is a means to an end when you need flexibility, financial certainty and extra support in your life.

I feel like I should caveat all my posts about flex etc. I do have flexibility now and good working hours etc. But just so you don't think this is what the navy is like for everyone; I have also done three deployments. 6-7 months each. Two were operational. Working till 10/11pm. Doing shifts in the middle of the night, weeekend duty , worked on ships etc . And for a lot of people this is the norm day to day. When a serving couple have children, one is always shore side, and one sea going. The shore side parent generally tends to get a low impact job to give the flexibility that i now enjoy. Just thought I would add this in case I was giving the wrong impression of the navy!