AIBU to put my notice in at the end of maternity leave?

[MGFM]

I want to provide as much info as possible so you lovely people can help me see the pit falls and problems with what I want to do. And to see if you would suck it up and stick it out.

I am in the Navy. I earn good money £47k but I haven't progressed out of my rank since training as I have had babies and taken some non career type positions which haven't done me any favours career wise but which I have thoroughly enjoyed. I dont regret not chasing promotion but I am stagnant now and it is very frustrating.

I am on my second maternity leave. I am taking a full year and will be returning to work in October of this year. I really want to leave the navy. The positions available to me on return to work wont be great. They will be mundane and actually quite boring. The situation is that if I do a full 12 years in the Navy I will get a £10k resettlement grant. Pension will be lump sum of £14k at 65 and pension of £4,600 at 65 and then a top up at 68 to £9,800.

If I put my notice in when i return to work - i have to work a years notice anyway - this is standard and will cover my return of service for mat leave. this would mean i would leave at 10 1/2 years done. I wouldnt be entitled to the £10k. Lump sum at 65 would be £14k, pension at 65 £4,600 and then top up to £8,000 when I am 68.

There is very little in it pension wise. The £10k is worth consideration.

Other issues - husband also in the Navy. Currently sea going. Will be deploying this year and then again within 18 months. I will be job hunting and trying to forge a second career (in god knows what) whilst he is away at sea. This is not ideal. If I wait until he is on dry land when I am due to leave 18 months later it will of course be a lot easier to focus on my career move.

Other points worthy of consideration - the Navy although no part time option, is very flexible. If the kids are sick or whatever it may be, then there is no problem with staying home with them. I can get a work laptop and work from home when needed. There will be a greater level of understanding of being full time working with two toddlers with a husband deployed.

But I really really hate my job and I want to leave! I cant stand the idea of staying in the navy till October 2020. Argh!! I dont know what to do.

Disclaimer: no benefits of any type will be claimed. DH earns £45k. I will not be a SAHM.

I just dont know what to do.

Is there any chance you want/plan to have more children? Another year off on Mat leave would help the time pass much quicker, although obviously only if you wanted another child

Honestly, I would stay. That 10k buys you time to find the right new job in. And I think you're going to find it really hard to earn a comparable salary outside, depending on experience obviously. The 10k could therefore also be useful for tuition fees if you need to retrain or do a degree or something. The employment situation isn't great still and you may find that the flexibility that comes with having slightly older children in 2020 is helpful too.

But equally if you really hate it and it would be doable for your family, leaving wouldn't be the end of the world. I just think taking the extra time would be worth it. Especially if it bought you more time to work out what you would do afterwards.

I know what you mean about being treated like the junior. I used to work for a large corporation and for various reasons stayed as an admin grade and worked part time after maternity leave. It suited me but I clearly had more to offer. Some bosses recognised this and utilised my skills, others treated me like the office junior.

I am on the fence re your situation. Part of me says hold out for the money, but as I wait for news that a dear friend has passed over, the other part of me says that life is far too short to be miserable.

There will be a greater level of understanding of being full time working with two toddlers with a husband deployed.

Money aside, this aspect is huge. Trying to establish in a new career, especially in anything requiring management is difficult enough. I would try to stick it out the extra year, get the additional training and move into a new career once the new family set up is settled and any grandparental support established (or not!).

Notasillysausage - hahaha no more children! I am struggling as it is just with my two!

I'm dreadful at understanding figures etc. If the sum you are talking about is a one off payment of £10k and not an annual amount on reaching pensionable age, then I think you have to balance just how much that money is worth your potential misery.

If the thought of 2.5 years of unremitting grimness is making your heart sink then while £10k is bloody wonderful, it's not life-changing and not worth being totally miserable for. Some things you just can't put a price on imo.

C8 - this is exactly what is stopping me. For example - was at work last year. DS at nursery. Got a call. He wasn't well. I put the phone down, packed up my stuff, said 'I have to go and pick up DS from nursery and left the office'. I absolutely know that isn't possible in most jobs.

I am very excited about leaving though. Wether it is in 2020 or earlier. I am excited about not knowing what I am going to do.

Perhaps you need to make a list of the pros and cons of leaving right now. For me, if I could leave after 12 months notice and go into a job that pays just as much or more then I would be happy to do so, there's nothing more soul destroying than staying in a job you don't enjoy (I'm currently doing so now but am due to go on maternity leave at the end of July).

What you need to research is what kind of job you'd be likely to go into after leaving and if there is going to be a significant pay cut, can you manage on it or would the extra £10k come in useful to cover at least the short term?

I was considering handing my notice in during the summer last year. After weighing things up and knowing I'd want to start a family soon, it was pointless going elsewhere as my company is actually one of the decent private sector companies that are very flexible with family leave and going part term when returning to work etc. I think that in itself is worth weighing up against any potential new employer as it can come in really handy, rather than working for a company that expects you to be in the office no excuses if you are stuck for childcare if one of the kids was poorly.

Maybe I should look at studying something in the mean time.

I would absolutely stick it out. Ex-h was in a similar position and I was furious with him for leaving early, before he got the qualification he'd worked for for years. Not just the money (although I wouldn't turn that down for my family, especially with two young dc) but the job security and, as you say, flexibility. Especially if you don't have anything in particular to go on to. Even if you have to make a calendar where you cross off the days and look forward to days off etc. At least you have a fixed end date in sight, it's not a 'do I stay in the Navy forever or get a job I like' situation, the end is within your reach.

I would use the next 2.5ish years to make yourself as re-employable as possible. Study or whatever. Make a plan. Make up a countdown calendar so you can mark it off.

You don't always realise what you gave until it's gone.
It may not be as easy to transfer to other things as you think.
The career stagnation as you describe exists elsewhere: I am very experienced and overqualified for my role but having children does make me a little less flexible and therefore not always suitable for promotion. It is a trade off often.

Yes, the childcare aspect is massive and really shouldn't be underestimated. Imagine a scenario where one gets d&v for a day and then can't go back to school for another 48 hours, and just as you're about to relax and get back to work the other comes down with it. There are so many little sicknesses about. My friend, with two children, has been in at work for something like 4 full days since Xmas because she was ill, then her youngest got it and now her eldest.

I'd stick it out, if you can possibly bear to. That pension difference at 68 doesn't seem much but by then it might just make the difference.

You can study at home meanwhile. The OU is absolutely brilliant, and there are many many other course providers out there. If you view it as prep time and make as much use of it, maybe that will sweeten the pill?

Hi op, I've just done something similar. There would have been a substantial return to work bonus if I had returned from ML and then worked my notice, but I couldn't face 9 months of it. I just want to be at home with the kids and I'll never get that time back. I've never physically had that money, so I don't feel like I've lost anything. Finacially I think it's probably a really stupid decision, but my heart feels so much lighter for having made it! Life is too short, work isn't everything but it's where you spend the majority of your time, it shouldn't make you miserable.

I think for the extra 18 months to get the 10k I would stay. Decide what you would like to do and then try to get the new career when hubby isn't deployed. Will make life easier. Will he get the same work from home flexibility when he is back! Would make starting a new job much easier. Could you start retraining of an evening?

It may sound a little 'something' but I don't fear not being able to find a job. The navy does a really good job of making people think they will never earn as much as a civvy etc but the reality is , everyone I know who has made the leap have all found very good jobs. I have a strong CV. What does concern me is not being able to give 110% to a new job because I have to pick the children up from nursery etc. Waiting until my husband can do tbe nursery run is probably better. He also only has one year more than me left but he will get a pension immediately

I wouldnt leave. Have a good think about it. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

I'm ex-Navy, my DP left the RAF last year and my ex-husband is still in the RN. I have lots of friends who have left and many more still serving.

I think you'd be crackers to leave so close to your 12 year point; it may seem like ages away but the last year flies by with resettlement leave, terminal leave etc. And the gratuity and pension even at the 12 year point are worth having.

Certainly leaving whilst your DH is deployed would be madness. You will NEVER get the same work/life balance and flexibility in civvy street that you get in the Forces. DP came out of the RAF and went straight into a well paid, fairly senior job but even at his level (he was a senior officer) he took a £10k a year pay cut and has half the leave he used to! He's had quite a shock to his system not having the flexibility to take odd days off here and there and we don't even have childcare issues.

Honestly, think very carefully before you put your notice in. The grass ain't always greener.

I really wanted to say life's too short, leave if you hate it BUT no job is going to be that flexible when you are new and they're expecting you to prove yourself. The grass is definitely not always greener! its usually the same old shit but in slightly harder circumstances. And when returning to work after 2 children - mundane and boring isnt the worst thing that could happen especially on that salary. It gives you time to study and work around the children. I don't think you've thought about how bad you could have it

I'm really surprised you'd be able to find a job outside of the navy that pays similar if you don't have transferable skills. You're not going to be doing multi level marketing are you!!!!!? 😜

These are all the reasons why I will end up staying in for the 12 years. I just feel sad thinking about it. I will have to leave at 12 years. There isn't any flex there. I haven't ticked the right boxes to extend to 18 years. I was offered it a few months ago but it would mean quite a big sacrifice for my family and one I am not prepared to make.

There are loads of transferable skills and ex mil officers are well regarded (according to some recruitment people I have spoken to) . I have done some interesting jobs in the navy that should come across quite well. I just had my children before i got established in my career. In the navy, if you are in my branch, realistically you should wait till you are more senior before babies but that would have meant waiting till I was late 30s. Wasn't prepared to do that either. Risky.

I probably would leave, it sounds like it is wearing you down and the £10K wouldn't make that much difference to you.

You do need a plan for after the Navy though and to start planning this now.

You say that there are loads of transferable skills but are there the jobs that will pay you what you want and give you the flexibility?

Don't forget we are heading into turbulent times economically. Honestly I think you would be mad to leave.