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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to put my notice in at the end of maternity leave?

88 replies

MGFM · 23/01/2017 14:49

I want to provide as much info as possible so you lovely people can help me see the pit falls and problems with what I want to do. And to see if you would suck it up and stick it out.

I am in the Navy. I earn good money £47k but I haven't progressed out of my rank since training as I have had babies and taken some non career type positions which haven't done me any favours career wise but which I have thoroughly enjoyed. I dont regret not chasing promotion but I am stagnant now and it is very frustrating.

I am on my second maternity leave. I am taking a full year and will be returning to work in October of this year. I really want to leave the navy. The positions available to me on return to work wont be great. They will be mundane and actually quite boring. The situation is that if I do a full 12 years in the Navy I will get a £10k resettlement grant. Pension will be lump sum of £14k at 65 and pension of £4,600 at 65 and then a top up at 68 to £9,800.

If I put my notice in when i return to work - i have to work a years notice anyway - this is standard and will cover my return of service for mat leave. this would mean i would leave at 10 1/2 years done. I wouldnt be entitled to the £10k. Lump sum at 65 would be £14k, pension at 65 £4,600 and then top up to £8,000 when I am 68.

There is very little in it pension wise. The £10k is worth consideration.

Other issues - husband also in the Navy. Currently sea going. Will be deploying this year and then again within 18 months. I will be job hunting and trying to forge a second career (in god knows what) whilst he is away at sea. This is not ideal. If I wait until he is on dry land when I am due to leave 18 months later it will of course be a lot easier to focus on my career move.

Other points worthy of consideration - the Navy although no part time option, is very flexible. If the kids are sick or whatever it may be, then there is no problem with staying home with them. I can get a work laptop and work from home when needed. There will be a greater level of understanding of being full time working with two toddlers with a husband deployed.

But I really really hate my job and I want to leave! I cant stand the idea of staying in the navy till October 2020. Argh!! I dont know what to do.

Disclaimer: no benefits of any type will be claimed. DH earns £45k. I will not be a SAHM.

I just dont know what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
MGFM · 23/01/2017 19:00

Olivia - well either way I have to leave in 2020. My commission ends so no choice there at all. I could do what some people do and come back for full time reserve service contracts. If I find it difficult to get a job.

OP posts:
BellyBean · 23/01/2017 19:35

So you either leave at 10.5 years or 12, but the last 12 months is lots of training? So you'd only have to do horrible job for 6 months until you could spend lots of time on training, and get 10k too?

And your DH would be around to ease you into a new job?

Bit of a no brainer to me.

Headofthehive55 · 23/01/2017 19:39

I don't think you know how easy / difficult it is to get a job you want until you actually try.
Depends often on the economy as much as your skills, your search area and luck.

Original poster
MGFM · 23/01/2017 19:41

I guess I probably needed this thread to make me see I am being unreasonable to leave before the 12 years. I am just eager to make a start on my second career. I should be thankful of the flex and salary I have now: DH just joined a ship and so will be shore side in 3 years which is perfect timing really

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 23/01/2017 20:00

Is it really worth waiting another 2.5-3 years in a job you hate for 10k?

C8H10N4O2 · 23/01/2017 20:13

I don't think you should see it as being unreasonable - more that things are not always straightforward and it can be helpful to get multiple and contrary points of view in weighing up the options.

There seem to be good reasons to stay put for the time being but you are the one who has to live the life - only you know if this is reasonable for another 18 months or if it would make you miserable.

Sidge · 23/01/2017 20:26

Primal it's not just 10K - its also flexibility, training opportunities, resettlement courses, LOTS of leave, pension entitlement.

Of course it can seem ages if you hate your job, but sometimes its a trade-off.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 23/01/2017 20:35

If you put your notice in would you still get to spend your last year doing courses etc to get you ready for post navy?

Because by my calcs:-

If you leave early:-

Oct 2017 - Oct 2018 - doing yucky job.

If you stay:-
Oct 2017 - Oct 2019 - doing yucky job
Oct 2019 - Oct 2020 - doing fun training

So only actually an extra year of doing yucky job? Or more? Or less?

Also - don't discount the difference in pension as "not much in it". £1800 a year from age 68 until you die can add up to rather a lot.

haveacupoftea · 23/01/2017 20:41

Do you hate your job or just hate work in general? I hate my job but no point planning to leave because unless someone wants to pay me to sit in bed and eat toast, or lie on a beach with a cocktail, i'm always going to be unhappy having to go to work!

Original poster
MGFM · 23/01/2017 20:43

I have spoken with my DH and he thinks I should stick it out as well. When i start my second career, whatever it may be, I want to be able to give it 100%. Once DH is back in an office job he will be finishing at 4pm so will be able to take over childcare issues. I think I will take the opportunity to maybe do some more courses and qualifications. I dont think I will be miserable at work but I dont think I will look forward to going to work everyday.

OP posts:
Craftylittlething · 23/01/2017 20:48

£10k is enough to set up on your own, I'd stick it out for that alone.
Returning to an "old" job with babies means employer is that bit more understanding and flexible than a new job. It may be mundane but that's different from being the "new girl at school" and making a good impression.

NotPennysBoat · 23/01/2017 20:50

Wait it out. I'm in a similar position in that I work in a job that bores me but is really flexible with childcare issues etc. As much as I am ready for a new challenge, having a job that doesn't require me to think and allows me some work-life balance is worth it's weight in gold whilst my DC are still little. 18 months is no time at all really, and think of something lovely you can spend the £10K on!

Chelazla · 23/01/2017 20:52

MGFM I am going to buck the trend- yes £10k is a huge amount but even just on dh wage you're still no where near the breadline. It's not the end of world not to have it so do what makes you happy. The forces are completely different to civvy jobs and 2.5-3 years is massive in the situation you're in. They are so full on! If you want to leave I'd leave! Be happy!

PrimalLass · 23/01/2017 21:06

Sidge I didn't really read all that. Everyone was saying hang in for the 10k.

Original poster
MGFM · 23/01/2017 21:28

To answer a few questions - I have available to me £6000 that I can spend on courses any time. I intend to use these for project management courses and some leadership bits. Then in my last 12 months I will be able to access the full resettlement package which also offers courses and funding and includes time off for training. I still have to do my day to day job. And to be honest sometimes the day to day job isn't too bad - it's the lack of progression. I am just stagnating. My friends and colleagues I joined up with are all being promoted and moving on- a lot have their notice in which I get jealous when I see on FB. They don't have children through - or a husband also in the navy so different circumstances.

OP posts:
Original poster
MGFM · 23/01/2017 21:31

The biggest thing holding me back is not knowing how I would juggle childcare in a new job. DH will probably redeploy in 2019 just as I would be leaving. Having read everyone's replies it probably would be stupid to leave whilst DH still on a ship.

OP posts:
Original poster
MGFM · 23/01/2017 21:32

And I would literally be up and out the door every day at 4pm and 12 pm on a Friday. Working day is 8-4. It's very good for having children if you are office based.

OP posts:
notasausage · 23/01/2017 21:38

I would wait for the £10k, make the most of your job and start to look at it from a CV point of view if you want to leave. Use the 18 months after this mat leave to learn and generate examples of transferrable skills. What is holding you back from promotion? Could you work up to this on your return to give you options? Would all but your current baby be school age - make it easier to look for different opportunities? Do some evening classes, distance learning to lead to a new career. Don't dismiss flexible family arrangements - they're hard to come by.

Original poster
MGFM · 23/01/2017 21:42

Children are currently 4months and 21 months. No chance of promotion. I am out of zone. My reports don't even go to the promotion board anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
MGFM · 23/01/2017 21:43

Promotion in the military is not just about performance - it's also about what jobs you do. In my branch - I would have had to skip the babies and spent the last 5 years on a ship to have been promoted .

OP posts:
mum2Bomg · 23/01/2017 22:05

You probably wouldn't get the flexibility or paid for training (or supported)...I'd stick it out.

Teacherontherun · 23/01/2017 22:11

I left my job whilst on mat leave. Had to pay back a shit load of mat pay but.... I have never been happier and we just figured it out! Do what you need to do!

littledinaco · 23/01/2017 22:12

I would use the time to really research what jobs are available for when you leave and what the salary/work culture/flexible working options/holidays/sick pay etc etc.
You can then focus the training to tie in with the type of job you want. You don't want to leave and then find out that the job you were hoping to do is just completely inflexible in terms of childcare and wish you would have done different training.

I think you need a long term goal of what you want to do as otherwise you risk ending up in a similar situation to the navy where you didn't pick the right job,etc and ended up staying the same rank/missing promotion opportunities.

Don't underestimate the ease of being able to easily leave work for your children. The stress of having to negotiate with a lot of employers when your kids are sick is awful, you often have to make up time or end up returning to work before they are properly better and then the guilt is horrible. Also, leaving at 4pm especially when they are little is a massive bonus.

Adsss · 23/01/2017 22:13

10k, if you are on 45k that is few months work. I would more than likely leave early not worth being miserable against that. You may not have the 10k in your pocket but just think what you could do in that time and how much closer you will be to your future career ultimate goals starting it so much earlier.

Lapinlapin · 23/01/2017 22:24

If the job was inflexible and you had childcare issues I could totally understand you leaving sooner.

But as that's not the case, I think I'd stay.

Looking at your figures, it isn't just the 10k, but the extra 1.8k every year in pension once you turn 68. That's potentially a lot of extra pension money.

I understand the frustration and it must be tough to know you're not getting the promotions, challenges and recognition you would be getting if you'd chosen a different path.

Still, for the sake of an extra couple of years, I say stick at it.