Really really struggle to enjoy baby groups

[NowwhatdoIdo123]

I've just got home after trying a new (new to me) baby and toddler group. I'm disappointed again. It was another clique group. About 8 mums, 6 of which stuck together like glue and from what I could hear basically talked about everyone who they jointly knew (ironically one of the women they were talking about they were discussing how she bakes cakes and according to them over charges and doesn't even bake them herself she outsources them, I actually know her! I sat there thinking, haven't you ever been told you should be careful who you talk about because you never know who might know who?!

I have a really friendly toddler so I will persevere and go again for her but every group I go to seems to have a really well established clique.

Anyone else find this?

Bit of a diversion from the original thread but I've been thinking about this and have a couple of genuine questions - can anyone advise?:

1. What's the best age to start taking them to things? DD is only 7 weeks so I'm wondering how much I'd be doing activities for her and how much they would be for me to get out?

1. How do you balance this when you're told to 'sleep when the baby sleeps' and you're constantly knackered? I can either sleep or take her to things - not both!

Mum - there's no need to take her anywhere unless you want to, she won't know the difference. You can start taking her out whenever you feel ready. That could be 6 months, a year, whatever.

Thanks, I'm just wondering when she will start getting something out of it. I also had an email the other day from Pampers which said I 'must have made lots of other mum friends by now' and people keep asking if 'I'm getting out and about'. I'm really enjoying our time at home and have lots of visitors.

It's early days! Just get used to your gorgeous new baby and relax when you can. She'll have just as much fun at home as at a group - groups are more about getting out of the house and giving you some company. Once she's crawling/walking you might be keener to go somewhere that she can throw things around to her heart's content!

I found most groups friendly enough with my first baby, but then during my second mat leave, when every mum I knew had already had no.2 and returned to work, I found people really didn't want to talk to someone who had done it all before and just couldn't produce the same amount of shock or awe at every new aspect of child development.

Also by dc2 my area had gone more upmarket and suddenly instead of lots of gobby mums taking advantage of HV-led groups and us all taking the mickey out of some of the really terrible presentations (a Bulgarian video about how to abuse children so you knew what not to do, with badly-translated English subtitles, for example), we had groups of very over-invested mothers who spent the entire time at a baby group interacting only with their child and refusing to speak to any other adult. Very odd and I stopped going! Chatted to local cafe staff and regulars instead.

Someone up thread said Jo Jingles. I loved it and so did DS, can highly recommend it

I found my early maternity leave very lonely. I moved to a new area while pregnant, never did NCT and found groups of NCT friends everywhere I went. All my friends were hundreds of miles away and my husband was working long hours. It's hard to join another group when nobody is interested in a chat with you. And quite frankly I went to a few groups a week so that I could talk to other adults! I did make some good friends eventually- people in a similar situation to me.

The nicest group I went to back in the day was church-run. Lots of lovely ladies dispensing tea and cake with no prayer stuff, just genuinely nice people with no agenda other than community outreach.

Not all groups are the same.

With my first - baby massage was horrible experience - then waited a bit then tried again. Found a lot of lovely groups - though took some time.

Moved area - had two children by then- found groups harder to find and very at times dispiriting. I think it was partly the area and possible having two children by then.

I did find sheer time going week in and out - focusing on my children did wear people down in the end. Though I did start to prefer the children centre of preschool groups were at least the staff would talk to me.

If you do click with others - tell them the other groups you go to - that worked for me more times you see people easier it is to get past the politeness.

I kept going as we had few toys at home - money tight, I was not seeing any adults during the day no family nearby and later on wanted the children who were on shy side to experience interacting with others.

i hate baby groups with a passion - ds is 14 months and i stick to nct friends and some fantastic people i met on instagram (yes, i know) and am now friends with in real life. I'm very sociable and outgoing and i still find 'organised fun' awkward and weird so it's not just a problem for shy people! i've worked really hard to remain in touch with non-parent friends so i don't feel like i'm depending on 'mum friends' if that makes sense?
it's not just you OP