AIB oversensitive...probably

[VelvetSpoon]

I'm going to a black tie do at the end of the week, it's work related and I've arranged most of it so it's quite a big deal (to me, anyway!)

I have something to wear which is nice, entirely suitable for the occasion but quite plain. I have another dress which is super glam - I tried it on yesterday and it's just slightly too small in that I can do the zip up, but it's just very tight below the bust (empire line) and I'm not sure if it would be uncomfortable if I wore it all night...

So I mentioned this to oh, how I'd like to wear it but it was quite tight (response that I shouldn't wear it as it looks terrible when people squeeze into things that are too small - which I do agree, albeit this is really only too tight in one area).

I said it was a shame, as if my waist - well not quite waist, more underbust area - was half an inch smaller it would fit fine, but I can't really lose that in 7 days. He replies I could, if I did an hour in the gym every day this week.

Which a) I don't think it would make a difference and b) I am so busy with work, and this event, and everything else, I really don't have time to go to the gym for an hour each night.

I get that he was probably solutionising, but it doesn't really help tbh.

For context I should add I'm currently trying to lose weight, by cutting out snacks, eating smaller meals etc. I have lost some weight recently, and was actually pleasantly surprised I could even get this dress done up.

Oh seems to think all my problems can be solved by going to the gym, but I have found the gym only helps with toning and not gaining weight rather than losing...

Sorry, bit of a rambling post! I'm being sensitive aren't I?

As to what he should have said...nothing? Or is it really too tight/ do you want to show me how it looks/ have you got an alternative? Or even just what a bugger, if only the event was end of next month it prob would have fitted fine...anything like that.*

I find this attitude really annoying.

You were javing a conversation and he didnt say what YOU wanted him to. He is a person in his own right. How is he supsosed to know what the correct responses are?

He didnt say anything offensive, he suggestef a solution. But you just dont like the suggestion.

Dont enter a converstation if you will offended if someone says something thats not on your list if 'correct'.

Who's said he can't express an opinion? The point is I hadn't asked him to tell me how to fit into the dress, he didn't need to tell me to go to the gym. A pp asked what he SHOULD have said, in my view, and that the response I would have expected to receive. He can say what he wants, but why tell me to go when a) 3 days of doing an hour in the gym won't change much anyway b) he knows how shattered I am this week and how much other stuff I have on at work, let alone at home and c) when I hadn't asked for advice anyway.

For, I wouldn't say he is exercise obsessed but he does think exercise is the key to losing weight - he attributes my weight gain to me stopping the gym, when in fact it's because I stopped a strict diet...

I think your DH is right. If I work out every day my clothes hang off me by end of week, regardless of what I eat.

But isn't empire line under the bust? So losing weight wouldn't change the fit much?

Op, conversations don't work in the manner of you saying something and the person is only allowed to respond within certain parameters. He told you how in his opinion how to solve the issue you were facing, either agree with him or say thanks and disagree. You're pissed off because he gave you a solution you didn't want to hear. There was nothing wrong with his solution, or him giving it to you, you're just hacked off because you wanted the dress to fit and don't want to do the gym this week.😞

He probably meant no harm but yes it is annoying. He wasn't really offering a solution he probably knew you're too busy to go to the gym every day so instead of saying something reassuring he basically said "well it's all your own fault."

You're also right that you're not going to get sufficiently toned or lose a significant amount of weight in a week (at least through healthy means) so it would be pointless to try.

I do think people constantly nagging you about diet or weight is very unhelpful.

Bluntness100 the problem wasn't that he offered a solution, even a fairly stupid solution in this case, it was the way his response comes across. Basically it's your own fault because you're not going about it the "right way" i.e. the way he suggests. Weight can be touchy and it doesn't kill anyone to try and be sensitive.