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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIB oversensitive...probably

81 replies

VelvetSpoon · 23/01/2017 09:27

I'm going to a black tie do at the end of the week, it's work related and I've arranged most of it so it's quite a big deal (to me, anyway!)

I have something to wear which is nice, entirely suitable for the occasion but quite plain. I have another dress which is super glam - I tried it on yesterday and it's just slightly too small in that I can do the zip up, but it's just very tight below the bust (empire line) and I'm not sure if it would be uncomfortable if I wore it all night...

So I mentioned this to oh, how I'd like to wear it but it was quite tight (response that I shouldn't wear it as it looks terrible when people squeeze into things that are too small - which I do agree, albeit this is really only too tight in one area).

I said it was a shame, as if my waist - well not quite waist, more underbust area - was half an inch smaller it would fit fine, but I can't really lose that in 7 days. He replies I could, if I did an hour in the gym every day this week.

Which a) I don't think it would make a difference and b) I am so busy with work, and this event, and everything else, I really don't have time to go to the gym for an hour each night.

I get that he was probably solutionising, but it doesn't really help tbh.

For context I should add I'm currently trying to lose weight, by cutting out snacks, eating smaller meals etc. I have lost some weight recently, and was actually pleasantly surprised I could even get this dress done up.

Oh seems to think all my problems can be solved by going to the gym, but I have found the gym only helps with toning and not gaining weight rather than losing...

Sorry, bit of a rambling post! I'm being sensitive aren't I?

OP posts:
Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 23/01/2017 10:55

He doesn't think I exercise enough. His view is that gym would make me lose weight, and cites the fact I was thinner when we met, and gymmed regularly - but I was also then on a strict diet!

Am going to try and go to gym tonight, have to go home first to feed teens and collect kit, will just have toast or something when I get back

OP posts:
7SunshineSeven7 · 23/01/2017 11:02

OP: This dress is tight, how can I get into it?
OP DH: You could diet and exercise (A practical and realistic solution).
OP: That's offensive, I'm hurt!

You said yourself, he's probably trying to find a solution but its not helpful - it actually is helpful. Its the only real way to lose weight/tone up.

What do you want us to say? He gave a realistic solution to your problem but you're upset and trying to make it sound like he just said it out of the blue; if you don't like to be told told go to the gym/diet which is the way you will solve your problem, then don't ask!

neonrainbow · 23/01/2017 11:07

Why all the drama? Just wear the bigger dress!

TeethDrama · 23/01/2017 11:08

You did say in your OP you gathered he was solutionising, but "it didn't really help."

What could he have said to help? (genuine question - not a snark question).

TeethDrama · 23/01/2017 11:10

neon I think OP's head says "wear the bigger dress" but her heart says "I want to wear the glam dress and be that glam person for the night. Turning heads in my glam dress" and, I totally get that.

Jaxhog · 23/01/2017 11:15

Could be a boost to your weight loss!

Low carbs and spanx. More effective short term than the gym.

Bluntness100 · 23/01/2017 11:53

If you really want to wear the dress, which I think you do, and all it needs is half an inch, then that's totally doable in a week. Don't starve yourself, just go low carb but also count calories, do the gym if you can and invest in some shapewear, you'd be surprised at how quickly you can shift half an inch if you want to.

I think all that's happened is your partner has hit a nerve. As for the gym helping, it does help. Of course diet is the critical part, I think up to 80 percent of weight loss is down to diet, but clearly that stat depends on just how much you do at the gym, but the gym helps tighten everything up and also burns calories.

Not for now, but I'd recommend doing weights, it's the fastest way to get lean and burn fat, it's really effective, and I find it much more effective than cardio, which is lengthy and boring for me personally,

Good luck. 💐

NavyandWhite · 23/01/2017 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sciurus83 · 23/01/2017 11:59

Get a new dress!

Slimmingsnake · 23/01/2017 12:01

Yep gym every day here....definitely helps toning up and shedding the lard

Slimmingsnake · 23/01/2017 12:03

As for the dress,get one thouse squeeze you in all over undergarments,don't know what it's called,but it's a dress that goes under a dress and holds you in...Debenhams would have one..probably cheaper than a new dress .

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 23/01/2017 12:08

Cut out all bread, potatoes, rice and root veg for a week. You will lose mainly water, but your stomach will likely be less bloated. I was losing a lb a day when I started a very low carb diet. That rate of weight loss didn't continue long term, but it's fairly normal to have rapid weight loss at the start. I don't think the gym would have enough of an impact in 7 days.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 23/01/2017 12:17

I'd get spandex underwear or one of those body wraps at the salon.

I've been training for the last 15 years and now train clients - one hour for the next seven days won't make any difference to you. Especially when doing cardio.

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 23/01/2017 12:29

I will wear the bigger dress if I am no smaller in the next 4 days. It's fine. Plain but fine. I did look for a dress earlier in the month but saw nothing I liked in my size and budget. And of course with less than a week to go, there's almost no time to get anything.

I am already eating a healthy lowish fat diet to pacify my gallstones. Am going to try and find time somehow to do an hour a day at gym for next 3 days, and may try the clingfilm too, as I have loads of the stuff and it might work.

Shapewear I don't think will help, as the bit I need to hold it is so high up (style of dress is such I can't wear a bra with it, the bust area is boned) I'm not sure shapewear would cover, but I'll give it a try as I have some similar to the pic upthread.

As to what he should have said...nothing? Or is it really too tight/ do you want to show me how it looks/ have you got an alternative? Or even just what a bugger, if only the event was end of next month it prob would have fitted fine...anything like that.

Because I was fed up it didn't quite fit, but I didnt actually ask him to tell me how to make it fit!

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 23/01/2017 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissSingerbrains · 23/01/2017 14:18

I realise everyone's different, but if I ran or swam for an hour a day for a week, and didn't eat crap, I'd lose half an inch, no problem. I'm not sure why some posters are so adamant that it can't be done Confused

Well done on fitting into your dress, OP - it's a great feeling! Star

Is there anything your OH can do to make your days easier and give you more time to exercise?

Jaxhog · 23/01/2017 14:56

Vaseline?

TheNaze73 · 23/01/2017 15:01

Totally can be done as Singerbrains has said.

I think he wasn't actively listening & said it to make the subject stop or as others have said, he was finding a solution to what you'd asked.

w12newmum · 23/01/2017 15:15

If he is normally a nice guy, like others have said he was probably just trying to help but I can see why gym and more dieting with only a few days to go wouldn't be an appealing solution especially while lots of work on. I would have also suggested getting something new so you feel your best for this special event. I'm sure the plain one accessorised will look great though. ASOS may be worth a look - I had a similar thing recently with my nice maternity dress getting a bit too snug for a special ball I was going to but I didn't want to buy another. Friends suggested ASOS sale and I
ordered a huge amount of cheap dresses with free next day delivery and found one I loved and felt much better on night. Only difficulty was hauling all the dresses back to the post office Blush. Have a great night

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 23/01/2017 17:59

I've looked online and honestly there wasn't anything in my size that I liked. I'd rather have a plain dress than one I don't like. The glam dress is lovely, but probably just too small. It's a shame though not least because last time I wore it, it was a bit too big Sad. But I did do up the zip, it's not all bad.

Oh is great normally, but does think the gym is the answer to everything, I don't. There's not much he can do to help tbh, everything I need to do is stuff I have to do and can't delegate story of my life!

OP posts:
AmserGwin · 23/01/2017 18:14

Actually if you excercised every day and stuck to a strict diet you probably could get into it in a week, I did this exact thing and it worked

Strongmummy · 23/01/2017 19:11

If you train hard every day, using weights, resistance work then yes you'd probably see a difference as you will tighten the muscle. Training properly using weights will also help you shift fat. However, why put yourself through the stress! Just wear the plainer one.

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 23/01/2017 23:56

I haven't got a week, I have 4 days (3 in fact as I'm travelling on the 4th day).

If it fits by Fri, that's great, if not I have a back up.

OP posts:
Originalfoogirl · 24/01/2017 14:44

Going to massively generalise here but in my experience, if you want a solution complain to a man, if you want sympathy, complain to a woman.

Men will try and fix things, especially if they see their partner is unhappy. Women are more likely to sympathise and bring cake.

Aware it is a total generalisation, especially as I'm the kind of woman who will try to fix things - and bring cake 😂

Topsy44 · 24/01/2017 15:07

My DH had an exercise obsession and was always wanting me to do more exercise. Not sure if your DH is like this but I do know that when someone keeps going on about exercise it does knock your self esteem and then you do become sensitive to comments like 'you need to go to the gym every day to get into the dress.'

On another note, I once wore a dress that was too tight for me at a party and it was a nightmare all night!