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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIB oversensitive...probably

81 replies

VelvetSpoon · 23/01/2017 09:27

I'm going to a black tie do at the end of the week, it's work related and I've arranged most of it so it's quite a big deal (to me, anyway!)

I have something to wear which is nice, entirely suitable for the occasion but quite plain. I have another dress which is super glam - I tried it on yesterday and it's just slightly too small in that I can do the zip up, but it's just very tight below the bust (empire line) and I'm not sure if it would be uncomfortable if I wore it all night...

So I mentioned this to oh, how I'd like to wear it but it was quite tight (response that I shouldn't wear it as it looks terrible when people squeeze into things that are too small - which I do agree, albeit this is really only too tight in one area).

I said it was a shame, as if my waist - well not quite waist, more underbust area - was half an inch smaller it would fit fine, but I can't really lose that in 7 days. He replies I could, if I did an hour in the gym every day this week.

Which a) I don't think it would make a difference and b) I am so busy with work, and this event, and everything else, I really don't have time to go to the gym for an hour each night.

I get that he was probably solutionising, but it doesn't really help tbh.

For context I should add I'm currently trying to lose weight, by cutting out snacks, eating smaller meals etc. I have lost some weight recently, and was actually pleasantly surprised I could even get this dress done up.

Oh seems to think all my problems can be solved by going to the gym, but I have found the gym only helps with toning and not gaining weight rather than losing...

Sorry, bit of a rambling post! I'm being sensitive aren't I?

OP posts:

DeathStare · 23/01/2017 09:59

You can get them from a salon. Takes about an hour or so and usually costs £50 - £70. The results really don't last but they do temporarily make you lose inches. If you get one the day before or the day before that then you should easily get into the dress

bunnylove99 · 23/01/2017 10:00

Ha. Cross posting. Matilda your solution sounds much more fun - go with that OP

Hamsolo · 23/01/2017 10:00

I'd second cutting out carbs for a week. You'd mainly lose water weight but you might be able to do the zip up!

OneWithTheForce · 23/01/2017 10:01

You can do the wraps at home with lots of cling film and vitamin e oil.

CharlieDimmocksbosoms · 23/01/2017 10:03

Would this help?

reuset · 23/01/2017 10:04

I think it's silly and futile to try to do this in seven days. Wear something else

reuset · 23/01/2017 10:05

What on earth is that, Charlie?

OneWithTheForce · 23/01/2017 10:08

I have that Charlie. Make sure it goes up far enough that when your bra is on it sits on top of it. It keeps it in place and means you don't get the fat bulging over the top.

MissHemsworth · 23/01/2017 10:09

I would be upset by that comment. You stated a fact, the dress is marginally too tight. He offered up an ineffective & impossible solution. Do you also feel like he might have been implying you don't exercise enough?

Out of interest how much weight would you need to loose for it to be comfy? One idea would be to seriously restrict calories (think 800) a day, drink lots of water & exercise when you can! Sounds like hell through so really depends on how much you want to wear the dress!

OneWithTheForce · 23/01/2017 10:09

I mean make sure the bra sits on top of the Spanx.

BadKnee · 23/01/2017 10:09

I also feel a bit sorry for the guy. You raised the subject and pushed for a comment. He gave you a suggestion. Fair enough you feel you wouldn't be able to do that. Reasonable response would have been - "You might be right but probably too much for me now - I think I'll just buy a new dress or wear the other one, thanks"

You have also had several other suggestions - some of which might work.

Either accept that it's a bit too much effort for the frame of mind you are in and how busy you are so decide that you can't wear it or decide to give it a go - and see! You might be surprised.

And DH did nothing wrong.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 23/01/2017 10:12

I had a similar problem after bought a longline bra to smooth out that area. Seemed to work.

Like this
www.brastop.com/freya-fancies-padded-longline-bra-black?gclid=CjwKEAiA8JbEBRCz2szzhqrx7H8SJAC6FjXXXZc6USk_bxHeD91kSGt8vi6AD74z0a3sX6nEQZUv4hoCRn7w_wcB

CharlieDimmocksbosoms · 23/01/2017 10:12

reuset high Spanx. Very Bridget Jones

Scattymere · 23/01/2017 10:13

Weight is a very sensitive issue. But he gave a very male response, straightforward and practical, offering a solution even though you weren't asking for one! Its the times in my life when I've had a remark about my weight/appearance and got so internally upset but it that its kicked me into action and I've got into shape again, see it as a good thing.

BadKnee · 23/01/2017 10:13

PS one of my clients works in this area of health and beauty and regularly gets celebrities into dresses in a week. (Diet, toning, wraps, etc).

(I'd just buy a new dress myself - but then I am lazy!)

SootSprite · 23/01/2017 10:14

OP it sounds like he was giving you a solution, as blokes tend to do, I highly doubt he meant for you to get upset. You won't really shift much in a week by going to the gym but a full body shapewear item will smooth it right out for you. HTH.

Miserylovescompany2 · 23/01/2017 10:16

I'd probably try the dress with a control slip underneath, something like this maybe from Next?

user1485102013 · 23/01/2017 10:20

I think you're proud of yourself for losing weight and fitting into the dress in the first place (and rightly so) and was maybe expecting your oh to compliment you and say you'd look good even if it was a bit tight.

I think pps are right in that he was just trying to offer a solution but I would have reacted in the same way as you as well.

Helloitsme87 · 23/01/2017 10:21

You're saddened by a situation, your oh is offering a solution.
Go to the gym and see what happens?! You may well fit into the dress!

shovetheholly · 23/01/2017 10:26

I agree, I don't think it's a helpful response from your DH. I'm sure it was well-intentioned, but to someone already sensitive about their weight, it comes over as "You're just not trying hard enough". When you really are up to your ears, it may not be possible to throw yourself completely into some diet and exercise regime. And, to be completely honest, it's probably not worth the pain. Better to stay focused on the amazing gains you're already achieving with a longer term plan.

Focus on the long term. Plan a date where you will comfortably fit into the nice dress and work on that. And wear something else to your do! Life is too short to spend the entire evening trying to breathe shallowly in case you bust a seam.

handslikecowstits · 23/01/2017 10:30

YY to many men solutionising. I have one of those who is very well meaning but sometimes a little blunt.

Apologies if this has already been answered but, why not just buy another dress? Is there a finance issue here?

CountUpTo3 · 23/01/2017 10:36

Honestly, wear the nice-but-plain dress with some lovely accessories, make sure your hair and make-up are impeccable, have a good time and enjoy the results of all your planning. I'm sure you'll look great, and you won't have to worry about the zip busting/seams splitting.

'Solutionising' is a great word - I think you hit the nail on the head regarding your OH's response. Well done on the fitness regime - the gym isn't the answer to all things, and it sounds like you're making sensible long-term decisions. You're still moving towards your health/fitness goals and will be able to wear your super-glam dress in comfort before too long.

TeethDrama · 23/01/2017 10:42

I don't think an hour in the gym is going to make the dress fit better in a week. To drop to get in a dress in a week or two it's going to be more about diet.

If you did the fasting diet and ate clean for the other days you could probably make a big difference, but that requires some serious dedication, even for a week it's hard to keep it up.

I would look at ways in which you could accessories the plain one. Amazing shoes and bag, something really current and on trend, Lulu Guinness or something like Ted Baker) if you can afford it - I call them the "can't argue with that one" (!) bags and shoes meaning no matter how uncertain you feel about your figure or dress, a knockout amazing bag & shoes sort of shuts people up (I know, I've been there).

& get the right jewellery (chokers are super glam and surprisingly flattering on most people, you can get diamanté ones which look amazing and set off a plain gown, for example - they don't all have to be black velvet ones).

As for your DH... I think he was probably trying to offer a practical solution. I have learned not to involve my DH in my diet and weight issues as he just hardly ever says the right thing and also it draws his attention to it, so he then comments out of turn which is really irritating! You just do what you do quietly with regard to your diet and weightless efforts, and make the best of the other bits (hair and accessories) in the meantime, if you look amazing with those he really won't notice whether you lost half an inch around your ribcage!

LionWings · 23/01/2017 10:42

I had this and managed to find a shape wear that helped. If you have the time take the dress and try them on, some are better at pulling in than others. The one I had was up to the bra and then had straps to make sure it stayed there. Fantastic apart from when I had to go to the toilet

EssexGurl · 23/01/2017 10:48

This is just your OH doing the bloke thing of trying to solve your problem. He genuinely thinks he is helping - if he is anything like my DH. He drives me mad trying to fix my moans - when actually I don't need a solution, just someone to listen and empathise.

Even if you did manage to lose the weight, you would probably be self conscious in the dress and worried if others felt it was too tight. If it didn't fit your friend, maybe there's a sizing issue with the dress?

Wear the first option and enjoy yourself?

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