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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask someone not to walk down a footpath at night ?

483 replies

Nearlyoldenoughtowearpurple · 21/01/2017 23:50

We live in the country, at the end of a private lane. This is also a footpath.
For the last few months our dogs have been barking madly about 11o clock at night. We put it down to foxes but I find it really unnerving, especially if dh is away.
One night, just before Xmas, the barking was worse and it sounded like the dogs had got out. It was about 11.30. Dh went downstairs and opened the front door to see if he could see our dog but there was a guy standing on the doorstep. He said that he had come to apologise because he had been walking his dog in the lane and it had got through the fence into our sheep field and he thought it might have chased the sheep . ( sheep all fine in case worried).
He gave dh his card and said that he walks his dog at night as its not good with other dog. From his business card I think he is a bit of a techy up late at night gamer type anyway, who probably doesn't find it weird to be walking at that time.
Since then we have realised that it's his walking down the lane that upsets the dogs as they bark, shut up and then bark again in the amount of time it would take to go past the house to the end of the lane and then back again.
I have his email address, do you think it ok to send him a polite message, just explaining how much this freaks me out and ask him to not walk past the house after a certain time, pretty please ? There is a big field , with a footpath in it, just before the start of our drive so it's not like he couldn't walk anywhere, just not the ten minute walk up the lane past the house and back. Obviously I appreciate I can't stop him, just point out its a bit antisocial?
Am I being precious ? It just really scares me ( and dd)

OP posts:
Ivanaflump · 23/01/2017 17:44

The man doesn't sound odd at all, I walk my dog late at night, its weird to ask a stranger to not walk somewhere in public.

Lallypop · 23/01/2017 17:48

Totally unreasonable. Although I completely get where you're coming from

ahhhhhwoof · 23/01/2017 17:51

YABU. I actually think it would be insane to ask and I would be really defensive if someone asked me to do the same! I also live at the end of a private path and get a bit jumpy when the security lights go on laye at night but I can't exactly stop people/animals from walking past

Blinkyblink · 23/01/2017 17:52

Woman up.

user838383 · 23/01/2017 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklyglitter · 23/01/2017 17:57

You mention it's a "private lane" just belonging to your house or does this man share the ownership? If he doesn't own it presumably he shouldn't be on it at all? If he does part-own then I would do what a previous person suggested and email and ask if it's him walking by so late and that the dogs bark and wake you and your child up and it scares you both. Xx

SirChenjin · 23/01/2017 18:03

It was explained upthread somewhere - it's a public right of way iirc and the man (if indeed it's the man causing the dogs to bark, the OP hasn't established that for certain) has every right to be on it.

reuset · 23/01/2017 18:04

I think you'd be barking mad to email and ask him. Very inappropriate.

joolsy67 · 23/01/2017 18:13

I live in a town , I wouldn't usually wake up during the night but do when my dog hears stuff, foxes, cats or anyone breathing in the near vicinity 😉 its one of the negatives of having a dog. On the other hand he gives me reassurance. You can't stop folk living their life at their pace. Sorry 😞

mycatwantstokillme1 · 23/01/2017 18:20

I don't think you should email him because he does have every right to walk past whatever time of day or night. I understand you jumping out of your skin when the dogs bark late at night, & only having cats I don't know how you'd train them not to (or would you want to? if one of the reason you want them is for security you need them to do it!) I think in time you'll get used to the noise of him walking past and it won't be such a fright. Good luck!

38cody · 23/01/2017 18:26

How can you be scared when
You know what it is?
I personally would tell you to f-off if you asked me not to walk on a public footpath because it bothers you and your dogs. In fact I'd probably walk past in clogs. But then I live in London and am not so precious used to a bit of noise.

MariscallRoad · 23/01/2017 18:26

I have not read the entire thread. I cannot judge people. I ve lived with dogs at home since I remember myself. I adore them and miss them but now we own a London flat and we are not allowed to keep them.

There is nothing wrong with someone walking at any time he likes on a public path near his own property and wanting to enjoy his walk. This is his right. May be he is a romantic type. He was polite to give you his contact and he is open. So…

I would invite him for a tea so the dogs get used to see him. Dogs are clever animals and know who is a friend of the family if they are shown. They will probably stop barking.

Is he attractive and educated? You and husband might make friends with him. You don't know when the man can be of help to you.

Helenefischer · 23/01/2017 18:26

Being a public footpath it is not against the law for him to walk his dog. You could email him and just say it is waking you up and see if he goes earlier for his walk, he most likely does not realise the affect it is having on your dogs, obviously you can see why he cannot walk his dog in the daytime if that is the affect it has on other dogs. Shame really but no harm in addressing the situation maybe suggest and alternative route for him

Cubtrouble · 23/01/2017 18:42

If the dog is off the lead and worrying sheep you I believe have the right to shoot the dog.

However it seems like this poor sucker got unlucky and his dog likely slipped the lead or escaped him.

You are insane if you think it's acceptable to email him and tell him not to walk there. As literally everyone has said if it's a public right of way he is allowed to be there. Your barking dogs are your problem. As is the big bad bogey man. Seriously.

OverTheGardenGate · 23/01/2017 18:46

why would he be more likely to sprain his ankle on a footpath in a field as opposed to on a footpath outside OP's house?

Footpaths across fields aren't always level and are difficult to negotiate in the dark. Potholes and ridges and puddles. I have the tubigrip and Naproxen to prove it. I will stick to the tarmac footpath in future, even though it's a longer walk. Fortunately I was walking towards the pub and not away from it - or I would have garnered a great deal less sympathy.

HappyFlappy · 23/01/2017 18:48

The OP isn't thinking of 'stopping' the guy or of 'policing' the footpath she was just thinking of politely asking him if he could alter his walk.

What Politix said.

Actually OP, I did something similar a few years ago.

There was a man who used to walk his german shepherd past our house to take it to the local park. At the time we had six terriers and the little buggers would go bananas trying to throw themselves through the double-glazing.

I asked him very nicely if he would go another way. Said something like - "I know I'm being very cheeky, but would it be possible for you to walk up X Road (next one parallel to our street) because etc" He was lovely about it and changed his route. We always spoke a few (pleasant) words if we met after that. My dogs didn't bother about his when they were out - only when it had the unmitigated gall to walk past their window.

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 23/01/2017 18:48

The OP has simply asked if you think she would be being unreasonable to ask this.

That means she's not sure. I can't think for the life of me why some people have to go for her neck and bring her down bleeding.

Why not just answer the question kindly, as the vast majority of us would do if face to face.

Fwiw OP, I think it would be unreasonable but I can see how annoying it is. I think it would be unfair to ask him to change his routine though and as it's your dog and your house by the footpath, I think you really just have to accept it as one of those things.

See Mumsnetters - there is a way to talk to people kindly, giving your opinion (which could be wrong anyway) in a respectful manner.

HappyFlappy · 23/01/2017 18:49

I should perhaps add that now we have spaniels, who would actually hold the torch for anyone trying to break in and
don't bother about other dogs at all, he has resumed his walk down our street.

user1484317265 · 23/01/2017 19:04

The OP isn't thinking of 'stopping' the guy or of 'policing' the footpath she was just thinking of politely asking him if he could alter his walk

Asking him to stop walking there IS stopping him, and thinking she can trya nd control who walks where IS policing the footpath.

TheOriginalChatelaine · 23/01/2017 19:05

I suggest you and your husband get to know this man socially first, with the aim of creating a mutual and local bond with others, before you bring the subject up. Bring the subject up in company. He will then be totally disarmed. Softly, Softly catchy monkey........What ever you do, don't confront.

Patchouli666 · 23/01/2017 19:12

Country dweller here. No neighbours for nearly a mile. And the ones with three dogs ( ironically with a footpath going straight past their house) who live at least a mile away.... We can hear their dogs. The big one, the little yappy one and the old cocker. So a quarter of a mile is nothing.
And footpaths have existed for a lot longer than the twenty years you've live there. You knew there was a footpath when you bought / moved to the property there are laws allowing passage. Do you own the land on which the footpath is? If so, you can find out exactly the route and ascertain from your councils footpaths and planning dept how wide your footpath needs to be. You can put up a fence / hedge / wall etc which will have two benefits, firstly, more screened from your house so dogs don't notice as much and also cuts off direct access to your house so reduces threat of chance burglaries and intruders and secondly, it will make the walk less appealing if there is a high barrier and it might divert walkers to the field away from your house.

Patchouli666 · 23/01/2017 19:14

And the dogs we hear are obviously very clear when outside but ge ally they are indoors and we still hear them. Two hours one summer Eve when we had a BBQ outside was bloody annoying. ( owners were out at kids private school summer ball)

OverTheGardenGate · 23/01/2017 19:30

You can, actually, hear dogs barking from over a quarter of a mile away, especially when there are no buildings in the way. It echoes down the chimney as well, making it louder indoors than out!!!

Notmuchtosay1 · 23/01/2017 19:32

We have a footpath running quite close to our house too. I would never expect someone to not use it if I asked. Our dogs love barking during the day if someone walks up it (we don't have neighbours to bother) but late at night the dogs are indoors asleep. Shouldn't yours be inside at that time of night?

SirChenjin · 23/01/2017 19:39

The dogs are inside at night - the OP has confirmed this

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