To not want to get married like this?

[thetwocultures]

DP and my parents don't speak. There's a lot of reasons for it but I just absolutely hate it! It's making me sad and angry just thinking about it.
I'm a very family orientated person and to me it has always been a priority in my life so this is a HUGE deal for me.
Here's the thing, I don't have many ambitions or dreams I always just wanted to be settled and have a happy family so this situation is like my worst nightmare. I'm not a super girly girl but the one thing I have always dreamt of in my life was a beautiful wedding with everyone important there to share the day with me and the right person.
Now we are engaged and have been since before the fall out and we were talking about the situation today and how we see it, DP said him and my parents are two seperate things and at our wedding obviously he will be there and they will be there and they'll say hi and that's it. In the heat of the moment and all the emotions buzzing about I said if that's how it'll be I don't want to get married like that and now we are not speaking...

I wanted my wedding to be a happy occasion for everyone not me being upset at how the most important people in my life aren't speaking to each other or how upsetting it will be whenever my parents come up to me or I to them and DP will just walk off or whatever.

AIBU to feel like this?

I think the top and bottom of it is - I won't take sides.

I'm upset about the situation and will most likely have to accept it since I am not leaving my DP over this.

Before anyone starts jumping on the "you should be loyal to XYZ" I won't have any of it.
Neither my parents or DP want me to take sides.
If I take sides I think I will loose family.

The situation is so complicated that I can see why it seems I get defensive but honestly it's like nothing I've ever come accros in my life and everyone we speak to says the same.

Then accept the situation and move in, but if I was your DP I imagine I'd be moving along to something different, you aren't supporting him which puts him in an untenable situation.

You're not BU to be saddened by the fall out, but fuck them. Don't let arsehole family that you many never find a satisfactory means of reconciliation with dictate every other area of your life.

It's their loss more than yours, if you marry without them if you're marrying the right man. Don't let people who are being unreasonable dictate your happiness.

But if you find DHTB stubborn, fuck the lot of them and find a happy, satisfied life without any of them.

Before anyone starts jumping on the "you should be loyal to XYZ" I won't have any of it. Neither my parents or DP want me to take sides. If I take sides I think I will loose family.

You sound as if you're taking the moral high ground, OP, but in fact you sound more as if you are deliberately keeping yourself ignorant of the details so that you can maintain an official neutrality because you are afraid of losing your parents. As a pp said, it sounds as if you actually suspect deep down that your parents were primarily to blame, but you resist facing up to the consequences of this in order to protect yourself.

Either way, I think you need to face up to the fact that, if you continue to sit on the fence, the best case scenario is either no family functions, or slightly strained ones where your DP doesn't acknowledge your parents beyond a nod.

Sounds to me like youstarted this thread to sound off in anonymity and didn't expect any solutions to be offered.

I can understand that.

Only time will teach you to be more accepting of this difficult situation which you are not able to control or fix. That's not to say that you will ever stop feeling extremely sad about it and come on NN to vent your feelings.

Sorry not come back to this thread since last month...
To the posters that said I choose to ignore finding out what happened etc - I've had many conversations about it with all of them (separate and together) but none of them seem to agree with each other even on simple occurrences, their views are completely different. And there's no way for me to time travel and see what happened for myself so I find myself stuck with 2 different versions of events. How do I know who's right?

Had a though time over the last few weeks and decided to get some counselling, going next week...feel kind of ashamed that I need help but I find myself happy on some days (when I block everything out) and then reality hits home and I get extremely upset or just down on others. Keep thinking about all the moments we'll miss out on over the years and just cry.