to go to confession if I'm not a Catholic?

[SheldonHickey]

I'm not religious. But I really want to talk to someone about some issues I'm having with (probably out of proportion) guilt. I can't afford therapy, which I suspect would be my best bet. Am I allowed to go and talk to a priest?

Thanks, Rogue. I have to say, I've been a bit surprised by the strong responses here (not offended, I hasten to add - happy to take it onboard). I think I had quite a different idea of how discursive and thoughtful the experience of confession might be. I actually think maybe it's philosophy rather than therapy that might be what I'm drawn to, and religion - particulary Catholicism (or so I thought) - seemed to have a lot to say in this area.

What a very strange "wind up" this would be, if that's what it was!

But if you're drawn to Catholicism, why not find out more about it anyway? You could speak to a priest.

idk if i'd confess my sins on mumsnet though sheldon, some people are totally unforgiving if you've been an OW etc or made any morally shabby decisions! But the philosophy etc section is great for abstract debates.

Rockpebble

Op, really, the confessional really is not a 2 way dialogue. If you are seeking an understanding, sympathetic ear and a bit of support, the confessional booth is not where you will find it.

You may not mean confession OP - which is formal and has certain penance attached. You could always just pop in and speak to a vicar or a priest. If they have time I'm sure they'd be happy to speak to you (and maybe try and convert you). It's really what they're there for, to offer guidance

Why not cut out the middle man?

Find a quiet spot - a corner of an empty church, maybe, or a hilltop, or wherever feels peaceful to you.

Take a list of all the things you're struggling with, and read it out to God. Talk to Him about all of the things, and sit with some silence and see how you feel.

You don't have to go through a priest to seek God's forgiveness - Jesus wants a personal relationship with each and every one of us. Just talk to him, and give a bit of space for him to reply.

Jangle, yes, that was why I used inverted commas. There is als a more colloquial meaning of the word. One person confesses, in the religious sense,I get that. However people can still seek counsel.

Jangle, yes, that was why I used inverted commas. There is als a more colloquial meaning of the word. One person confesses, in the religious sense,I get that. However people can still seek counsel.

Yes you can always go and talk to a priest.
Confession (reconciliation) is a sacrament. If you ask for that, they will gently explain that this can only happen after you are baptised, and then you can have the instruction to make you fit to "make your first confession", which will be part of a process heading towards communion, confirmation, and full active belief / life as a Catholic.

HOWEVER don't let this put you off talking to a priest. Their vocation is to serve their community. A kind and intelligent priest can be an excellent person to talk to. Unkind and unintelligent ones will be recognisable when you approach them.

Just be honest. Approach a priest - by email, phone or in person - associated with one of your local churches, any denomination. Say something like "I am not exactly a practising Christian, but there are things bothering me that I would really like to talk to someone about." Decide what to do next according to the response - this may not be the person for you.

This is exactly what priests are for, by the way. this is part of their ministry.

Ignore the people on this thread who are discouraging you.

How would you feel about going to an open but empty church and praying and seeing what happens?

You don't have to believe in God. You can think of it as a thought of thought experiment where you imagine that you are talking to a loving, forgiving God who nonetheless cares about justice. You could sit or kneel, and think of what it is you want to confess, and tell the (possibly imaginary) God about it. And then, once you've done it, wait quietly and attentively and see if you feel any different. It might do nothing, and it might make you feel worse. But it might help.

Or you could try the Samaritains.

You could 'confess' on here. Make sure you name change and your password is secure etc sand it is pretty anonymous.

Just don't confess in AIBU or Relationships!

Seriously though, OP. We sin all the time, big ones, little ones, it's not up to us to judge the 'hierarchy'. Only God can, and has, absolved that sin (not the priest, I believe) through the death of Jesus. If you want to feel permanently guilt-free, you need follow Acts 3 - acknowledge your sin and feel sorry about it ('cut to the heart'), repent of your sin (change), and be baptised for the forgiveness of your sin. Start reading the Bible, probably start in the New Testament. I'd do Matthew, John, Acts as starters. HTH

Samaritans is a good idea. They'll listen but there won't be any chance of condemnation from them.

If you are looking to be forgiven by a higher power, could you go along to a church service and quietly join in the prayers (they usually include asking for forgiveness) or ask someone to pray for you after the service? (If you didn't like the people or atmosphere, you could always leave any time). Or maybe have a look at both religious and secular books on the subject of forgiveness? Or meditation where you let go of thoughts which aren't helpful to you?

I'd be wary of going to talk to a random man who isn't going to guide you in any way and isn't a therapist. I'm not convinced you'd feel any better, in fact you might come out feeling worse as you would have no feedback or resolution to what you'd said. The exception would be if you felt the absolution was exactly what you need, but I'm not convinced that's what you're saying.

Good luck and I hope you find the peace of mind you're looking for. No-one is perfect, we all fail to get it right at times.

Hey OP - I used to attend a united reformed church as a child. It was run by a lovely lady minister (young, married with 2 young kids at the time) and a group of the church "elders" who help out and keep an eye on people. I'm sure if you googled your local URC and contact the minister or an elder they would be pleased to meet with you either at your home or the church to discuss you, your life, decisions and how God and the church can fit in. It's a very different type of thing to Catholicism but can be very welcome. Clearly it'll be on a religious basis but I think you sound open minded to it all. Just a thought.

By "keep an eye on" I mean look out for people who are struggling or whatever rather than being the Stasi!!!

Also, I have a question: would a Catholic God forgive me even if I am not a Catholic? Or do I have to believe in Catholicism to get forgiven at all?

God is just God, there is no catholic god. I don't think confessional is what you're looking for. If you want God to forgive you why not just pray for forgiveness yourself? What can a man in a confessional box give you that you can't ask from God yourself?

I think you would probably be better off talking to a C of E vicar. Possibly by phone if not face to face.

It's quite complicated, but in a nutshell the Catholics do believe that forgiveness comes via their Church and that to be fully forgiven by God you need to take part fully in their rites and practices.

The C of E position is more that you can privately tell God your confession through prayer and be forgiven.

It really does depend on the priest in Catholic Churches too. I have a very nice Priest who I am almost certain would talk to you and help you. But I'm aware of some who would rain hellfire on your ass and make you feel much worse.

If you're looking for forgiveness C of E is probably the way to go and much less judgemental in general.

But if you have committed a serious criminal act neither is obliged to keep it secret.

I think you would probably be better off talking to a C of E vicar. Possibly by phone if not face to face.

^this - or Church of Scotland minister if you're in Scotland. My minister is always happy to talk to anyone and sets aside an evening a week for people to pop in to see him (or he can go to you if you can't make it out).

In theory God forgives everyone, and as someone else said, I think all Christians believe in the one God.

OP it's bothering me that you've come to ask a genuine question and the troll hunters "hilarious post!" are out, happily their numbers are few today.

Anyway hope you're ok.. if I could figure how how people put a bunch of flowers on their post I would.

Hollie

Just type the word flowers inside square brackets.

Just get in touch with a priest/minister locally and ask if you can talk to him/her. If you aren't religious you don't need absolution from a God you don't believe in, do you?
Doesn't have to be RC, CofE or other churches are available to help people in crisis. If you prefer a phone conversation then Samaritans, but from what I know of Samaritans they won't give advice. If you feel you need advice and ongoing support a priest would be better, and they tend to have access to various forms of help. But sacramental confession is not what you want.
Good luck

You could contact the BACP (professional body for counsellors) to see if they know of volunteer counsellors or student counsellors who do not charge while they are training under the BACP. Also, many branches of MIND offer free or low cost counselling with BACP accredited counsellors. When it comes to guilt and shame then Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy is very helpful (this therapy is largely based on the stoic philosophers, e.g. Epictetus). As for the Church (or any church), it seems to me that it all depends on the individual you speak to. Where I live we have a Vicar who is very high church (smells and bells) and not terribly down to earth, and a Catholic priest who is absolutely down to earth and approachable (a lot of people assume it would be the other way round). If you're not religious how is discussing guilt in a religious context going to help? (Sorry if Ive missed anything and you've already explained this!). BTW, not sure where you're based but there used to be (and I am sure there still are) some excellent instruction classes in the Catholic faith at Westminster Cathedral (if you want to know more about it generally).

OP, you don't have to be Catholic to go talk to a priest, and you don't have to call it Confession. Despite what some other posters have said, in some of the RC churches I have attended, notably Westminster Cathedral here in London, Confession is indeed very interactive, especially if you do it outside the usual times: I mean, it can be face-to-face and involve plenty of counselling. You need not restrict yourself to Catholics, though. C of E priests will also make time for you. It's what they want to be doing; naturally there are some grumps out there as everywhere, but in my experience, priests and rabbis are usually very interested in helping people who are sad.

"You are just trolling now" from Niskaya was a bit strong