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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to go to confession if I'm not a Catholic?

78 replies

SheldonHickey · 20/01/2017 12:44

I'm not religious. But I really want to talk to someone about some issues I'm having with (probably out of proportion) guilt. I can't afford therapy, which I suspect would be my best bet. Am I allowed to go and talk to a priest?

OP posts:

HallowedMimic · 20/01/2017 14:07

But confession is only for acknowledging God's forgiveness of you.

If you don't hold a Catholic faith, it will be meaningless.

Original poster

SheldonHickey · 20/01/2017 14:07

Elspeth, I don't even really know what absolution means, to be honest. So I can't say for certain if that's what I'm after.

OP posts:

Original poster

SheldonHickey · 20/01/2017 14:10

Yes, I can see that, Hallowed. So they could say "A Catholic God forgives you", and if you don't believe specifically in a Catholic God that doesn't help anyone? That makes sense... although I quite like the idea of being told of a God that just forgives you, even if I know nothing of Catholicism.

OP posts:

RogueStar01 · 20/01/2017 14:11

i don't agree - i'm a bit like the op, sometimes i have faith, sometimes (quite a lot of it) i can't find any faith. i found confession a freeing experience, to acknowledge that you did bad things but they're behind you and you're mentally turning a new leaf is helpful. You could try RCIA and see what you think - reconciliation if you were baptised is part of converting and you can choose not to at the end. In general though, you can mentally move on yourself and choose to put things behind you, you don't really need a priest for that.

Original poster

SheldonHickey · 20/01/2017 14:12

Also, I have a question: would a Catholic God forgive me even if I am not a Catholic? Or do I have to believe in Catholicism to get forgiven at all?

OP posts:

Original poster

SheldonHickey · 20/01/2017 14:13

Thanks, Rogue - that's useful.

OP posts:

HallowedMimic · 20/01/2017 14:14

It's not so much a Catholic God, but that confession is a peculiarly Catholic sacrament.

I really think a therapist might be more your thing.

Becoming Catholic in order to receive the sacrament of reconciliation seems a bit extreme, not to mention time consuming.

GoLightlyHollie · 20/01/2017 14:14

As a Catholic and as someone who had a good experience of priests as a kid while I would say that going to confession probably isn't the solution you're looking for, because it really is just about confessing your sins. (I remember as a kid during school we'd quickly make up a few sins while waiting outside the Confessional. Probably a sin in itself. But I digress)
But if you feel utterly hopeless, then why not go into the church and have a chat with a priest? I'd be very surprised if they turned you away.

AgainstTheOddsNo2 · 20/01/2017 14:15

As with the others if therapy or talking things through with someone is what you want then confession is probably not the way to go.

I would recommend your gp for an NHS therapist, mind or the samaritans.

However if you feel religion is the way you want to go go to church on a Sunday. Most are very welcoming of new people, I have found particularly methodists, and build a relationship with priest, minister, vicar... who I am sure would be more than willing to listen outside the confines and limitations of confession. But PLEASE choose a church who want nothing from you....

Original poster

SheldonHickey · 20/01/2017 14:18

Thank you for all the perspectives and suggestions - I'm taking all this in.

OP posts:

ElspethFlashman · 20/01/2017 14:19

I'm not being funny, OP but what exactly do you want from the experience?

Cos you seem to have kinda plucked confession out of the air.

Pallisers · 20/01/2017 14:20

As a catholic, I also don't think going to confession will help you - and possibly could make things work.

It is a catholic sacrament so when you tell the priest you are not catholic, he will most likely gently tell you he cannot perform confession for you. He may or may not be able to help you in a chat but bear in mind not every priest is good at pastoral care or has the training to be an effective listener or therapist. You could walk into the church and get a priest who has a strong faith and whose strength is parish administration or catholic education or prayer - but not listening and guidance. That would not help you.

Also in the end of the day confession is about what we do with our own wrong-doing and guilt. the priest just says the words. God forgiving you is really another way of saying "I accept I did something wrong. I am sorry. I will try to atone/make penance. I will resolve not to do it again. I will move on with my life not encumbered by unhelpful feelings of guilt" You need to find someone who can help you get to that place. Or maybe someone who can help you figure out whether you should feel guilty at all.

good luck OP.

Pallisers · 20/01/2017 14:20

make things worse - not work!

RogueStar01 · 20/01/2017 14:22

idk whether God will forgive us sheldon but I think forgiving yourself is the hardest part tbh, that's what you need to find a way to do.

Niskayuna · 20/01/2017 14:24

This is kind of hilarious.

If all you want to do is TALK AT someone, why not just get on the bus and yammer on at someone there?

You a) clearly have no idea what confession is and b) are really offensive.

When people want to talk something out, and can't afford therapy, they post on the internet.

Original poster

SheldonHickey · 20/01/2017 14:27

Niskayuna, if there were someone on the bus who I could have an intelligent discussion with to really explore the deeper meaning of wrongdoing and forgiveness with (i.e., very much not talk at), then yes - I'd be up for that. I was under the impression that priests would be people who had thought a lot about such things, and would be in a position to impart wisdom. Perhaps not.

Pallisers - thank you. That is useful.

OP posts:

Niskayuna · 20/01/2017 14:29

"would a Catholic God forgive me even if I am not a Catholic? Or do I have to believe in Catholicism to get forgiven at all?"

You're just trolling now.

Original poster

SheldonHickey · 20/01/2017 14:30

You're just trolling now.

Eh?

OP posts:

Waltermittythesequel · 20/01/2017 14:30

Lots of posters will come on spouting crap about sky fairies and unicorns in a minute...

Maybe not but that's generally the way of it around here. Because they're ever so with it and hilarious.

But confession is a sacrament that people take seriously. Not a therapy session.

And, to be frank, if you're not sure you believe in God and you don't follow the Catholic faith, why would you even bother? What's it for??

If you just want to talk about what you did, do it here or in a diary.

Because it's no good having someone you don't believe in forgive you, is it?

RogueStar01 · 20/01/2017 14:30

sheldon the philosophy/religion/ethics part of mumsnet has some deep thinkers on there with a broad range of beliefs, you might want to try moving it. I'm not finding it offensive that someone wants to talk to a Catholic priest who's not sure whether they have faith or not personally.

Waltermittythesequel · 20/01/2017 14:31

I was under the impression that priests would be people who had thought a lot about such things, and would be in a position to impart wisdom. Perhaps not.

Well, no. Not during confession.

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 20/01/2017 14:31

My (Catholic) priest counsels a lot of non-Catholics . That isn't Confession though and nor should it be. Talking to a member of the clergy might well be helpful, but no, you can't just pop into the confessional because you feel like it.
Do bear in mind though, that parishes are getting larger and priests are getting scarcer, so most clergypeople have little or no free time and you may have to wait until they can fit you in.

empirerecordsrocked · 20/01/2017 14:32

You can't just rock up to confession - it a sacrament - in the same way you can't just rock up and take communion without receiving the sacrament at first communion.

Confession last about two minutes and they certainly don't counsel you.

Can you go to your gp and get referred to counselling?

ElspethFlashman · 20/01/2017 14:33

Yeah I'm wondering if this is a wind up.

It's hard to believe someone asking about confession wouldn't have googled it.

Rockpebblestone · 20/01/2017 14:33

You could 'confess' on here. Make sure you name change and your password is secure etc sand it is pretty anonymous.

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