AIBU - daughter's messy room (with pics)

[mrsm43s]

So my daughter is 12, and her room is always messy. It drives me bonkers, and I'm constantly biting my tongue about it!

So, at 12 what is reasonable? I generally just shut the door to her room and walk on past, because the mess bothers me. Consequently the floor is rarely hoovered and the room rarely cleaned. She also loses/damages (her own) possessions as a result of the mess (e.g. losing one glove, facewash spilt on a book, accidentally sits on and snaps ruler etc). When this happens she either goes without, or replaces items with her own money.

She's not allowed food or drink in her room (apart from water bottle) because of the mess.

Her floor is generally clear in the middle, but mess and clutter round the edges of the room and on every surface, bed rarely made, and often has stuff (books, clothes etc) in it. She'll empty the bin or go and get washing when prompted and will strip and change the bed when asked. She'll shuffle round and tidy up a bit if pressed, but honestly not to what I would consider an acceptable standard.

Her room is a good size 13'x11' although the clutter makes it look small. Her brother is in the 6' x 6' box room by luck of birth order. His room is cluttered, but kept tidier than his sister's.

She's a great girl, polite, well behaved, achieving highly at school. She's busy with lots of extra curriculars and puts loads of effort into her school work. Do I let this slide? Is this level of mess acceptable for a 12 year old? I appreciate it could be far worse!

OP if it bothers you then its no one elses place to say your wrong, get her into a routine of having a quick tidy up before bed.

everyone has different views, where some think lifes too short to worry about a tidy home, each to their own.
I personally am a clean freak and feel disrespected when I find clean washing dumped on the floor amongst dirty washing & personal belongings broke (lots in my ds's room)

it wouldn't be accepted if my dcs were to throw/drop paper or get changed and leave dirty underwear or clothes were they stood whether it be in their bedroom or any room, its teaching kids to pick up after themselves that teaches them good habits. im not preaching, mine don't listen to a word and I have similar bedrooms. but I try and fail to get them on the right track for being organised when they fly the nest.

Actually, I've looked at the picture again, and I think you need to have a lovely (and I mean lovely, cosy, friendly) afternoon where you help her sort her room out. Music, chat, good humour. She probably doesn't know how to make it look tidy or how to organise her possessions.

For example, dd thought that all ornaments needed to be out, and the makeup, and the hairbrushes etc, and she didn't really know how to organise her drawers properly. You can suggest ways of rationalising. It is always easier when it is someone else's room!!!! Dd also made a mood board with pictures from a interiors mag, she had ideas about how she wanted her room to look, and then I was able to interpret it, and show her ways to get the effect, declutter the things that spoilt the "look"

I agree with the posters who have said that it is absolutely horrible to post pictures of your DD's room on the WWW and publicly criticise her as well. I simply can't imagine any 12 year old being OK with that.

You are taking advantage of her good nature by assuming that she won't be pissed off. If she does see that you've done it you have also set her a terrible example about internet usage and privacy. Well done.

Are you sure you've put the right pictures up? I'm failing to see much mess. Couple bits of paper on the floor, that's about it.

This was my room at 12yo, 13yo,14yo,15yo,16yo............

(not actually my room, but mine was honestly very very very like that )

When DD came in from school I showed her the pic and said a mner thinks this is a mess. She said "where?" This is the DD I mentioned earlier whose room would disgust you. I said I was going to put the pic of your room on and she said I should have. ;) Not as enraged as some mners might think.

I just showed my 8 year old. He said it is quite messy. He said the beds all crumpled and the stuffs all shoved on the shelves.

Hahaha! You should see my 7yo bedroom, and well, the playroom's a shocker too, I daren't post it as you'd ALL pass out

That's tidy! My bedroom's messier!

That's not messy just a bit untidy. It actually is a normal bedroom for a 12 year old.
All 3 of my Dds were much messier then that. Actually DD3 is 25 and her room is messier than that

When you said messy, I thought we were going to see something like this:

Mrsm you do realise threads/photos here are often picked up by the fucking awful Daily Mail and other press?

I'm pretty sure your DD wouldn't be happy to see a photo of her bedroom (accompanied by her mother asking others to judge her DD for leaving dirty knickers on the floor) in the national press, let alone an open forum like MN.

I think it's an awful invasion of privacy and the fact that you don't, is pretty bad, never mind the tidiness level.

I'm pretty sure your DD wouldn't be happy to see a photo of her bedroom (accompanied by her mother asking others to judge her DD for leaving dirty knickers on the floor) in the national press, let alone an open forum like MN

I tried to raise this hours ago (although didn't directly mention the DM) and was reassured by the OP that she knows her daughter will be utterly thrilled, laugh and playfully poke her mother in the ribs.

So no-one needs to worry about anything.

Its really not that bad!! pretty normal id say, i think loads of parents will be wishing their teens room was as tidy as that!!! I painted mine black when i was that age and my parents were never able to get the paint off the walls, any colour they would paint it the black would seep thru haha

I don't think that it's messy

Mumsnet is funny at times.....move on 4 years.
"My daughter is 16, leaves her dirty underwear and rubbish on her bedroom floor for me to clean up as I've always done"
People respond

"You made a rod for your own back"
"Your daughter needed to learn at 12 not to treat you as a maid"
Etc etc etc.

I'm surprised by these responses. I thought it was quite messy. Not a tip but not tidy.

I'm not a neat freak either.

DS1 could make the living room worse than that. And suggest that people could "just step over things" on the way to the kitchen rather than that he clear up. Bedroom was...indescribable.
That room is peachy.

Public shaming your own daughter? Nice!

That's really tidy compared to how my daughter used to leave her room.
She's so much better since she went to uni, but, when she comes home it starts to build up again.... (She doesn't let her room in her shared house get like this!!!)

I just refuse to tidy it. She will climb over piles of clothes etc to get in and out of bed.
She has crisp packets, sweet wrappers,damp towels etc etc...Urgh. she doesn't know why she does this. I don't know why...It's not for the want of trying to get her to keep it tidy, since she was a kid. I used to end up doing it, but by the time she hit 13 I gave up.
She will EVENTUALLY bring down mugs and glasses and various other crockery, when I have to moan that my shelves are looking a bit empty, or she can't find a clean one to use...

Love those high ceilings... < misses point of thread>

Yabu that is not messy at all and Yabu for posting photos of her bedroom on the Internet.

Remove the photos. Back off and give your daughter her space and privacy. You sound like a nightmare and you should show your daughter some respect.

I can see the carpet! That's a tidy room as far as my daughter is concerned (dd12)

Re the bed size ~ sorry, from the picture it looks like a single bed.