To ask for good answers to rude personal comments and questions

[Altimate]

DH's sister and her partner always upset me by the personal comments and questions they make to me when we see them. They have the knack of digging exactly where I am most sensitive. I avoid them whenever I can, but she is DH's only relative so can't go completely NC. I get so tense and wound up whenever we have to meet up with them and DH is no good at all at supporting me. Would IBU to hit back with some of my own? What can I say?

Loving the sound of Mrs Fogi's friend. I would probably ask them to repeat what ever it was and then leave a very, very long pause.

No children yet, are you having problems?

They sound awful but I would never, ever say this to anyone.

They sound awful but I would never, ever say this to anyone.

SuburbanRhonda is right. Altimate, don't lower yourself to their level.

'Have you put on weight?

Yes I have. Please may I have another potato?

'Isn't (DGD) walking yet?'

She's lazy like her mum!

'You don't see much of your son, do you'

Did you hear that 2016 was the hottest year on record?

'Why haven't you been promoted yet?'

Why indeed. When will the world recognise my genius?

'just a joke, don't be so petty'

I missed the punchline.

Do you have to sit around the table with these people? I would wait until they asked the first question, sigh theatrically and stare pointedly at DH while maintaining radio silence. See what he comes up with.
If nothing, I would look them in the eye and ask why this rude manner of questioning was necessary for them to feel superior. Ask what is going on in their lives that is making them feel so bad about themselves that they feel the need to do this.

Make bingo cards- insult son, insult grandchild, unkind about weight, pick at career... shout HOUSE when you got it.

Have you put on weight? Not as much as you, ya fat bitch

Are you really having a potato with that?. Course I am, does this look like a fucking Irish famine you daft bitch.

Isn't (DGD) walking yet? Ah, she just gets a bit clingy when you come around because she finds your face frightening.

You don't see much of your son, do you No, he just doesn't come round when you're here because he thinks you're a cunt.

Why haven't you been promoted yet?. Well we don't all have bosses that let us fuck our way to top you raddled old tart.

HTH.

"excuse me whilst I start a thread on MN about what you just said - they are gonna fucking LOVE this one!!"

P.S.

bill

I would lead with do you want to quiz me before or after eating? Then laugh then if they say anything you can say its a joke don't be so uptight. From that point on everytime they get into asking you questions say oh good its quiz time again then laugh at them. Make them into the joke they will soon see how it feels to be made a fool of and put down

Are you this bitchy/rude/awful to everyone or am I just lucky?!

Bill has nailed it.

There is all the responses you need OP. Given you are probably quute passive and quiet, which is why they think they can bet away with this shite, it would shut them right up to hear you come out with thkse replies. Plese do it and update. I bet they'll never do it again!

I love MrsFogis friend.
I've been prey to a certain type of person who asks awful questions, and it's so infuriating to be told "they didn't mean it like that", as if it's your fault they're so rude. There are certain questions I will never ask, because you just don't, but it seems some people didn't get the memo.
I've often thought I need lessons in diplomacy, but maybe I need MrsFogi's friend

Bill has it

or go with surreal:

have you put on weight - "what? this? No, that's where I keep the spare tea-towels"

are you really having a potato with that - "no?" - then eye them suspiciously for a while before asking when they last got their eyes tested. I must stress that this only works if you do have a potato

Isn't DGD walking yet - "oh yes, but not on a obviously"

you don't see much of your son do you - "oh I do, in fact I'm seeing him right now" - then stare into space as if you're having a vision

why haven't you been promoted yet "it's an operose dichotomy for sure"

If your goal is to maintain relations with them, then the safest way is to act as if you think every question is the start of a joke, and respond accordingly.

"Have you put on weight?" "Haha, what are you, the weight distribution police? Hahaha!" or "Oh, no, it just looks that way because I'm carrying the weight of so many judgmental assumptions. You?"

"Are you really having a potato with that?" "Of course -- doesn't everyone always have a potato with everything? Hahaha!"

"Isn't (DGD) walking yet?" "Oh, goodness, no, she's been far too busy reading 'War and Peace.'"

"You don't see much of your son, do you?" "What? I have a son? Where! Hahaha!"

"Why haven't you been promoted yet?" "Oh, I was overpromoted so high they had to start me back again at square one." or "I've been so occupied answering questions about why I haven't been promoted that I haven't been able to get any work done!"

The "What are you, the x police?" is a good fallback if you can't think of anything else. Works for every occasion. "What are you, the baby milestone police?" "What are you, the potato police?" And so on. Then laugh and immediately change the subject with a question of your own or the MrsFogis's friend method.

My response is 'snaney'. When they ask what that means I say 'snaney yer business'.

Where appropriate e.g. Have you put on weight, haven't you been promoted yet- say in an excited voice- do you know what, I was just going to ask you the same thing, have you/why haven't you? And dont say another word until they reply, turn them round. Answer their questions with a question

Fart extremely loudly. And smile.

Oh I hate people questioning me. I was always told it was rude to ask questions. I just give people "the look". If I don't want to answer something. Or ask. Why. That puts them on the spot.
However nosiness is one thing asking personal questions to gloat which it seems your sister is doing. Is very much another

I'd avoid if possible.... however if I did have to see them I would not bother with clever answers or counter attacks, I d just give dull answers

'Have you put on weight?

Don't know

Are you really having a potato with that?'

Yeah, I am

'Isn't (DGD) walking yet?'

Umm, No

'You don't see much of your son, do you'

Dunno

'Why haven't you been promoted yet?'

dunno,

'just a joke, don't be so petty'

Oh, ok

I have to say that I like Bills responses...

God, you lot are good! You make me feel better about the weekend, just reading some of these that I could use. I probably don't have the nerve for Bill 's but wish I did, but can definitely try some of galen and chocolateworshipper ones. And the politician non-answer. If only I could have done some of these ages ago, I might not be so stressed about them now. and might have been promoted and not put on weight

I have enjoyed reading this thread. I was about to post a similar one actually. I keep getting asked at work about when my DH and I are going to "get on with plans" to have a baby, and other such pointed comments about "looking at my belly" every time I walk past. And asking how I am feeling all the time, with a supposedly knowing wiggle of the eyebrows. It's really upsetting me and I wish they would stop, but I don't know how to ask them to stop. Does anyone have advice on how to tell people to stop asking about baby plans in a nice way, as they are well known for talking behind your back if they feel annoyed about anything, so I don't want a rude reply, just a firm polite "please stop" kind of reply. Thanks you.

I see someone occasionally who does this.
She always asks me if I'm pregnant. She always tells me I should be pregnant. She always asks DD if she'd like a brother/sister.
This is not someone I know well, not even well enough to consider an acquaintance.

I normally smile and change the subject but last week I got completely and utterly fed up with it.

Her: Are you pregnant?
Me: No. I wasn't pregnant last time either.
Her: Are you sure?
Me: Very sure. I am NOT pregnant. I never ask a woman if she is pregnant. It is a personal question. I'd only ask her if she was pregnant if I could see a baby coming out of her at the time.
Her: But you look pregnant.
Me: No, I am fat. I am not pregnant. I am fat. You have made me feel embarrassed now.
Her (unabashed): You could have a baby.
Me: No, I am too old.
Her: You're not too old.
Me: Yes I am. I am fifty.
Her: Oh.
Me: See, I told you I was too old.
Her: Well...you don't look fifty. You could have a baby. You'd like a brother or sister wouldn't you?
Me: She might, but it's not going to happen. I nearly died when I had her. She nearly died. I don't want to repeat that. She stopped breathing, I had to have emergency surgery and I nearly bled to death. I think she's better off having a mummy than a brother or sister, don't you? Oh look, ist that the time, I must be going.

I bet that next time I see her she'll ask the same questions again. I'm going to try just turning the question back on her if she does.

I know how you feel, it's so tiresome.
There have been several questions/hints in the last few weeks and I'm getting sick of it.
I don't even know the person that well, and she doesn't know me that well to justify asking such personal questions. I just really want her to stop.