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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Don't understand it

24 replies

lotty34 · 23/02/2007 21:47

Mum from school keeps inviting my daughter and I (she also has a pre-schooler) over to her house for a coffee, chat and play (its always been a firm day, date and time) but when I get there she is never in. I have put off other invites only to get to her house and no-one is there, I have sat outside her house for a while feeling a little annoyed and when I have txted her the reply is along the lines of 'Sorry needed to do a big shop, will catch you again' This happened again today and I have just about had enough of it now. Todays excuse was she was caught up at the local shops !!!! I don't want an arguement so don't say anything to her (call me a chicken if you want) but even more annoying is she never says anything either, not even an apology. Yes I know I should say something but I can't be bothered hearing the silly explanations she will no doubt give me.

If she does not want to see me then why the constant invites. ??? I just don't get it. Next time I will make my excuses and not fall for it again.

OP posts:

bluejelly · 23/02/2007 21:49

Some people are just weird. I would never do that to someone!

QPootle · 23/02/2007 21:51

Bloody rude! In fact unbelievably bloody rude. you've tried twice, or more (?), id's ays that's it. Cross her off the list and don't do it again. Just keep up a stream of lovely idea, but cant and hope she get's the message. If she says give me another date.. just don't sit on it all. Definitely avoid her at all costs, why bother?

PeachesMcLean · 23/02/2007 21:52

Not just weird, downright rude. No, don't bother again.

PeachesMcLean · 23/02/2007 21:53

Tell her you've got a frightfully important trip for a loaf of bread.

shimmy21 · 23/02/2007 21:56

I'd be like you and avoid a confrontation but if she ever asks you again just say no thanks. Don't even bother to explain why or make an excuse.

JustJAMtart · 23/02/2007 21:57

How very odd????

Next time, make an excuse. Why waste yours and your DD's time.

JustJAMtart · 23/02/2007 21:57

How very odd????

Next time, make an excuse. Why waste yours and your DD's time.

southeastastra · 23/02/2007 21:57

she sounds like my sister, she'll meet you at 5 means 6

simplycontrolfreaky · 23/02/2007 21:57

no no no. accept warmly. dont turn up. dont apologise.

Original poster

lotty34 · 23/02/2007 22:00

It is bloody rude. I am glad someone else has said it. I just don't get why she has invited us a number of times yet does a disapearing act on the actual day. She only invited us on Wednesday this week so she can hardly say she has forgotton. I felt really down today as well and could have lived without it. Did not even bother to reply to her txt as really don't need it. What is the point. Thanks.

OP posts:

brandy7 · 23/02/2007 22:01

id tell her politely to get lost

Lizzer · 24/02/2007 14:21

Lotty34, that's bizarre! Remember this thread when she asks you again!

JUST SAY NO!!!!

Good luck, let us know her reaction to your polite refusal...

TnOg · 24/02/2007 14:28

She is bonkers! Maybe she likes to hide around the corner whilst watching you call to the empty house and gets a little kick from playing this joke over and over again....mad!!!!

lulumama · 24/02/2007 14:32

if she cannot be bothered to be in when you call,then i would not bother goign again! not like she had a sudden emergency and had to go out......not fair for you to waste your time, when she clearly thinks it is not important

if i invite someone round for 11.00 on wednesday, i;m not going to go shopping at 9.30!! bizarre!

fortyplus · 24/02/2007 14:33

What a rude woman.
Once would be unfortunate and I would accept an apology, but if it's happened several times then steer clear - you don't need a 'friend' like that.
If she asks you again just politely refuse and tell her why - you'll be doing her a favour as she might then think about her ignorant behaviour.

SSShakeTheChi · 24/02/2007 14:33

When she's chatting to you she feels all friendly and welcoming and imagines how nice it would be to have you over and then on the day she gets into some kind of panic about the state of her house or her unclean fingernails or who knows what and tries to get out of it. I wouldn't turn up again.

It is SO strange to go off on some involved shopping expedition when you've invited someone round.

ScottishThistle · 24/02/2007 14:40

Strange to say the least!

Next time she invites you just politely say "Sorry but my Child has been really disappointed the last few times you haven't been home & I don't want to put her through that again!

Twiglett · 24/02/2007 14:47

oh gawd I used to have a friend like this .. a really lovely lady and we really clicked

BUT she had this horrible habit of not turning up to nights out .. and then she didn't turn up for a Sunday lunch at my house with another couple .. I'd obviously cooked .. no phone calls that day ... ignoring my calls for a week .. then apologising

but she'd do it again and again and was embarrassed but said it was just the way she was and she didn't mean anything by it

in the end I asked her to meet me for drinks she turned up and I explained how hurt and confused I felt every time she did it, she understood seemed embarrassed and said she'd lost another friend like that and didn't want to lose me as a friend ..

we lost touch after that

shame I liked her but couldn't stand her lack of respect for other human beings

I think some people just don't think

colditz · 24/02/2007 14:54

I've go a friend like this. Now I ring her, and speak to her, but I never ever arrange anything, because she's a total let down. I dropped her socially a few years ago, because everything else is more important than the arrangments she makes with me, so I don't make them. I have much better things to do with my time than wait infor someone who "Can't get through the check out at Tecos".

It might well be 'the way she is', well shall I walk around thumping people who piss me off? Because that's the way I am, but I manage to suppress it for the sake of sociability.

NAB3 · 24/02/2007 14:56

Would you like to be friends? If so, invite her to yours when you want to be in anyway and see if she turns up. If she does, maybe those other times were unavoidable or she is shy about her house. Or, make a joke about will you be in this time and if she isn't you know something is afoot.

Miaou · 24/02/2007 14:57

My dh always accuses me of trying to look for the goodness in people who really don't have any - but I just wonder, perhaps she panics at the last minute and "runs away" from the situation - but feels she ought to have people round so just repeats the cycle? Not that this excuses her behaviour at all - it is unacceptable after all!

kittywaitsfornumber6 · 24/02/2007 15:17

OMG, don't accept anymore invites. What she is saying to you by doing this is that she is much more important than you and that it doesn't matter to her atall if she wastes your time. What an awful woman. She needs a slap.

Elasticwoman · 25/02/2007 12:45

Why does she do it? She wants you to come when she invites you, and then when it seems more convenient to do something else, drops you like a hot potato. I think you are wise not to get into an argument with her, and not to accept (or give) any more invitations.

ThrowbackToWhen · 04/09/2023 13:03

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

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