To ask you to cheer me up about the state of the world with convoluted plot wrists that result in everything being alright

[lingle]

I'm struggling and keep apologising to the children.
Also if you could get me past Friday...

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends.

Watch Love Actually?

Well desperate times call for desperate measures!

Ok so we brexit and it's actually really great industry thrives and growth continues at a rate not seen in recent years. Over the pond however Donalds inauguration is underway Ant and Dec are overseeing because every one else was mysteriously unavailable, the national anthem and inaugural songs are being sung by a man who once got boo'd off stage at Killingbeck wmc so that's all good he jist gets in to his beat box version of the star spangled banner when duh duh tragedy strikes Donald trips on the hem of his limited edition trump logo robe and impales himself in the giant gold key to the white house that was waiting for him on stage. And the world breathes again.

This is very bad of me but I'm a bit hoping George Bush Snr dies and overshadows psycho Don's party. I'm going straight to hell.

Bobby Ewing steps out of your shower and you realise the whole of 2016 was a bad dream.

Angela Merkel gets jealous and wants to be in leopardskin kitten heels too, so we join Germany in a European superpower that controls the globe. The ladies decide they don't want Donald and his nastiness so they arrange for Jason Bourne to shoot him on his yacht before he takes power. Our new currency, the DeutchPound, soars to levels never seen before and the government gives everybody a 10 grand birthday present (backdated to 1st Jan) cos they're feeling generous. German/uk scientists discove the cure to cancer, the common cold and everything in between. We get just enough global warming to give us fabulous summers where it is 25 deg every summer day, with gentle rain between 2 and 4am every night.

I want to live there.

That's more like it!

Everybody suddenly remembers that a previous president of the us's only real claim to fame was that, before taking office he was in a movie where his co- star ( who out acted him) was a chimpanzee...and whilst in office he clearly suffered from Alzheimer's...and that shit completly failed to happen..

Obama gets out of the shower and phones the Prime Minister David Milliband ...it was all just a terrible dream

665, thank you that actually helps...

During the inauguration Trump unzips his human costume and reveals himself as an alien overlord.

However, since he's become used to balancing with the weight of the alien interpretation of human hair on his head, he then staggers and trips over an electric cable and zaps himself, removing the threat.

On inauguration day, Obama and Trump both start giggling and the whole thing turns out to be a hilarious practical joke.
The USA gets 8 more years of Obama.

May and Farage admit there isnt another £350 million a day, not even for a hospital, and Article 50 is thrown out by the MPs in an emergency vote.

Ooh yes...

We're actually living in the Biff/casino alternate timeline from Back to the Future part 2, but Marty will fix things and everything will switch to how it's supposed to be.