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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mad about marker ban

79 replies

ScienceOven · 17/01/2017 17:37

This evening my DSs and I were colouring with markers. I took DS1 to the bathroom for one minute, during which the DS2 (2.5 y.o.) decided to draw on the tile floor.

It came off the tiles ok, but not the grout. As I was scrubbing away, DH comes home and has a go at me for letting the kids use the markers. Now, he has said in the past that the kids should not be allowed markers at all, until they know not cause trouble with them (how will they learn that without ever using them? ). According to him, that would be around the age of 4 or 5.

We rent, but the furniture is ours, so any damage done with markers would be limited to the tile floor and walls. Anyway, he said that I have to get the marker off the grout right away or find a way to pay for it (I am a SAHM, so that comment made me feel just lovely). So him and the kids had dinner that I had made while I ended up scrubbing at the damn grout

It all came off, kids are in bed and I am eating reheated dinner and mad as hell at him for being such an ass to me. Now, I know he expects me to say sorry for "not listening to him and giving kids markers" but I feel that he should be the one apologising for having a go at me and insisting I clean right away, instead of after dinner. AIBU?
Also, marker ban - who is right?

OP posts:

starfishmummy · 17/01/2017 17:54

Ltb

Astro55 · 17/01/2017 17:55

Personally I hate kids and sharpies!!

However I think your issues with your husband go deeper than the pen marks

Fidelia · 17/01/2017 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ScienceOven · 17/01/2017 17:56

Not permanent markers, of course! Just standard kids' washable markers.

OP posts:

PostTruthEra · 17/01/2017 17:57

Why did you scrub the floor instead of having dinner?! Your husband doesn't own you. He can say whatever he likes (though obviously he shouldn't be an arse) but you don't have to do what he says!

In the early days of our relationship, my now DH mentioned there was a crease in a work shirt I ironed him as a favour. Seven years on, still I will not iron any of his clothing.

I bet your kids had a lovely time playing with the pens and they value your being a SAHP. Childcare is hard work, and it sounds like you do a good job of it. Shame your dh was so rude to you. Is this how he is normally?

Blueskyrain · 17/01/2017 17:58

I don't like how he spoke to you, but I can understand his frustration. It's clear from your OP that you've disagreed with him on pens in the past, but still use them, even though he (sensibly), thinks they are too young. You're in a rental, and allowing your toddlers continued use of the pens is basically flushing deposit money down the toilet. Ultimately, he bears the financisl burden in the household, so he'll have to eventually be paying out for it. Despite knowing he's worried about this, you still let toddlers use pens- and unsupervised.

He shouldn't have spoken to you like that, but I can understand his frustration.

The fact that it took you so long to clear it off (missing dinner, bed etc), either shows how extensive the mess was, or just how ingrained it had become already. Getting it out when fresh, rather than leaving it until later surely makes it more likely that you'll get it it at all.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 17/01/2017 18:03

Just to let you know, you can buy Grout pens for about £3. Really easy way to revive your tile grout and get it looking white again.

(Just don't let the kids play with them )

EweAreHere · 17/01/2017 18:12

In the early days of our relationship, my now DH mentioned there was a crease in a work shirt I ironed him as a favour. Seven years on, still I will not iron any of his clothing.

That was exactly the right response, too.

Megatherium · 17/01/2017 18:14

he said that I have to get the marker off the grout right away or find a way to pay for it

Tell him he's have to get the dirt off the crockery, cutlery and pans right away or find a way to pay for it. And he'll have to find a way to get the dirt off his clothes or find a way to pay for them. And he'll have to find a way to get his children to sleep or find a way to pay for it.

gillybeanz · 17/01/2017 18:14

Don't they stink and not supposed to be used by children?
Your dh is in the right I'm afraid.

He is a bullying arse though, do you always jump when he bosses you around? This is the worrying bit tbh, not the markers.

TKRedLemonade · 17/01/2017 18:18

Misses the point but.....kids are in bed at 1745 and you are having reheated dinner??? What time do they go to bed at and what time is dinner?

LagunaBubbles · 17/01/2017 18:18

Gilly so kids washable pens shouldn't be used by children?

bumsexatthebingo · 17/01/2017 18:19

Well I wouldn't let any child have pens unsupervised in my house if they drew on things other than paper. How my kids learned was they drew on something they shouldn't and then they weren't allowed pens unsupervised until they were older and able to understand that if they drew on stuff they wouldn't be allowed pens on their own.
The way your husband speaks to you is foul though.

WhirlwindHugs · 17/01/2017 18:20

These things happen and yes of course he is ridiculous to think that children under 5 shouldn't have access to washable pens!

I was really strict about pens being only under my supervision and we still had a few incidents of pen on wall. They can be extremely sneaky when they want to be.

LagunaBubbles · 17/01/2017 18:22

OP your problems aren't limited to pens, firstly what an awful way to speak to you and secondly are you so scared of him you didn't feel you could eat dinner but had to scrub right there andthen?

Namechangenurseryconcerns · 17/01/2017 18:22

I don't think the op is referring to permanent markers. I think people in the US use 'marker' where we'd use pen or felt tip.

Blueskyrain · 17/01/2017 18:22

Laguna, not unsupervised toddlers certainly!!

If this was today, the timeline doesn't make any sense.

LagunaBubbles · 17/01/2017 18:26

Yes I agree with that Bluesky but Gilly just says "not supposed to be used by children".

LagunaBubbles · 17/01/2017 18:27

The OP has already said its not permanent markers.

Crispbutty · 17/01/2017 18:27

I'm in agreement with him about them using markers of any kind if they aren't old enough to know not to draw on anything other than paper.

If it took you a while to scrub off, then he had a point about that.

However he is completely out of order for speaking to you in the way he did.

You are also being a martyr for scrubbing the floor now when you could have said "I will sort it after dinner".

MizzEmma · 17/01/2017 18:28

Regarding the felt tips:

I wouldn't leave a 2.5 yo alone with felt tips so yes, I agree that damage to the grout was your fault. If it's a rental property I can see why he'd be annoyed about that. (I'm a landlord too and I'd be unimpressed)

However that is a completely separate issue to you being told to scrub the floor rather than having dinner or being told to find a way to pay for it.

I'd be having a discussion with my DH about respect.

I'd also strongly consider getting a job. I wouldn't like to be financially beholden to a man that treated me that way.

I'm concerned that you agreed to scrubbing the floor rather than just stating you'd do it after dinner. That rather suggests an inbalance of power, you aren't a child or an employee to be ordered around.

Original poster

ScienceOven · 17/01/2017 18:28

thanks for the responses, I do know it was my fault for not watching them 100% of the time, but it literally was a minute and he just drew along the grout lines, that's why it took a while (and oxiclean) to get off. neither of the kids have done that before.

we're not in the UK, it's after 9pm here now :)

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 17/01/2017 18:30

So why did you take any notice when he spoke to you the way he did?

Do you usually follow his orders?

PimmsIsMyDrinkOfChoice · 17/01/2017 18:31

Wait until your DH is asleep tonight and draw a comedy moustache on his upper lip in marker pen.

Ensure that...
Marker is a permanent one.
And the moustache is an ornate Victorian one with curled up ends

GinIsIn · 17/01/2017 18:33

Your DH really is an arse- does he often speak to you like that? He is an arse with a point, however - your DC are waaaaaay too young to be left unsupervised with pens, even for a minute.

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