To think I'm just pregnant, not bloody stupid.

[HLBug]

Currently 26 weeks pregnant with baby number 2. Completely appreciate that I can, therefore, be a bit of a hormonal mess and not always see things all that clearly...but today I'm REALLY cross with DH. AIBU?

DS (age 2.8m) has had constipation issues for about 7 months. Bless him, he only goes once every 5/6 days and it's a proper struggle.

Follow up appointment at hospital today and doctor suggested giving up dairy to see if things improved. But NO clear instructions given as to how long, to remove all traces of dairy or just portions, and whether to stay on laxatives during the process or not. We chatted about many other things, so it was only when I got home did I realise I wasn't sure what, if anything, to do with dairy.

Phoned DH on return to tell him all fine, but was a bit confused about dairy instructions. DH proceeds to question me over and over and over about the appointment - and got quite cross when I said I wasn't very clear what to do. I got a bit teary and upset (stupid hormones) as he basically made me feel like I was a rubbish mum. I said I'd phone the GP and see if they could email the hospital to get them to clarify. DS was dairy intolerant as a baby so the dieticians there know us well.

DH has however decided that I'm no longer capable of taking DS to any such appointments at the moment as I'm pregnant and clearly not capable! AIBU to be a bit pissed off? Yes, I should've double checked everything with hospital doctor, but honestly there were so many other things to talk about it just didn't register. Feeling a bit silly and sad.

Did he actually say that?

I would be cross, but I would say, by all means, do it yourself. Then I would question the fuck out of him.

Unfortunately yes, then backtracked to say something along the lines of "I'll start doing these appointments if you're not feeling up to it" - so basically the same thing.

I'd love DH to start taking DS to appointments but DH not great at keeping calm under stress and would probably freak DS out (DH is a bit of a worry wort when it comes to health things).

To be honest I'm a bit confused by your post.

If the doctor told you that your son should try giving up dairy, why are you unclear as to 'what, if anything, to do with dairy', and where is the suggestion of reducing their portion sizes coming from? Did the doctor say you should reduce portions, or did he say to give it up?

If you weren't told to give up the laxatives, why would you have DS stop taking them?

The only ambiguous thing seems to be the timescale, but I'd assume you should see how it goes for a few weeks at least, or until the next appointment if that isn't too far away?

Sorry if I'm also bombarding you with questions, but I don't really understand much of your confusion.

DH was obviously rude, hence his backtracking, so YANBU to upset, but based on your post if feels like you're being a bit obtuse.

Why would you phone your GP to get them to phone the hospital? Why don't you just phone the hospital?

Phone the hospital and ask to speak to the consultant's secretary. Ask them the questions you have. They should get back to you fairly quickly with some answers.
As for your DH, tell him it would be nice if he could come with you and support you, rather than expect you to act as his secretary - and point out that it's easy to forget all of the questions when something upsetting is being said.

To be fair it seems you didn't ask important details. I'd be annoyed if dh had missed stuff like that.

Doesn't sound like it was hormones making you cry, sounds like your DH is being an arsehole. However, it's not surprising that he thinks pregnancy makes you less capable as reading your post it sounds like you believe that too.
I would cut out all dairy for a few weeks to see if there is an improvement. I hope you get your ds sorted soon.

Don't you get copied into the letter that goes to the gp . Which summaries the appointment and what was agreed.

Continue the laxatives (presuming movicol/laxidol or similar). Try to cut dairy out as completely as possible for at least a fortnight. If you think it's helping, continue for longer. If not, try reintroducing, but if things get worse on restarting, then stop again. Can be helpful to keep a diary of pooing frequency/consistency/other symptoms on/off dairy in order to see if making a difference. If it does really help, usually stay off a few months, then try a gradual reintroduction - google diary ladder for that.

Thanks all. Yes, the GP will get emailed a copy of the letter the consultant will write following the appointment, hence why I thought of contacting them in the first instance. Consultant's secretary also a good idea though.

I'm cross with myself about not asking more questions about details, but equally think consultant could've been clearer if she was giving an instruction. Same situation would've occurred whether or not I was pregnant though - that's what I'm struggling to get across to DH... Next appointment I will make sure to do things differently (pregnant or not!)

Sounds like a silly argument. Give each other a hug and kiss and get off each other's backs.

Your DH is overreacting somewhat but tbh so are you. You were told to "give up dairy" Iwould have assumed that give up dairy requires totally cutting it out. If you already had a dairy free stint they are probably assuming you know how to do that. If they didn't tell you to stop his other meds then I would presume that's because they don't want you to. Cutting out specific food groups for a period of time is often one of the first things done. If he was dairy intolerant as a baby it's likely he still is at not even 3.

I always feel like this after I've been to see the HV, I seem more confused then when I went in and i feel like a crap mum. Sounds like he wants to support you but didn't come across very well. The fact you're trying to find a solution to a poorly baby means you are definitely not a bad mum! Perhaps a dairy free diet as suggested and see if that helps at all. Sending