To ask about your relationship with your siblings?

[anametouse]

Honestly because I'm trying to decide if i should have another baby (fertility problems so can't leave it to fate, I have the money for another round of IVF which is how DS got here)

People keep saying he should have a sibling, but I don't know anyone who is close to their siblings. I'm an only child and was always happy as one.

How is your relationship with your siblings, were they a vital part of your childhood, do they make you happy?

my brother ( older) is my best friend, absolutely adore each other, always there for each other and can honestly say he is my go to person ...my 2dd are 5 yrs apart in each, completely different personalities and interests and careers etc but they adore each other, speak every day and are best friends.

I don't think you can predict but i wonder how much is a result of the modelling they see...i come from a supportive, loving close family who all work hard at keeping in touch, being there for each other, helping out, etc etc.....my girls grew up in this enviroment, which continued throughout me splitting with their father, and they saw us still mutually support each other etc....you model your early relationships on the ones around you ?

I have one sister. I honestly couldn't imagine my life without her. Shes fabulous!

I think sibling relationships can be so special. You have so many 'in jokes' and no one will understand your upbringing like they will.

I have a Dbro and Dsis. We get on fine when we are each other although we argued as children. We are fairly distant though and rarely contact each other when not visiting our parents. We never visit each other. I live quite far away from the rest of them. Maybe it will change if any of us have children. I would not have been unhappy to be an only child and would cope well as an adult.

I have a good relationship with my db (not brilliant) we live in separate countries but my sil is awesome and makes a huge effort to keep in touch. Even though we probably don't speak v often I am grateful to db for giving me my lovely sil and dns .

Most importantly though I know that wherever I am or whatever I am doing he would be there for me if I needed him.

However I know I am lucky and that it is not like this for all siblings.

On the other hand my dd loves her younger brother but at times it is very limiting and frustrating for her (age difference and very boisterous sibling) and I know she (and me if I am honest) is sometimes envious of some of the opportunities that her friends who are onlies get (logistics and finance of having 2 make most impossible).

I am not sure I am answering your question well except to say there are advantages and disadvantages to both. Only you know which is the right combination for your family.

I'm not close to my sibling at all. We still see each other, but if I'm honest it's when there's a family get together, and although we are fine with each other and have a chat and a laugh, we are not close in the way that I am with good friends. I've tried to make more effort over the years but It's always stonewalled.

We were never close growing up either and in retrospect I can see that we were never encouraged to be. Without going into details, my mother had to be at the centre of everything, and it was always me who was 'in' with her or my sibling - it couldn't be both.

Anyway, I have three DC now and they all get on fantastically well, and are always looking out for each other - it makes me very proud when I see that, and very happy that I encouraged that - despite having not had the greatest of examples

Btw, I do have plenty of friends who were and still are close to their siblings.

We're very close although he drives me fucking insane and the fact we're in different countries is probably a good thing. But I always know he'll have my back - he's always there for me. And yes, he was a vital part of my childhood and he does make me happy - but only because that's the only thing I've known. If I'd been an only child I wouldn't have known the difference, and I'm sure I'd have been fine.

My DSis and I are three years apart. We played together a lot as children and were very close but bickered a lot too. We grew apart a bit when I went to uni and she went to boarding school and I wouldn't say we are super close now - we speak every few weeks though and get on like a house on fire when we're together. I love her very much and after DH she's probably the person I trust most in the world. Definitely glad she exists!

That said you have no way of knowing how their relationship will end up - so only have more kids if you really want to. There are loads of advantages to being an only child!

Sorry, cocked up my wording there - I meant either me or my sibling could be in favour with our mum, never both of us.

As far as I can see, parents can do a huge amount to either help or hinder their children's relationships with each other - and it lasts way after childhood.

Adore my sister, best friend. Brother is horrendous knobhead. However, our parents love us all and get great joy from us and our children.

I adore my younger sister. We fought like cat and dog as teenagers (18month age gap), but close now. I can't imagine an upbringing without her, and I think she's great as an adult! We do still annoy each other occasionally though.

Dh can't stand his brother, and thinks he's a waste of space. They don't fight but only have contact through their parents.

I also have friends who are only children and perfectly happy. There are a lot of upsides to being an only, for both you and your dc.

Just do what you want! Don't worry about other people.

I am the eldest and have 2 DB. We have always been very loving and close. We don't actually see each other very often, because of distance, but when we do it's a joy. We talk on the phone and meet up every few months. We all go on holiday together for one week a year.

I think it helps that we are all very different. You get far less sibling rivalry when you're good at completely different things.

My DBs were a very important part of my childhood. We did loads of things together.

My DSD who is married with kids grew up as an only child until I had my 2 DS when she was in her teens. She has loved having siblings and it gives me great pleasure to see their enjoyment of each other.

My experience of siblings has been unequivocally positive. I thoroughly recommend it. I don't think you can generalize too much but my observation would be that only children miss out on the sharing, the constant negotiations that go with the intimacy of growing up with siblings.

I'm from a big family and love all my siblings, differently but equally. I don't have the short-hand/same life experiences and influences with any one else like I do with them. They make me laugh, I'm proud of their achievements, we grieve together and support each other unquestioningly. Sometimes they drive me mad and growing up was noisy and busy but I absolutely would not be without them.

I have 4DC, watching their relationships develop (and helping them develop when they need it) is one of my great joys and privileges.

I have an older sister (2 yrs difference).

It's complicated.

Two older brothers, one younger sister.

As a child I got on OK with my brothers but not my sister. We would fight like cat and dog.

As adults, I get on with all of them, but wouldn't say I'm close to them. I see them a handful of times a year. I don't have kids, they do so our lives are different. I get on with their kids but don't go in for babysitting (only 2 of 7 still need babysitting). But when I see them I'm quite happy to play with them etc.

Mine were, and yes, they do, they are great people and mean a lot in my life. But that doesn't mean that having siblings is the only route to happiness.

Nothing in life is sure: have another child if you think that is what you want and what is the right thing for you. But don't do it for some kind of projected future that you know nothing about and which involves people that aren't you.

I have two sisters one in very close too the other not so much but since having DD (10 months) she is making an extra effort to be part of our life. I say do whatever you feel is right for you I keep getting asked when I'm going to have another child, you can't let her be an only child. I DO NOT want another child but people look at me with disgust when I say that! I have one and that's a blessing as I didn't think I'd have any

I have no relationship with my brother, and tbh never really have. Our parents are elderly and frail, and tbh he is no help at all, and in fact makes things worse. When they die, I will never contact him again.
DH has two brothers, and although he sees them 3 or so times a year (last year we saw his oldest brother once), its no more a relationship than you'd have with someone you see sometimes at work.

FWIW, my ds is an only and very happy. As his cousins on DHs side are so much older than him and so theres no extended family relationship, I do have to work harder for him to have things like holidays with other children etc, but am sure he'll sort it out as an adult

You haven't said whether you want another child, OP. That should be the only reason to have another, not for the sake of giving your child a sibling, based on the supposition that this will inevitably be a positive thing - because it might not be.

I have an only child by choice, and am the eldest of four. We all currently live in different countries, and have never been particularly close - our childhood was so overcrowded, with very little parental attention or physical space around, that I suspect we've all become rather private, distant adults.

This past Christmas was the first time the four of us had all physically been in the same place for well over ten years.

You should base your decision to have a child solely on whether you want that child for their own sake. If you do it just to provide a sibling then you run the risk of ending up resentful if things don't work out as planned. What if they don't like each other, what if the child has disabilities that mean they are unable to be the perfect sibling you imagine?

Personally I am the youngest of 4 and have such a traumatic experience with one of my siblings it effectively tore our family apart and I have had a lot of therapy to deal with it. I read a lot of comments about how important siblings are when parents die, but when my mother died 2 years ago I can genuinly say my siblings provided very little support and my brother was a source of a lot of extra anxiety. I actually found myself quite resentful of my sister who turned up just in time to organise the funeral after they had all left me alone to be there with my dad at her bedside everyday.

My own experience is one of the many reasons I won't be having another child. I though I recognise this is my issue and many people have very supportive relationships with their siblings.

I have an older brother, wish I was an only child, he's a thorn in my side

Same, he always resented my existence and was horrible to me growing up.

I have an only, he's a happy easy going wee soul. Life with one is good.

I was an only child for 12 years. Then my mum had a baby and I'm now a big sister to a brother who is my absolute world. I don't have kids if my own.. And I don't feel like I could love any one more than him. He's my baby and I would move heaven and earth to protect him.. Even though he's now a teenager

I have 2 older brothers and an older sister. Growing up I couldn't stand my oldest brother because he was a pompous git! Then he went to university and became more tolerable!
All 4 of us are really close and have learnt to tolerate each other's foibles. My sister is my best friend. Some of our social life overlapped and we spent most of our teenage years hanging out together.
There have been 'fallings out' over the years but nothing that a bit of space and calm couldn't solve. I think the worst was when my sister was envious of me getting married but overall it was short lived.

I have 3 teenagers who rub along nicely. Stereotypically, the middle one gets on with both but no.1 and no.3 can be tricky although they are getting better.

I have two DBs and we are very close. The odd argument growing up, but we are very protective of each other. I can hand on my heart say they are my best friends.
My DH is one of four and he is very close to his eldest DB in particular, and gets on very well with the others.
I have DSs they bicker, but are very close.

My Mum was one of 8, my DHs Dad one of 10!
And not surprisingly not everyone got on.
My DHs Mum was an only child and had a very happy childhood.

Im the middle of three sisters. My youngest sister has disabilities and we get on well. My older sister is 10 years older than me and is a nightmare. Leapt from one disaster to another in her life, totally selfish, alcohol dependant and I have distanced myself greatly from her and her issues as I have been trying to help her and deal with her shit for over 20 years now