AIBU to say no to childcare when I work FT

[CathyODermie]

I work FT, my DH has retired. We have an 8yo DS. My DH has decided to become a governor at our DS's school. All very good, but the meetings have been set for 4.30-6.30pm. I can work from home roughly once a week. My DH is asking me to take care of DS while he goes to the governors meets. These meets are getting quite frequent. My son doesn't need a lot of looking after at his age, but I'm still interrupted if I'm his 'go to' when I'm trying to focus on work. AIBU to ask my DH to make provision for our DS if he is committing himself during my working hours, whether I am at home or not?

I can see both sides.

Is there an after school club at school he could go to?

Or could he pay you back those hours in the evening - ie you work 9-4.30, then take a break of two hours, then he comes back and gives you 6.30-however long you need to finish your work?

Unless the meetings are more than once a week, then he is definitely being unreasonable.

The OP doesnt need to organise anything!

I'm a school governor, and for a long time we had sub-committee meetings at 4.30 to allow staff to attend. I grumbled about it from the start, since in order to be sure of getting there on time I had to leave work at 3 at a time when I normally left at 7, so it was a pain in the neck. I always think that, given that school governors are volunteers, their convenience needs to be considered just as much if not more than that of staff members.

Fortunately we reached a point when a number of governors were moaning even more than I was, and meetings were moved to 5.30 and then 6.30, which is much easier to deal with. Your husband needs to try to push for something similar.

January I work from home. I too keep similar hours to what u would do in the office. It would be a good day if I finished before 8. I'm not a martyr - those are normal hours in my profession!

it seems to be split in favour of IANBU.
To fill in a few gaps. I had always been the main breadwinner until our DS came along. We agreed that I would be a FT SAHM for the early years. Then I worked PT while my DH worked FT. He was quite senior public sector. Prior to my DS I was senior management global corp.
When I worked PT with young DS and my DH worked FT, I did everything childcare related. I never asked my DH to wfh or commit while his was supposed to be working. I always, without fail, covered off childcare if I needed to do something. Most of all I didn't ever commit to anything that needed my attention if it meant relaying on my DH to look after our DS in work hours. I simply said "I can't commit to that". And to answer the comment "surely you don't work much beyond 4:30 anyway". My official hours are until 6pm and as mentioned by PP, I am senior management and have to work the job rather than the hours. I certainly don't finish at 4:30pm. My real problem here is that my DH isn't trying to get childcare for our DS (in the form of tea at a friends for example, not paid necessarily). He could easily make an agreement with one of his class room friends that they have our DS one every couple of weeks on the scheduled governors meets and my DH could reciprocate with their child the other weeks. The governors meets are normally scheduled in advance. So why leave it until Monday of this week to ask me to cover childcare on Weds of this week?? My bugbear here is that I am the default option, when I should be the emergency option. When I wfh I have to work. And that's not in inverted commas. I have a stressful and very busy role that I am expected to deliver on. An option of course could be to take a break at 4:30pm for a couple of hours and then my DH can take over again while I return to work. But the meetings always overrun and so I would be sitting at my PC at about 7:30pm to work for 2 hours. I am exhausted at the end of the day and find it hard to concentrate.
My point here is that I work FT and he doesn't, he doesn't work at all. Is it unreasonable to ask that my DH consider other options as a first line rather than asking me first off?
I would rather the governors meetings were later so that I could finish work and then take over. I do every single night and my DH gets his down time at the weekend. He goes to the gym, he goes out with friends, I spend a lot of time with my DS at the weekend. I need to concentrate on work in the week. My DS does not need much attention no. But it would be better if he weren't there and interrupting me when he wants something. He's an only child and so he does like to interact. It's hard to tell him to go away and come back later, it pulls on my conscience.

My bugbear here is that I am the default option, when I should be the emergency option. I agree. Tell him that.

Yeah, it's unreasonable of him not to at least TRY to sort some alternative childcare, definitely.

He is being u to ask you with two days notice

So, basically he's following the 'old' routine, in which you were available for childcare because you either didn't work or were working PT. He needs to realize that the positions have changed and that HE is now the default childcare. And that just as you didn't expect him to take off work and sorted in yourself if you needed childcare, so now must he sort childcare for himself. Just as you did.

I think you need to point out to him that you are now the 'working parent' and he is now the 'SAHP'.

When do you get your downtime? He has weekends, when do you have? X

YANBU OP. He should organise childcare.

How is he with housework?