AIBU to say no to childcare when I work FT

[CathyODermie]

I work FT, my DH has retired. We have an 8yo DS. My DH has decided to become a governor at our DS's school. All very good, but the meetings have been set for 4.30-6.30pm. I can work from home roughly once a week. My DH is asking me to take care of DS while he goes to the governors meets. These meets are getting quite frequent. My son doesn't need a lot of looking after at his age, but I'm still interrupted if I'm his 'go to' when I'm trying to focus on work. AIBU to ask my DH to make provision for our DS if he is committing himself during my working hours, whether I am at home or not?

[RogueStar01]

i can't for the life of me understand why he can't take your 8 yo DS to the meetings and leave him outside with his homework or an iPAD (assuming confidential issues are being discussed at the meetings and that there's a secure area DH can be left in).

[AcrossthePond55]

How did it work when he was working? Were you a SAHM or worked PT? Is he just used to you being the default one to always take off when DS was ill?

He needs to sort childcare. He should not expect you to take off to facilitate something he wants to do.

[Piratefairy78]

YANBU. I'm a school governor and we wouldn't think anything about someone bringing a child and having them in the room next door at your DSs age.

[Bobochic]

Your DH needs to find a babysitter for your DS when he goes out.

[Monkeyface26]

I have worked from home for almost 4 years, since my younger dc was 7.

My husband works full-time outside the home. My 'lunch-break' is actually 40 mins at the end of the school day to do the school run and issue a snack and then the rule is play quietly until 6pm ish when I stop & cook. I think your son could learn to play quietly, pop his head round the office door if he really needs you and wait silently if you are on a call.
He is 8. Unless he has special needs, this is not too hard for him to manage. You are not even expecting him to do it every day, just a few times a month.

I don't think you are BU but it would be a lot more reasonable to support your DH with his wish to get involved at school and have an interest outside the home. I spent a long time as a sahm and I would have loved my husband's support to do something like this.
I think this is a DS issue, not a DH issue.

[deblet]

YABU. Meetings are not that frequent and he is your child too. Why would you want to pay for childcare and put him out of his home ? Train him to realise that this is playtime without interrupting you set him up with snacks etc. Your DH needs some time out of the house and this is an excellent way to do it.

[NapQueen]

How frequent is frequent? And what time would you normally be at home after work?

Could he do reciprocal play dates with another parent?

[PurpleMinionMummy]

I don't think he is being unreasonable if he's only asking you to do it once a wk. It's all about teamwork is it not?

If ds is capable of sitting outside the meetingbroom at school (I'm not convinced all schools would allow this?) he can sit quietly in his own home for the same amount of time.

[EweAreHere]

I used to be a Governor when I was a SAHP.

Your husband is being unreasonable. He needs to arrange childcare for meetings if you are working. He is retired. He is the SAHP. He needs to sort it, not look to you to do it just because he's a 'man'.

[Caterina99]

I'm a sahm to an 18 month old. And I do voluntary work as well, although usually it's evenings or when my DS goes to nursery. Occasionally the times don't match up. It depends on how often these meetings are, but I would ask my DH to look after DS if it was once a month or less, but obv if he had an important meeting or something then I'd have to organize other childcare. If it was weekly then I wouldn't expect him to help.

However my DS is a toddler. Totally different from an 8 year old. How is your 8 year entertaining himself with a book or iPad outside a governors meeting any different from him doing that at home? Presumably he will be told not to disturb his dad unless an emergency so can't he be told that at home?

[JsOtherHalf]

I've had DS sat outside a classroom for up to 2 hours when I've attended similar meetings in achool.
I take him a snack, a drink, and his e reader.
He was a similar age to your DS when this started.

It is up to your DH to sort this out, not you.

[Permanentlyexhausted]

I think YAB a little U.

Volunteering as a school governor isn't about going out on a jolly every couple of weeks. It is a responsible position that requires a degree of work and preparation. I would view it as a really positive thing if my DH was keen to be that involved in my children's education.

As PP have said, at 8 years old your DS should be capable of entertaining himself for 30 minutes while you work, so it should make no difference whether that's at home or in another room at the school. Home would be easier I'd imagine though as the entertainment is already there.

Assuming you do say no, will you be sorting childcare so your DH can do his prep for the meetings at home uninterrupted?

[JanuaryMoods]

YABU not to support your DH's work for the community. 8 year olds can entertain themselves for an hour or so. Surely you don't work much beyond 4.30 anyway?

[TheMysteriousJackelope]

As other people have suggested, your DS is old enough to sit outside the meeting with a book or iPad to keep him occupied.

Your DH may find other governor's have a similar conflict with childcare. When the PTA board of DD's school meets, the older children of the PTA board members look after the younger ones in a nearby classroom. Maybe this could be a babysitting opportunity for another governor's child?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Surely you don't work much beyond 4.30 anyway? and this wins the award for most naive (being kind here) comment of the week!

YANBU

Working from home means working at home, not being at home and fitting a bit of work in when you can. Its a common problem when WFH, people assume that you are available for all sorts, forgetting that you are still being paid to do your job and perform to certain standards!

I wouldnt ask DH to finish work 2 hours early every week so I could go to meetings like that, and that is essentially what he is asking you to do. Maybe phrase it like that when you talk to him about it and he might understand it better.

What did he do pre retirement?

[myfavouritecolourispurple]

Can 't really see the issue. DS is 8 and it's for 2 hours. Can he not entertain himself for that time? I've worked all day with mine around at that age - not very often, but sometimes needs must. As long as you don't have conference calls that they might interrupt, it's fine. Bribery with TV and a chocolate biscuit.

[motherinferior]

You're working. He needs to sort childcare.

[JanuaryMoods]

Surely you don't work much beyond 4.30 anyway? and this wins the award for most naive (being kind here) comment of the week!

DH used to work from home on a regular basis. He kept office hours. 8.30 - 4.30. So not naïve at all. Work the same hours as you would in the office, seems logical to me. Unless you want to be a martyr.

[myfavouritecolourispurple]

I also think I may have taken my ds to a governor's meeting at least once.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Except January that many jobs, especially the higher up the ladder you go, require you to work hours that are not simply 9-5. You are expected to work to the job, not the clock. That is not being a martyr, but not being fired.

If you have never had a job like that then good for you, but many many people do espcially since the start of the crash when more and more people have not been replaced in companies so the remaining staff have to take on more work.

[BriefExclamations]

Sounds like a perfect wee babysitting job for a teen. If you are home then I'd look after him but if you are not your DH can get a sitter in. I don't see why this is a problem.

[choccyp1g]

At the (junior) school where I am governor, children (school age) of governors' do a combination of after school clubs, and reading/doing homework in the library.
Parents pop out sometimes to check them from the activity to the library, or hand them a snack., or tell them to be a bit quieter.
The children generally behave impeccably, because the head teacher is at the meeting as well.

[alltouchedout]

When I was a governor I could claim childcare expenses if necessary. Once I had to go to a meeting and DH had to stay at work late, so I arranged for the dc to go to ds3's normal daytime childminder and got the cost refunded to me. And when ds3 was tiny I took him to meetings in a sling. He was very good!

[blaeberry]

I am a SAHM. In the situation you describe I wouldn't be able to do it - not frequent enough for regular childcare, too regular for relying on friends for all dc especially considering after school activities. I would instead make representations to the school as it is a terrible time for nearly everyone apart from school management.

[trinity0097]

Can you not organise an after school play date?