To wish my 3 teenagers would just leave me the fuck alone ( lighthearted)

[Boolovessulley]

Before everyone piles in, yes I know im lucky to have had children. Yes I do love them.
No I wouldn't swap them.
But for the love of god I wish they would let me have some peace and just bloody once in a while BE REASONABLE.

They have used by bloody brand new bath towel( the only one I tried to keep for myself) and one of the fuckers has got bleach all over the fucker.

They've turned the heating on ( after I've turned it off) and I'm in bed naked sweating it's roasting.
Their response: it's not our fault you're going through the menopause! I'm not btw.

They are systematically eating everything in sight.
Then asking is there anything to eat? Followed by mum will you fetch me a drink when I'm sat in the living room!

They are draining the electricity board dry.
The wifi is being sucked into their rooms and Lord forbid that mother( the one who pays for everything) should have the audacity to ever want to a) use the wifi
b) watch networks
C) not make everyone including the teenagers multiple friends drinks when she is trying to do either a or b.

Oh and I'm a miserable, menopausal bugger if I say ' no you'd friends can't sleep over, yet again, because they do all of the above!

Grr.
Is it wrong to dream of the day they will have their own homes and I shall find peace?

Hahaha its all so true.

Now whilst I understand parents of toddlers find it hard to go to the loo in peace, why is it as a parent of teenagers I still can't?

As soon as my bum hits the seat one of them finds something vitally crucial to ask/talk about, so stand shouting through the door!

This after ignoring me for the rest of the day.

I can tell how annoyed DD is by how many words get the 'uh' treatment. She is the reason we didn't chose Noah as a name for DC4, can you imagine how confused he would have been thinking she was shouting his name all the time

Thankfully the 'like' phase was short lived here BiddyPop

YANBU. I have almost 4 teenagers ( 17, 16, 14 and 12). I empathise with the food issue (3 of mine are boys!). My youngest ds can go through a king size box of cereal in 2 days. My ds2 and ds3 came to physical blows last week over a pizza ! I am menopausal, tired and working full time.
I love my kids to bits but my heart sank a little when ds1 announced he was having a gap year ( but living at home) and deferring going away to Uni for a year as I thought the amounts of cooking and washing might decrease a bit with one gone .

oh and the whiny voices, and the silliness and messing about and dawdling, they really are just like toddlers - but in big lumbering bodies!

Feel for you all.

My two (20 & 17) are angels .... with black wings

Conversation with ds this morning while I drove him to his train for work, "what plans you got for the week?", reels off that I'm expected to cook tea for him and his gf tonight then tomorrow going to our gym (which is a good thing cos I've threatened to stop his membership), ....... how is gf getting into gym? ..... with "our" guest passes .... do you mean MY guest passes? .

Dd isn't as entitled or demanding as ds but does go from calm conversation to flouncing off shouting "you know nothing!", to which I mimic "I know nar-thing".

Constantly remind myself that this is natures way of ensuring I don't miss them when they do move out.

Doing this on my own a lot of the time as hubby works away, its bloody hard work, harder than when they were small because they read into things now have to chose my words and tone carefully which is difficult when all I really want to do is string the little sods up.

All sounds familiar.
DS2 tends to come home from school and have a whinge-fest - offloading all his complaints and whining about stuff to ME (if I let him). It really drags me down . Of course if I challenge anything then it's 'you just don't UNDERSTAND!' No, of course not, because I was never your age, was I?

I have three DDs aged 21, 18 and 14. So I have been doing teenagers for some years now and can not finished yet.

It is always just sooooo good to know that others out there go through this too.

DD1 and DD2 are through the worst now and pretty much human again. DD3 is still in the thick of it though. Only a few more years to go now.😀

*cannot be finished yet.

The worst thing about teenagers is the smell.

The boys smell like blue cheese stored in old sweaty socks, sometimes overlaid with throat-strippingly pungent cheap aftershave.

The girls smell of product: the saccharine synthetic combination of hundreds of mostly budget toiletries and cosmetics worn together. Often with a subtle undertone of blue cheese stored in old sweaty socks.

At weekends both kinds of teenager add the acrid scent notes of metabolised alcohol to their usual whiff (not at all scarred by my nephew's last visit, oh no, not at all).

Bah, don't do teenagers ( and mines only just started!)

DS's biggest crime to date.... needing to take a wooden spoon into school - something to do with drumming with it.

Drawer full of manky IKEA cheapys and which does he choose? My pissing expensive - now discontinued- pampered chef spoon

I often have little daydreams and musings about history and time travel when I'm on my own and wonder about times in the past where the age of death was much lower and teenagers would have gone into battle and ruled countries etc.

At first I thought- perhaps we were all more mature back then, but then I remembered all the brutal and bloody wars and thought nah , some of these kings and queens were definitely moody hormonal teenagers.

Yes to the lights left on and the door unlocked.
I also get the conversation through the bathroom door when I'm wanting to go to the toilet.
I also get followed into the bathroom when I'm about to have a shower.

I also get asked where things are when I'm in the shower.
Things that belong to the dc, things they should have put away.

They've stopped asking where the tomato ketchup is 🙄
That was a favourite which went alone the lines of:
Do we have any ketchup mum?
Yes
Where is it?
In the kitchen cupboard.
Which cupboard mum?
the one where it always is, where all the sauces are kept, next to the plates.
But which one?
The wall cupboard next to the fridge, next to where the plates are kept.
Yeah but which one?
Open the cupboards and look!!
It's not like we live in a mansion with 96 bloody kitchen cupboards.
It's the same cupboard it always is.
It's the same as the last time you asked and if i have to get up and come onto the kitchen I'll throw if in the bin so that will end the issue 😤😤😤

Bio, I get that sort of thing too.

I have taken to telling them that if they can't find it then they just can't have it.

The one thing I have asked my 13 year old to do tonight is sort his p.e kit, so far I have heard banging, raised voices, hoovering, and he has come into the bathroom to ask where a scrubbing brush is (under the sink like all cleaning stuff) -given that I washed the clothes when I found them in a ball on the floor down the side of the sofa, I'm guessing this is trainers related.
The latest additions to his emotional repertoire are indignant and belligerent and we are working on facetious. I'm over qualified in exasperation already. 😍.

Perhaps I should make some signs for the kitchen cupboards now - ketchup in here, snacks here, this is fruit....

Oh I HAVE GOT THE RAGE NOW. DS1 has gone out with his girlfriend -having done precisely NO schoolwork since the weekend - and left his room in a mess when he knows damn well the cleaner is coming tomorrow. I am leaving it in a mess and have left a note for the morning telling the cleaner to miss out his room. As it is only done fortnightly, that would have been the first time this year.

He and his brother share a bathroom, and towels. I am NOT PICKING THEM OFF HIS FLOOR ANY MORE. I don't see why his brother should take the consequences of damp towels, so I will get him some fresh ones out that are a different colour and they can be his, DS1 can have the festering ones until it occurs to him to wash them. Which it won't. And I don't give a shit.

So much for dry January. 🍷🍫