To wish my 3 teenagers would just leave me the fuck alone ( lighthearted)

[Boolovessulley]

Before everyone piles in, yes I know im lucky to have had children. Yes I do love them.
No I wouldn't swap them.
But for the love of god I wish they would let me have some peace and just bloody once in a while BE REASONABLE.

They have used by bloody brand new bath towel( the only one I tried to keep for myself) and one of the fuckers has got bleach all over the fucker.

They've turned the heating on ( after I've turned it off) and I'm in bed naked sweating it's roasting.
Their response: it's not our fault you're going through the menopause! I'm not btw.

They are systematically eating everything in sight.
Then asking is there anything to eat? Followed by mum will you fetch me a drink when I'm sat in the living room!

They are draining the electricity board dry.
The wifi is being sucked into their rooms and Lord forbid that mother( the one who pays for everything) should have the audacity to ever want to a) use the wifi
b) watch networks
C) not make everyone including the teenagers multiple friends drinks when she is trying to do either a or b.

Oh and I'm a miserable, menopausal bugger if I say ' no you'd friends can't sleep over, yet again, because they do all of the above!


Grr.
Is it wrong to dream of the day they will have their own homes and I shall find peace?

[BigSandyBalls2015]

I understand your upset over the towel.

I find that I can put up with lots and lots and something relatively small will tip me over the edge ....... yesterday morning it was finding my comb was missing from chest of drawers. Both DDs denied any knowledge and I was raging ..... piss taking parasites ..... nothing is mine anymore ..... I'm locking my bedroom door .....

They looked at me in amazement, didn't understand at all. "Mum, seriously, chill, it's a comb", exchanging worried looks at one another .... 'is she having a breakdown'.

[GeorgeTheHamster]

😄 at Sandy. What IS IT with the lights?

And even if they do remember the lights at bedtime (they're getting better at this, though at no other time), the hit rate on having the door locked if they are out when I go up to bed has never got past 50%. And the same for the alarm. I mean it's nice they feel safe in their home and don't worry about burglars and all. But it's NOT A GOOD IDEA.

[Gameboy]

I share your pain...

Each family member has a plastic box in the utility room into which I put their clean laundry. They are supposed to collect it and put away. Sometimes I am kind and leave it in their room for them.

DS2, this morning, shouts "Muuuum, I haven't got any clean socks..."
I look in laundry room and there are no boxes there at all.
I go into DS2's room and there are FOUR boxes of his clean laundry stacked in the corner! I wondered where everyone else's boxes had gone

[Mamia15]

I feel your pain - yy to lights left on, no hot water, messy bathrooms, floor-robes and as for the front door - if I'm out, rather than lock it, they bolt it, cue me trying to alert them despite their loud music to get them to open the bloody door!

I half jokingly said to someone whose DC are still small that I'm looking forward to my teens leaving home, she was horrified...

[Serialweightwatcher]

Same here - doing my nut in ..... clothes all over floor (which their dad is also a culprit twat for) - mud everywhere because they can't wipe their feet when they come in - towels either left on beds!!!!!! or on the floor with everything else - lights on all the time - coming in front or back doors and not shutting them even when it's like Siberia ... asking eldest to come in quietly whilst everyone asleep but bangs the door so I nearly jump out of the bed - asking me to get them a drink/food constantly. I don't mind the usual meals but half an hour later you get the whining "I'm hungry" so I now tell them to get it themselves if after dinner and they're so lazy they can't be bothered

[BiddyPop]

Can I place an order for a Teenager Barrel [TM]?

I have an 11 yo, going on 20, and I have always threatened to move out when she became a teenager due to how DH and herself interact.

Last night, I was trying to work on paperwork for a school committee, and also had work to do on Scouts paperwork (both urgent this week) - I almost walked out of the house at 9.30 due to the yelling between them both......

There is a reason why MY work never gets done and it is DH who can work at night while I do homework, dinner, (DH often does washup in fairness) and getting DD to bed before organizing for tomorrow....it's JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE!!!!

[like7]

Love this - my DH and I are sat laughing at all these stories that ring true with us. Sometimes we despair with our 3 teenagers and don't feel so bad when I read this! I honestly so look forward to when they have left and I get a bit of space for me and then feel really bad wishing that. I have decided only to buy nice things when they've gone as fed up of everything being spoilt - rings on wooden coffee table because they won't use coasters, hair dye all over the bathroom and towels, no recognition that food should be shared and not just taken. We have taken to locking stuff away that we don't want them to touch including all the alcohol!

[Shodan]

My ex-teenager, who is currently in his final year at uni, rang me the other day to tell me he is considering doing a Master's as he's "not ready to leave uni yet."

I strongly suspect this may have something to do with the fact that during the Christmas holiday I may have had a rant of epic proportions after he slopped tea on the worktop for the umpteenth time and when he had it politely pointed it out to him, saw fit to argue about it for half an hour rather than just, y'know, mop the bloody thing up.

[TitaniasCloset]

I need more stories of obnoxious teens! This thread is cheering me up immensely

[chocolatemonster]

The bathroom - I swear that none of the toothpaste goes on their sodding teeth as it's splattered all over the sink and tiles!

[Datun]

YY to wet towels, lights, inability to lock up, profound procrastination etc.

My two DS (18 and 22) are always 'starving'. I take the food off the stove, put it on the worksurface and reach in the drawer to get a serving spoon. During that time DS2 will be opening the fridge door scanning the contents.
Me (pointing): Um, dinner is here.
DS: Yeah, just seeing if there's something I can have right now.
Me: What, quicker than actually just taking it a step to the right??

[HaloOnFire]

I have one teen (19) and one fully grown who I managed to get rid of once but then bloody came back! (23, relationship broke down)

I did have a screaming shit fit on Sunday afternoon where I stood in the kitchen like a deranged fishwife and screamed "I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING MAID!!" In my defence I felt like shit, had done a never ending pile of ironing and spent a good hour re-cleaning a bathroom 19 year old supposedly cleaned the day before.

None of the 4 adults (and I include DH in this) are capable of emptying a bin (I have joint problems and physically can't). I childishly started to prove my point on day 3 by lobbing rubbish on the kitchen floor.

19 year old eats, leaves dishes in sink and buggers off. They are now placed into a washing up bowl to await her return.

23 year old is incapable of putting shoes away and has a fetish for leaving empty drinking glasses at various points around the house.

DH seems to think that the top of my lovely fireplace is the perfect place for his empty crisp packet.

DD has lovely pillar box red hair. Ergo my bathroom grout, shower cap, side of bathroom bin, bathroom sponge, expensive hand soap and side of bath are also red with liberal splashes to the walls.

The words 'Your dinner is ready' shouted up the stairs seemingly cannot be understood by anyone between the ages of 14 and 24.

Love em dearly, but some days I could throttle em.

[SenseiWoo]

You lot need to go on a 'Parent Like A West African' course.

[QueenLaBeefah]

My 15yr old can spend hours and hours in his room ignoring the entire family, however, the minute he deigns to grace us with his presence he thinks he can just demand 100% attention.

He knows absolutely bloody everything.

Faffing and procrastinating are his specialty

Never any good in the house.

[GeorgeTheHamster]

How do we parent like a west African please??

I've given up shouting dinner is ready and bought a bell to ring instead.

[like7]

Yes, i have a bell too!

[myusernamewastaken]

I have 3 also...aged 19...18 and 13 and am a single mum....the older 2 are boys and spend every spare minute at the gym....they do not stop eating and analyse everything i cook for its protein content....they descend on the fridge like a plague of locusts after ive done a food shop....

[wigglybeezer]

My 18 year old is joining the Royal Navy in about 8 weeks, apparently he will miraculously be able to clean tidy, wash and iron and organise himself as soon as he leaves home . i only hope he can because i don't want him back until he is civilised and there has been very little evidence of these skills on display up 'til now.

[wigglybeezer]

I will have a 12 year old and a 16 year old left but they are comparatively tame.

[SenseiWoo]

1. From a static position. You didn't have children so you could do all the fetching and carrying yourself. When you were small you had to walk 15 minutes to get water, what's the big deal with going to the kitchen to make your old man a cup of tea?
   

1. Peremptorily: 'Bring it'; 'Go now!'; etc. Anyone who finds this too abrupt can lump it: it is a direct translation from your mother tongue. Whinging is dismissed with a wave of the hand.
   

1. Majestically. There is no negotiating. You make pronouncements, like Moses. As you have spoken, so shall it be.
   

1. Fiercely. Any demur or cheek is met with loud declamations of condemnation. All threats are carried out should it become necessary.
   

1. Unselfconsciously. You don't care what anyone else thinks, you are doing your duty as a parent. If that means a public dressing-down that has your teen squirming, so be it. Parents should be respected. Teen culture-what's that? No, of course you can't go out, do your homework.
   

See most Stephen K. Amos comedy routines for further details.

[celebnews]

There is so much advice on the under 5s eg the naughty step etc, when your children get to teens and going through so many changes in their bodies, it really hard to know what to do. The tantrums are so much worse and as for mood swings well thats a different story.

[SecondaryQuandary]

SenseiWoo - I ADORE that!

[Notso]

Yes on the attention demanding QueenLaBeefah

After numerous attempts to engage with DD I try one more time, "Come downstairs for a bit DD, I'm watching blah film"
"Nah"
"Come on, haven't seen you all day"
Nah, I'm busy"
"Ok if your sure"

"So you know that top I liked well Kim's bought it so I think I'll get the green one but do you think green goes with those jeans?"
"yes, you suit green"
"Yeah but that green, Mum...anyway I can't believe Kim even bought that one she knew I liked it...it's mean innit...Muum"
"Yeah, I'm trying to watch this though DD"
"Oh...who's he?"

"Did you see that thing I tagged you in?"
"No DD I've been watching this"
"just trying to make conversation, I've been stuck in my room all day-uh"
"Did you do that homework?"
"Uh, God-uh, all you ever talk about is homework"

"Minging, do you have to watch this...it's practically porn..urgh your so gross"
"Put the kettle on it's be finished in a bit then you can show me that top again'
"Homework, make a brew that's all you ever say, I spend all day in my room ON MY OWN-UH then come down to speak to you and your just nagging me"
"I've been asking you to come down all day"
"I know your always pestering me"

[GeorgeTheHamster]

ON MY OWN-UH

[BiddyPop]

At least you're getting "on my own-uh" grunts

Here everything is "on my own like. Then she said, like, that the thing she hates most is, like, the thing that I really love the most, like, how can THAT be true, like".....with a lovely lilting uplift on each "like", like....