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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to decline a gift

95 replies

motherofthemall · 15/01/2017 21:23

My parents have very generously offered to buy me an expensive watch for my 30th birthday. I am delighted and really would like it. However, i know that my husband will be annoyed, he often gets grumpy when i get expensive gifts and calls me spoilt and that i don't need such things etc etc.

OP posts:

WhatchaMaCalllit · 16/01/2017 08:52

I love watches. I have a few but they are all 'fashion' watches. Look expensive but aren't. I've see the prices of the Omega Constellation range and even the cheapest of that range is still £1500 or so. They obviously hold their value as there are some 'pre-owned' versions on the Goldsmiths website and they aren't cheap. If your H gets tetchy about you getting such a valuable gift would you consider asking your parents to get a different luxury brand watch and putting the rest of the money towards a gift voucher for a weekend break away somewhere? Take the sting out of the tail if you will??

This is particularly nice and it is a Raymony Weil:
www.watchshop.com/ladies-raymond-weil-noemia-24mm-diamond-watch-5124-stp-00985-p99961217.html

Yoarchie · 16/01/2017 09:06

Fuck me, that's a beautiful watch, even though I don't even like watches
will your dh really know how much it cost or will he just think oh it's a watch?
It's nice your parents want to buy you something really nice that you want for your 30th.
Do you have kids with Mr Grump? If not, easier to divorce now than when you do.
I think you should get the watch

NavyandWhite · 16/01/2017 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

motherofthemall · 16/01/2017 12:02

Thanks for all the replies. My parents are generous and have bought me nice things In the past (LV purse and a holiday) Mr grump is 12 years old than me and We have 2DC, 3 years and 4 months. If we didn't, I would have left by now.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2017 12:10

I am so sad for you mother, he sounds jealous. Even if finances are short, its a gift from your parents to you, on your special birthday, that has nothing to do with finances. Any man worth that salt would absolutely be fine with you receiving gifts from your parents. It is telling, that if it was not for the kids, you would not be together now!

MuseumOfCurry · 16/01/2017 12:14

Good grief. Maybe for your 30th ask your parents to help you financially when you leave him instead?

A good watch is essential, but less so than a good life.

Hissy · 16/01/2017 12:14

Get the fucking watch!

He's awful. You know that this marriage will come to an end sooner rather than later as he will increase his joy sucking to the point where it'll affect your children.

If you have a good standard of living together, you will be able to live separately and raise your children in a healthier environment without this horrible man in it

My ex hated seeing me happy, my parents too can't seem to bear it either. I'm well shot of the lot of them. Life is so much better.

sj257 · 16/01/2017 12:19

What on earth?! Of course you shouldn't decline a gift you would love to pacify him!

LagunaBubbles · 16/01/2017 12:23

We have 2DC, 3 years and 4 months. If we didn't, I would have left by now

Youre basically saying you are staying for the sake of your children? Never a good reason to stay in a relationship thats not working. Sooner or later as Hissy says it will affect your children.

ladyratterley · 16/01/2017 12:25

What a dick.

Your parents sound like my parents. I'm very lucky and they occasionally spoil me with lovely gifts for special milestones. I know they take pleasure in it so I would never turn down a gift, especially if it was something I wanted!

My partner sometimes ribs me that I'm spoilt but it's good natured. If he was actually arsey about it I'd be having words with him
Is he trying to drive a wedge between you and your parents?

Accept the lovely watch & do what Lelly said!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 16/01/2017 12:29

He often gets upset when you get expensive gifts and calls you spoilt.
Its your 30th Birthday. How is it spoilt to receive a gift from your parents.
Also its not like the money is coming out of his pocket.

EatsShitAndLeaves · 16/01/2017 12:35

Quite frankly it's none of his business what presents your parents choose to buy you.

If he was a nice person he would say "that's such a lovely present, that watch will look lovely on you".

Honestly he sounds like a joyless cockwomble.

KinkyAfro · 16/01/2017 12:40

Exactly eatsshit, it's none of his business and those people asking if the OP has financial issues...what does that matter, is she supposed to not get nice birthday presents from her parents because they might be a bit skint.

Accept the watch OP, fuck the DH off

Pettywoman · 16/01/2017 12:42

Accept the watch. If he pulls any guilt trip atmosphere tricks on you ignore, rise above it. Don't play the game, he'll hate that and hopefully stop if you aren't letting it get to you.

DH: Meh meh meh you're spoilt...
You: Yes lucky aren't I (change subject)

HelsBels5000 · 16/01/2017 12:46

What a total douche.
Time for a new start - embrace your 30s and make it the decade that you prioritise your own happiness - starting with accepting a gorgeous, meaningful present from your parents, and moving on from the joyless jealous prick you are currently shackled to.

aprilanne · 16/01/2017 13:34

i have 3 adult /late teen sons and we have bought them each there first cars .if i want to buy my child an expensive gift i bloody well will .not that my sons partners are the jealous type tell your hubby to grow up simples as a certain meerkat said

dowhatnow · 16/01/2017 13:46

You would have left by now if it wasn't for the kids! Can you seriously see you putting up with this for the next 18 years at least? Better to leave now whilst the kids are young, rather than in a few years when it will affect them much more psychologically. Or having them live in an atmosphere where they don't see a healthy relationship in action.

They are young. Use that present money to get out now. You will be doing the kids a favour in the long run.

ohfourfoxache · 16/01/2017 13:56

I'm sure others will have suggested the same thing by now, but forgot the watch and ask for the money for a divorce.

You're not even 30 yet, do you you really want to stay shackled to this "man"?

Lynnm63 · 16/01/2017 23:30

We have 2DC, 3 years and 4 months. If we didn't, I would have left by now

In light of that I'd ask my parents to pay for divorce proceedings instead. Staying for the kids isn't worth it, they pick up more than you imagine.

TheDowagerCuntess · 16/01/2017 23:50

No wonder your parents what to do nice things for you, married to a misery like that.

Turn the bad atmosphere on its head. Don't tolerate it.

Just say happily, 'yes, isn't it beautiful! I'm so lucky!' with a happy smile on your face. Completely agree with him when he says you're spoilt, 'yes I am rather, aren't I? Lucky me!'

Take the wind out of his miserable sails, and don't let him bring the atmos down.

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