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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to decline a gift

95 replies

motherofthemall · 15/01/2017 21:23

My parents have very generously offered to buy me an expensive watch for my 30th birthday. I am delighted and really would like it. However, i know that my husband will be annoyed, he often gets grumpy when i get expensive gifts and calls me spoilt and that i don't need such things etc etc.

OP posts:

PaulAnkaTheDog · 15/01/2017 23:21

Sorry missed your update. He's being a dick. His behaviour isn't fair. I couldn't understand feeling awkward at a partner's parents spending thousands on a present for them; is a massive amount of money for a watch. But his reaction is unfair.

AddictedtoLovely · 15/01/2017 23:22

Going against the grain. I wouldn't be happy if I was him, in a marriage of equals it seems unfair. But if he can afford to but himself equal at his bitthday happy days.

PotatoWaffleCob · 15/01/2017 23:25

Oooft! Accept the watch. Also your parents might want to buy their baby - you are still their baby - a lovely gift on such a big birthday. Why deprive them just because your DH is a big weirdo.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 15/01/2017 23:26

I've just noticed that he doesn't know they want to buy this for you yet and you're expecting his reaction based on previous issues? How often do your parents give you massively expensive gifts etc? It's clearly not just this once for a special birthday. Is there a bit more to it from your husband's perspective?

BuggersMuddle · 15/01/2017 23:42

I could kinda see his point if you guys were struggling (house in disrepair / can't afford to replace a broken boiler or whatever) because obviously if you had the cash you wouldn't prioritise it in that way.

But this doesn't sound like it's the case. They're not going to give you the cash; sounds like you don't need it so why would you refuse the gift?

Has he been given monetary gifts / bequests and spent them on joint stuff / essentials? I've been there and y'know it can grate (a fuckton, especially if you're the high earner who's sacrificing luxuries), but ultimately we can't control what our family choose to do re: gifts, wills, whatever and a watch? Meh. Not worth falling out over.

Topseyt · 15/01/2017 23:43

It is a lovely gesture from your parents. Accept it. They clearly want to do this for you.

Your DH sounds up his own arse, to be honest.

northernmonkey1010 · 16/01/2017 00:10

He sounds like a right douche bag get the watch and tell him to get over it

TwatteryFlowers · 16/01/2017 00:21

Get the watch take the battery out and set it to the time that you kicked him to the kerb as a reminder of the time you were set free
He doesn't get to dictate what other people give you as a gift and he doesn't get to make your birthday and special gift all about him and his wants & needs. The most be should say about it is, "That's nice. It suits you. I hope you like it."
The fact that your parents, who seem from what you have said to really care about you, didn't like him is really quite telling and you ought to be asking yourself, and answering truthfully, why they don't like him and whether he and your relationship is good for you.

Lucked · 16/01/2017 00:33

Definitely get the watch. What a horrible side to your husband, he should be delighted for you.

Preempt him and say

"My parents are getting me a watch for my birthday, from you I would like for you to try, really hard, to not be dick about it"

llangennith · 16/01/2017 00:43

Make your 30th birthday the day you decide to break free from the joyless git and get out and enjoy your life.
Wearing your new watch of course!

flossisboss · 16/01/2017 00:45

What kind of presents does he give you OP? Is he thoughtful? Generous? It's pretty mean of him to be sour about presents your parents give you.

BlueberryGateaux · 16/01/2017 00:49

Accept the watch, ditch the joyless, jealous knob.

flossisboss · 16/01/2017 01:00

This actually reminds me of a couple I know. They are approaching retirement and very comfortable financially. The DH invariably strops when their 3 grown up DCs give the DW lovely (often quite expensive) presents. This is because it highlights the fact that he is too mean and selfish to bother. He can always manage to buy himself the latest sports equipment for his hobby though. It's sad because he manages to ruin every special occasion with his sulking.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 16/01/2017 01:04

Definitely get the watch. Then if he makes any comments you can use it to make exaggerated, bored gestures towards. Tap it whilst rolling your eyes to add emphasis.

Cherryskypie · 16/01/2017 01:23

The watch will still be giving you joy when you turn 40. Will he?

Lynnm63 · 16/01/2017 01:28

The only possible reason he could be grumpy was if he wanted to buy you that watch for your birthday and your parents were stealing his thunder. If he just doesn't want you to have a nice gift then he's a nasty controlling twat.

bloodyteenagers · 16/01/2017 01:32

He needs to grow the fuck.
Maybe they are giving her gifts instead of cash because she is living with a miserable child who has tantrums. They give cash and to make things 'fair' she would be spending birthday money on him. Not a chance.

Gifts from others outside the home don't have to be equal. What should be equal is how finances and household stuff are split within the home. By saying things should be equal from outside influences this also means that if one person gets perks as part of their job, car for example they shouldn't accept because the other person doesn't have the same. That thinking is madness.

Peanutandphoenix · 16/01/2017 01:52

Accept the gift and show the over grown jealous child the door.

TheDowagerCuntess · 16/01/2017 04:12

You're 'dreading the atmosphere'?

Please say you don't have children with this man, and can extricate yourself reasonably painlessly from this joy-sucker.

LellyMcKelly · 16/01/2017 04:35

Every time he moans, look at your beautiful watch, given to you by your loving parents to celebrate a special event, and say, "Sorry, just checking when it's time for me to give a fuck".

AmeliaJack · 16/01/2017 05:00

As far as I can see there are only two legitimate reasons to be annoyed about a partners parents buying them a gift:

It's something that will actually cost you money (e.g. Maintenance and insurance for a car)

It's a large piece of furniture for the house that you don't like or haven't got room for.

Otherwise what possible objection could they have.

Megatherium · 16/01/2017 05:47

Tell him it really is time he grew up.

pithivier · 16/01/2017 08:18

It is so hard living with someone who sucks the joy out of every situation. You find yourself avoiding doing or saying things because the other person reaction turns a positive into a negative.

All you can do is accept the watch, accept that the problem is his and armour plate yourself against his sulking. I have taken years to learn not to share words or ideas with DP. To walk out of the room when he demonstrates negative body language and refuse to engage in conversations that ar stressful
.

londonrach · 16/01/2017 08:36

You have to accept it. My gran bought me an expensive watch in her eyes (£50 from next) for my 18th. Refusing it when she was on a pension would have hurt her alot. I did hint too much to spend on me as this was about 20 years ago so £50 was worth more.

Dh was bought a expensive watch by his grandad on his 18th from harrods (only time everything was bought there). Hes approaching 40 now and that watch is used daily. Value for money per wear. His grandad died before i meet dh so this watch means alot to him. As a result of his daily watch use at a very special point to us he bought me an expensive watch (no way as expensive as his but more than £50) before money got tight. I still wear it daily (grannys failed after 3 years but is safe in a box on my dresser with a few very special other items-worth nothing in money terms but everything in memories). I use it daily and value per wear its wiped it face. (No batteries). I have thought of selling it when weve struggled but i love it and what it represents. Dont decline your 30th birthday gift as in years to come you really appreciate it. We dont have anything else expensive in the house and resell i doubt they worth much. Happy birthday. Your 30s are better than your 20s!

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2017 08:52

Wow accept it, it's a lovely gift from your parents. My husband got a gold watch from his parents at graduation, it was over1k 23 years ago.

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