To not like weddings?

[TheDuchessOfKidderminster]

I can't be the only person who doesn't like weddings. I am constantly amazed at how much stress people put themselves under and how much money some people spend on them. It would be a bit more understandable if the resulting event wasn't so hideously dull half the time.

I'm getting married this year - small, family event. I'm not pinning all my hopes on it being the happiest day of my life or anything, just hoping it will be a fun afternoon for everyone. We're only doing it because it's pretty much a legal necessity, especially now that we have children together.

The last wedding I went to was DP's brother's just over a year ago. BIL ended up going NC with his close family because of the fallout from it. DP and I were partly to blame for that but we had a newborn baby and rather than being pissed because we got stuck in traffic on our way there and then left 'early' (after 9pm) I think he should be grateful we showed our faces at all. (I'm not asking if I'm unreasonable about that, as I'm not explaining the full circumstances.) That whole situation is ridiculous and was almost entirely caused by the stress BIL put himself under trying to organise the 'perfect' day.

I find the whole concept of marriage to be totally outdated and I'm surprised people still take it all so seriously. I find the 'bridezilla' threads on here totally fascinating as the behaviour is just so bizarre and alien to my POV. It just isn't something either my DP or I can get worked up about.

You don't like weddings and others love them. Swings and roundabouts really. I love a good wedding and have seen some rather bizarre fallouts.

I love weddings. Seems like you have quite low expectations of a marriage which is sad.

That's nice

Ah, that's romantic. If it's just a legal necessity why are you having a family event and hoping everyone has a fun time? Why not just sign the register and leave? If you really thought it was just a legal necessity that's exactly what you would do.

Seriously, why do you care what others do, you seem to be comparing yourself and being defensive about your choices for your wedding.

I'm a huge believer in marriage and the lifelong commitment.

I dislike a lot of weddings though. I love small intimate ones where the emphasis is on the vows and the day is short with the couple spending time with all the guests.

I hate large weddings where the bride has spent a gazillion days boring everyone with the details, frets about colour schemes, takes five hours to have pictures done, barely registers the guests and issues demands as to gifts and money. Those don't feel like a wedding day but a large party where the vows pale into significance. From experience, the marriages don't last very large no either.

I agree with bluntness - you and partner, registry office, borrow a couple of witnesses, job done.

If you dislike weddings, why have one?

I sat at my reception and realised everyone I cared about was in one room, I liked that.

Of course YANBU

As long as you are a pleasant guest, or simply politely decline any invitation, it's entirely up to you.

I love weddings, it's a great way to catch up with family and friends. Even if I don't know anyone, it's still lovely to spend time with my husband. I loved my own wedding, but I take the concept of marriage very seriously. You take time to think about spending the rest of your life with someone, you make a commitment and you make sure as much as possible that you agree on the most important things. People change, things change, but you can be honest and at least try from the start.
I wouldn't have had children without being married first, but that's the beauty of our country, we have a choice.

I disagree that marriage is outdated but I agree that some people's weddings have become insanely OTT. I really don't enjoy weddings but I find big social occasions, in general, really stressful and anxiety provoking.

I like being a wedding guest, provided that the bride and groom don't have any ridiculous demands like what I should wear, and if I'm not forced to stand around for hours waiting for stuff to happen.

But I couldn't bring myself to have a big wedding myself, the stress, the inevitable family fall out and interfering from MIL, and the expense, my god the expense and the planning and urgh no! Each to thier own though, if others want it all then fair play to them.

DH and I actually ran off in secret earlier this year to get married, to avoid the above. It was lovely and romantic and perfect for us.

I'm with your general sentiment but there are a million shades of weddings.

I really don't like spoiled bridezillas, just find them very sad/cringey.

Love a good wedding though.

For ours we had immediate fam at reg office, followed by lunch at our favourite local restaurant. Then back to my parents for drinks, cake, dancing (and later a small buffet) where a few more close family and friends joined (max 25 guests). Pulled it together in three months. Loved it.

YANBU - I don't like big weddings either. Hideously boring, and few of them are put together with any originality or imagination - identikit strapless wedding dress, identikit flowers, identikit twee stuff. Hours waiting round while the photographer does his stuff because having the usual stylised photographs is much more important than enjoying the day, of course.

Unless I have real reason to believe my presence would be missed amongst the hordes attending, nowadays I politely decline invitations.

I sat at my reception and realised everyone I cared about was in one room, I liked that.
I like that thought
I'm a big believer in the commitment of marriage and the religious aspect of it (even though I wouldn't be allowed to marry in church!) but I'd want to do it on a really small-scale, like me, partner, religious bod and witnesses as required. I don't understand why people spend thousands on a big do when they aren't rolling it and go all out for the "perfect" day. I'd rather go with OP's idea of a fun afternoon if I had to invite people.
I'm assuming that the OP feels obliged to have some sort of family event to celebrate her wedding day because of family expectations & it being easier to keep the peace that way!

*MIL still threw hissy fits though and generally tried to spoil things. Mainly because it wasn't about her and she wasn't in control. But there's usually at least one pain in arse for every bride and groom.

I've never been to a wedding I didn't enjoy.

I love weddings. I always enjoy seeing my friends get married.

I love the ceremony, it kind of reaffirms my DH and my vows. I feel slightly smug and happy that we are even stronger than on our own wedding day.

The booze and food is a nice extra

We're getting married because it would be stupid not to. DP didn't want random witnesses, so we asked our parents. DP's parents live on the other side of the country so I suggested we should hire somewhere for a small family get together and meal afterwards. It's the minimum I think we could get away with unless we did it completely in secret. Not that either of our families are all that fussed about weddings, but they seem to be looking forward to it anyway.

DP and I have been together since we met at university almost 20 years ago. We have two small children. For us, getting married isn't about love and commitment as we've got that already. So, it is essentially a legal necessity.

The last thing I want is an identikit big white wedding, which is why we're going for the minimal approach - registry office + small family get together.

Also I'm not religious, so that whole element is completely lost on me.

I had a big wedding in a country house with a big strapless dress and it was bloody brilliant. Each to their own OP.

Is it a legal necessity? You could get legal documents drawn up instead if you hate the idea of marriage so much. I love watching people I love get married. However I dislike the 3 hours of photos etc. If I ever get married I'll have just family and maybe a couple of close friends with a meal in a nice restaurant after but that's my preference. If I'm at someone else's wedding it is only right that it is to their preference.
I can't imagine any day beating my son being born as the happiest day of my life. But your wedding day should still be a joyous occasion with the person/people you love. No one will have a good time of you obviously aren't.

BIL ended up going NC with his close family because of the fallout from it. ... That whole situation is ridiculous and was almost entirely caused by the stress BIL put himself under trying to organise the 'perfect' day.

You don't really believe that, do you?

That your BIL ended up going NC with some of his family because he put himself under too much stress organising a wedding?

The family situation has to be pretty bad in the first place for that to be the result.

Each to their own, but I do think its a bit sad this element of keeping up with the joneses. My friend got engaged at the same time as me, and tried to start a bit of competative wedding planning - booking the date I had mentioned I wanted, discussing how many thousand the dress would cost, asking multiple bridesmaids etc. Thats not what I want and I didnt want to get swept up in it, so I took myself out of the race and got pregnant. (Friend is now desperately trying to get pregnant in time to have her baby before the wedding but thats another story!)

We will have a wedding when the time is right and not when i'm being goaded into a race, or who can spend most.

Yes I do believe that I t was all precipitated by the wedding, although there is obviously some background, which I'm not going into. Suffice it to say, BIL has 'issues' that all seemed to come to a head when he got married. Their family situation is quite normal - BIL is a twat & always has been.

(I should probably be more sympathetic but he's behaved appallingly so I'm not.)

haveacupoftea your friend is very odd and would appear to have issues that extend way beyond a wedding

Gosh, you're right OP, you are so much better than those other silly and superficial people. Do you want your medal by post, or will you be coming to collect it in person?