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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not like weddings?

77 replies

TheDuchessOfKidderminster · 15/01/2017 09:52

I can't be the only person who doesn't like weddings. I am constantly amazed at how much stress people put themselves under and how much money some people spend on them. It would be a bit more understandable if the resulting event wasn't so hideously dull half the time.

I'm getting married this year - small, family event. I'm not pinning all my hopes on it being the happiest day of my life or anything, just hoping it will be a fun afternoon for everyone. We're only doing it because it's pretty much a legal necessity, especially now that we have children together.

The last wedding I went to was DP's brother's just over a year ago. BIL ended up going NC with his close family because of the fallout from it. DP and I were partly to blame for that but we had a newborn baby and rather than being pissed because we got stuck in traffic on our way there and then left 'early' (after 9pm) I think he should be grateful we showed our faces at all. (I'm not asking if I'm unreasonable about that, as I'm not explaining the full circumstances.) That whole situation is ridiculous and was almost entirely caused by the stress BIL put himself under trying to organise the 'perfect' day.

I find the whole concept of marriage to be totally outdated and I'm surprised people still take it all so seriously. I find the 'bridezilla' threads on here totally fascinating as the behaviour is just so bizarre and alien to my POV. It just isn't something either my DP or I can get worked up about.

OP posts:

Sickofthisnow · 15/01/2017 11:20

Yes OP you really are above everyone else! Especially self absorbed bridezillas who dare to indulge their spoilt natures by organising a wedding. How vulgar. Your meal/ legal necessity sounds like it will be a barrel of laughs anyway so I'm sure you'll be able to come and gloat on here afterwards about getting away with the bare minimum. Congratulations.

CharlieSierra · 15/01/2017 11:23

Frankly if you genuinely wanted to gauge your attitude towards weddings against others you could have looked a some of the hundreds of other threads on the subject instead of starting yet another goady discussion. But since you didn't, YABVU, do what you want, don't presume to judge others. Having a small wedding doesn't give you the moral high ground or have any bearing on your marriage.

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 15/01/2017 11:28

I'm having a big wedding and I'm not done bridezilla bore. It's surprisingly easy to plan, if you know what you want and are organised. I'm not stressed at all and I only talk about it when people ask - which they actually do, a lot.

I agree that some people can be tiresome about their wedding plans, but I tend to find those people annoying anyway, whether they're getting married or not!

EnterFunnyNameHere · 15/01/2017 11:45

YANBU to feel like that, because everyone is allowed their own opinions.

I really hope you'll stop going to others people weddings though since you hate them so much. Better that the couple use their money to invite people who won't be spending their wedding day thinking the whole thing is a pointless, materialistic waste of money.

I think lots of people spend money on weird and unecessary things, but if it makes them happy then it's neither weird nor unnecessary to them.

MargaterCavendish

haveacupoftea · 15/01/2017 11:51

gardencentregroupie i know, that's not even the half of it tbh, I am cutting way back on contact now. She's a lovely girl but life is too short to maintain friendships with weird dynamics!

Nishky · 15/01/2017 12:09

I like the way you call big weddings 'identikit' and then go on to describe a wedding that is very common.

I hate to break it to you TheDuchess but you are having an identikit wedding too.

Sorry.

Gardencentregroupie · 15/01/2017 12:14

Ultimately, there really aren't that many ways to have a wedding. B&g turn up at church/registry office/designated premises, say vows and sign register along with witnesses. Usually, but not always, people then go for something to eat and drink. Often, but not always, then people go listen to music and dance a bit. Most people wear something nice, be it your good suit, a nice new skirt and top, or their traditional cultural 'wedding wear', because it's a formal occasion. Everything else is window dressing.

Original poster

TheDuchessOfKidderminster · 15/01/2017 12:29

It was a PP used the word identikit - I liked it as it summed up how I felt. And I'm not having a big white wedding - it's going to be a small colourful wedding with young children and our dogs running around the place.

And of course I wouldn't actually say these things to friends/family that were getting married. I'm a very diplomatic person IRL and so is DP. I just happen to not like typical big weddings very much and, aside from the legalities, don't really see the point of marriage if you're not religious. I accept that I'm (very much) in the minority in this opinion though

OP posts:

bittorrent123 · 15/01/2017 12:31

Have a wedding, don't have a wedding - do what you want.
Sometimes people have a larger wedding to ensure all their friends and family can come and because it keeps their parents happy.
I don't understand these people who are smug about their small or non wedding. Do what you want but don't look down on others for it.
I had a big wedding. People say things to me like "I don't want a big wedding like yours." Well don't then - I don't care but why make a comment!

SmokyRobinson · 15/01/2017 12:44

I'm with you op! We got married last year, also mainly for legal reasons (SAHP with one breadwinner, and 2 dcs, so marriage was a necessity, we felt). We had a lovely day with a small registry office ceremony, a lunch with family and witnesses and some drinks in the evening with friends. No wedding dress (but I did buy a new summer dress which I loved), not even invites tbh (just close friends and family, so we just invited them aling the way).
To my surprise I have really enjoyed being married though. After 15+ years of saying 'my partner...' when talking about DP, I love using 'husband' now.
But, as far as long term planning is concerned, nothing has changed. We were seeing each other as life partners before we got married, and that is still the same.
I do not believe you need to commit before the council/church/etc that you want to stay together for life. You make that commitment to each other (and yourself), and thats all that matters. Whatever way you want to do that (drawing it up at a solicitors office/ organise the day of your life/travel to Las Vegas, as lomg as it feels good, thats all that matters.

NicknameUsed · 15/01/2017 12:58

You sound like a bundle of laughs
I have never been to a typical OTT mumsnet wedding. As a result I enjoy weddings because they are an excuse to get far flung family members together to celebrate a happy occasion.

To me marriage represents commitment and is more than "just a bit of paper"

"I really hope you'll stop going to others people weddings though since you hate them so much. Better that the couple use their money to invite people who won't be spending their wedding day thinking the whole thing is a pointless, materialistic waste of money."

This ^^

If you don't like the concept of marriage why don't you just make watertight wills instead and let those of us who enjoy weddings and being married to it?

sonyaya · 15/01/2017 13:01

It's up to you if you enjoy weddings, same way it's up to you if you enjoy going to the football, or watching opera.

But you are coming across as very superior because you are having a run of the mill and very unoriginal small wedding, rather than a big one.

To me, my wedding day will be the most important day of my life so far. I make no apology for inviting lots of people and spending a fortune on booze for it. Anyone who won't enjoy coming can decline without it causing an issue. I fail to see how I'm harming anyone.

margaretcavendish - well said.

RachelRagged · 15/01/2017 13:25

You have already had your kids , so what is this legalities you keep going on about ?

Get married, don't get married, but your whole post comes across as somebody who thinks she is far superior to a lot

Also, you say you wouldn't say that in RL so assume you still go to the identikit weddings ??!

NicknameUsed · 15/01/2017 14:02

Rachel if anything happened to the OP's DP she wouldn't be considered next of kin unless she was married. She wouldn't be entitled to his estate or pension.

Nishky · 15/01/2017 14:07

Yes like may people before you op therefore identikit fits your wedding as much as it fits the weddings you sneer at. You haven't discovered a new way of doing things

Nishky · 15/01/2017 14:09

And you absolutely are not in a minority re yours views of marriage- why are you quite so desperate to be so?

derxa · 15/01/2017 14:56

Gosh, you're right OP, you are so much better than those other silly and superficial people. Do you want your medal by post, or will you be coming to collect it in person?
I had a massive identikit farmer's wedding. It was bloody great. Married for 30 years to a lovely man. Yes our religious vows meant something.
I love a good wedding.

sonyaya · 15/01/2017 15:02

nicknameused

He could always make a will.

Or just sign the register and get on with their day rather than have a highly original small reception.

DioneTheDiabolist · 15/01/2017 15:05

My dad doesn't like weddings, so he doesn't go to them. He thanks the person who invited him, tells them he will not be attending as he doesn't do weddings and bungs a couple of quid in a nice card for the bride and groom.

He and my mum had a very low key wedding. Just them, the priest, my aunt and his friend. Then back to my gran's for a celebrationary fry-up.

Pineapplemilkshake · 15/01/2017 15:06

Each to their own. I don't particularly like attending weddings either, but probably mostly as all the recent weddings we have been invited to are DP's cousins, who I barely know. He has a massive family and as he is the eldest sibling he tends to get invited to everything. We don't go and moan about it though, we usually just decline the invitation.

g1ng3rcat · 15/01/2017 15:06

YANB - I hate weddings too. I would have liked to have been married myself as I wanted the lifelong commitment bit, but don't feel I've missed out not having the whole meringue-wearing experience. If it makes you happy that's grand, but to me it would just not mean anything so given the choice I'd always go for the most low-key option. But then I'm not exactly a social butterfly, big gatherings where you have to do a lot of small talk etc make me cringe. Especially when you add in how a lot of them are just about showing off for so many people.

GloriousGusset · 15/01/2017 15:11

'I can't be the only person who doesn't like weddings'

On Mumsnet? No dear you're not. Disliking weddings seems to be a hobby for some people.

Titsalinabumsquash · 15/01/2017 15:13

I hate weddings, I don't go unless its immediate family and we eloped with just the kids so we didn't have to have one. Forced joviality is not my thing.

AthenasOwl · 15/01/2017 15:16

I'm another one who doesn't particularly like them. I eloped and had no guests and it was bliss!

Nishky · 15/01/2017 15:19

forced joviality

What sort of odd weddings do you go to

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