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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think of this as a worrying trend?

66 replies

Snugglepalace · 14/01/2017 18:57

Dh works for a large male dominated company of all ages.
One of the younger lads is a 23 yr old good looking jack the lad type.
He regularly has different girls on the go, booty call girls/fb etc. Which is fine it's what a lot of younger people do. But what worries me is that lots of these girls (who are only young, 17 to early 20's) send this lad naked suggestive photos to him. He then shows them round dh's work place. So these poor girls who will probably naively think they are exclusive to this lad have no idea that they are being letched over by a load of middle aged blokes.
This makes me cringe. These girls are someone's daughters. I have an 8 year old dd myself the thought of this happening to her in 10 years time turns my stomach!

OP posts:

Maudlinmaud · 14/01/2017 19:01

Your husband should speak to HR. That is unacceptable behaviour in the workplace.

WorraLiberty · 14/01/2017 19:04

It makes me cringe too.

But I'd be very surprised if these 'girls' (they're actually young women), didn't know there's every chance of that happening.

It's drummed into them in school/university and there's also every chance they'll know someone in RL who it has happened to.

Sadly some people tend to learn things the hard way, but what can you do?

ReasonsToBeModeratelyHappy · 14/01/2017 19:05

It must be a very old fashioned and informal workplace! There were pics of topless girls at the place I worked about 25 years ago, but the staff were being told times had changed her and it was no longer acceptable back then.

Magzmarsh · 14/01/2017 19:06

If they're under 18 it's an offence.

WorraLiberty · 14/01/2017 19:09

Not necessarily, Reasons.

Management are probably just unaware of what some people look at/share on their own phones during lunch/tea breaks.

ZouBisou · 14/01/2017 19:09

It's awful and vile of him to show them to other people, and stupid of him to do it at work.

But the women are stupid to send naked photos to him too. They obviously aren't in a relationship with him so have no reason to trust him. Photos are too easily shared in today's world, they need to wise up.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 14/01/2017 19:10

If they under 18 the girls and him are breaking the law.
As for this I don't think it is a new thing.

WorraLiberty · 14/01/2017 19:10

Yes, that's a good point about the 17yr old Magz

Whatsername17 · 14/01/2017 19:11

I teach sexting lessons to 15 year olds. There is nothing wrong with wanting to titillate your partner - boudoir shoots and the like have existed for years. I think its really important not to shame the young people who take the pictures. However, the consequences are never thought out and that invariably leads to problems. Itis troubling is the amount of young people who think naked photos are a requirement of a relationship rather than a choice. How easily the photos are passed round and ho they almost always end up on social media. It is hortific how idiots like the young lad you have described use them to earn street cred. For young people, it is scary how easily those photos can end up in the hands of pedophiles. It's also important to note that it isn't jut boys who ask for and pass on such photos.

CombineBananaFister · 14/01/2017 19:11

I don' think its 'jack the lad' behaviour, I think its pretty disrespectful. The balance really does seem to have shifted, the younger girls who I work with who won't enter into this kind sexting are having to use dating sites because they are single and that seems to be what is expected of them from guys they meet. It's really awful these lovely, intelligent human beings can't get a date because they aren't willing to enter into this kind of shit Maybe some are doing it because they want to and proud of their bodies but the ones I speak to feel pressurized to compete
You can't take these photos back once they are out there, its scary really.

WorraLiberty · 14/01/2017 19:11

Yes, that's a good point about the 17yr old Magz

WiMoChi · 14/01/2017 19:14

If he showed the wrong person at work, it could also be considered sexual harassment in the work place. What an idiot. I hope his knob falls off.

Rinmybell · 14/01/2017 19:18

I would encourage DH to report this to HR.
What him and the young women do in their own time is completely up to them but the show casing of their intimate pictures should not be shown too anyone else, let alone in a workplace.

WorraLiberty · 14/01/2017 19:19

Actually, I was speaking to my niece about this not so long ago.

She said the general 'rule' amongst most of her female friends, is to send headless shots only.

So as long as they have no tattoos or other visible identifying marks, she said they'd just deny sending anything.

OopsDearyMe · 14/01/2017 19:21

It's pretty disgusting that is apparently acceptable for this guys to treat women as he's doing anyway, without the pictures. Why is it acceptable to be so disrespectful in general, because he's a 'jack the lad type' When are we going to teach boys to be better men!

As for the pictures whose to know that these women are not being told they are this guys one and only, sounds the type to string a girl along to get such snaps to me.
It is also not someone I would want to work with, so yes I would tell a manager or HR.

Respect really is a lost convention 😰

OopsDearyMe · 14/01/2017 19:22

Worra that's terrible, how little respect for yourself do you have if it ends up being a shot of just anyone. When did we become so lacking non our own value?

Astro55 · 14/01/2017 19:22

My 12 has received dick pics and there is currently several girls cringing about nude pics they've sent to a boyfriend - it's round the school in minutes

It's child pornography if they are under 16 - it's illegal to send these pictures forward

My daughters are warned and warned again every time I hear of one of these photographs

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 14/01/2017 19:23

Whatsername17, I suspect some of the kids you're teaching roll their eyes at some of the language you use and feel like they've heard it all before.

I wonder if he's doing the same? This feels like the thin end of the selfie to me which is all about vanity and looking for approval. I can't stand the culture of attention seeking. I don't intend to sound victim blamey there but it doesn't take a genius to know that nude photos are going to be shown around.

TheDowagerCuntess · 14/01/2017 19:24

She said the general 'rule' amongst most of her female friends, is to send headless shots only.

That makes sense.

I only hope all the blokes under pressure from girls to provide naked shots do the same thing.

Except they don't need to worry about it, as this photo sharing lark is pretty much a one-way street....

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 14/01/2017 19:24

I think that women choosing to send nude pics of themselves and children being groomed into it are very different things by the way.

Maudlinmaud · 14/01/2017 19:27

Circulating these types of images at work could lead to dismissal. Urge you dh to speak out.

Maudlinmaud · 14/01/2017 19:27

*your

ClaryIsTheBest · 14/01/2017 19:29

Well, first of all, if he makes them think he's in a relationship with them and exclusive then he's cheating.

Showing pictures like that around is always wrong.

But at work? That's so not acceptable. DH should complain.

DreamingofItaly · 14/01/2017 19:33

I think your DH should take a stand with this lad and refuse to look at any pictures telling him how much he's disrespecting these young ladies who clearly trust him with sexual photos of themselves.

Someone needs to set an adult example here.

WorraLiberty · 14/01/2017 19:36

Worra that's terrible, how little respect for yourself do you have if it ends up being a shot of just anyone. When did we become so lacking non our own value?

I don't really understand what you meant there Oops?

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