Thanks DH...thanks a lot

[ShowMePotatoSalad]

So DH gets in from work (I've been at home with DS all day). I say I'd better go and get tea on for DH. My dad is here so I was just feeling a bit bad for trailing off to the kitchen when he's come here to see me and DS.

I'm dilly-dallying/talking etc and DH suddenly says "go on, get yourself in the kitchen". I feel really embarrassed that he said it, especially in front of my dad. I called him a knob and walked off.

I know he's been at work all day. I do all the cooking, and I'm fine with it. Just maybe don't talk to me like you bloody well own me.

Sorry, just need to rant.

I know it's not really the point, but definitely doing all the cooking is a much more time-consuming and brain-engaging job than taking the bins out and bringing them back once they've been emptied. Unless the latter involves a half-mile trek over rough terrain.

I speak as the bin-responsible person in this household. DP cooks the evening meal 7 nights a week. I know I've got the easier task!

(Disclaimer: other chores are available.)

OP, hope you've managed to have a fruitful conversation about the divvying up of jobs. And about anything else that's bothering you.

Seconds you're right. Why is it seen as 'help' rather than fairness? Is this just something that is ingrained in me to think...that it's all my responsibility and if I can get 'help' with it then that's a bonus?

I need to rewire my brain!

My husband does the shopping, cooking and the bins

Wasn't a very funny 'joke' op especially in front of your dad.

The bins are annoying, but I'd swap them for all cooking any day! Especially as you have to make a separate meal for your son.

Sorry, I know you've taken this on board, but it just seems outrageous! And his offer to do all laundry, and then never actually do it, so you took it back over! Similarly, washing up. So you do all cooking, childcare, washing up and laundry in exchange for him putting the bins out once a week? Does he clean?

Anyway I hope you guys resolve it. And go and chill out with your dad!

I think it depends on the 'meaning' and tone he used when saying it.

If dh said 'go on, get yourself in the kitchen' to me, i'd laugh and throw something at him because I know without doubt that he'd be taking the piss (and waiting to catch whatever I threw at him for saying it). It wouldn't bother me if he said it in company because the meaning from him would be the same.

If I thought it was a serious comment with a meaning of 'woman, you're not providing my meal quickly enough' there'd be bloody hell to pay. But only the op knows which is more likely.

ShowMe I think its ingrained in our culture, and only obvious when you notice it or it gets pointed out - as Mumsnet did for me - our roles shifted so much since having kids - how did that happen - and the assumptions about who organises childcare/shared lifts/party invites/emotional work. Even expectations for an equally satisfying sex life.

I hate hate hate taking the bins out. HATE it. I cook because I like to, DH does the bins. If he's late putting the bins out, I would probably say
"Oi, DH - go and do the bloody bins!" so I don't think I would take offence at him saying something to me if I had said I would do dinner and then was dithering.

HOWEVER, what matters here is that what he said did upset you, and how he's responded to it since. He's apologised so clearly gets that you were offended - now you need to think about how you move forward with a division of labour that suits both of you better.

What do people find so awful about taking bins out?

It beats me, diddl.

Whenever I read "DH sorts the bins", it always reads a bit 'Me Tarzan, you Jane' in my mind.

They're just bins.

God knows how some people got through the changing shitty nappies stage