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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thanks DH...thanks a lot

84 replies

ShowMePotatoSalad · 13/01/2017 16:52

So DH gets in from work (I've been at home with DS all day). I say I'd better go and get tea on for DH. My dad is here so I was just feeling a bit bad for trailing off to the kitchen when he's come here to see me and DS.

I'm dilly-dallying/talking etc and DH suddenly says "go on, get yourself in the kitchen". I feel really embarrassed that he said it, especially in front of my dad. I called him a knob and walked off.

I know he's been at work all day. I do all the cooking, and I'm fine with it. Just maybe don't talk to me like you bloody well own me.

Sorry, just need to rant. Angry

OP posts:
bummymummy77 · 13/01/2017 17:16

You do all the cooking AND wash up?!

I'm a sahm and we share the cooking equally. And the washing up.

Trifleorbust · 13/01/2017 17:17

Just tell him you want to split the cooking from now on.

Iamcheeseman · 13/01/2017 17:18

Bins for cooking! He's not stupid.

I do all the cooking but in exchange DH washes up. He'd never dream of asking me to cook him anything though. If I don't fancy cooking or I'm not eating at the same time he'll happy sort his own food out.

OneWithTheForce · 13/01/2017 17:20

He used to do a lot more washing up than me but I do a lot of that now because it just builds up and I can't stand it.

he used to do a lot more washjng up than me but I do a lot of that now because he doesn't and I can't stand it

Fixed that for you.

ageingrunner · 13/01/2017 17:20

I don't like putting bins out but if someone offered to do all the cooking if I put the bins out, I'd think myself very very lucky!

Original poster
ShowMePotatoSalad · 13/01/2017 17:20

No, not all the washing up, but that was a job he did most of. i've started doing more now because it's just chaos. I know I'm making excuses though and there isn't an excuse for how things are at the moment and I need to get it sorted. I do feel like I go from job to job, looking after DS, going to work myself, cooking/cleaning. DH is sat in there with my dad, just chilling out. I haven't chilled out all day.

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 13/01/2017 17:20

You need a dishwasher.

It sounds like a shit "blokes together" joke. Definitely practice your "what did you just say?" Look.

Jackiebrambles · 13/01/2017 17:21

Yeah bins for all cooking / washing up is a shit deal!

Think he's cooked his goose with that crappy comment eh? What a tool.

Into the kitchen post haste my good man. Dinner won't cook itself!

Happyhippy45 · 13/01/2017 17:21

Personally I think you're being a bit sensitive. If you had intended to go a make dinner and he made what sounds very much like a joke about you "getting on with making dinner." I don't see a problem.....apart from it was a shit joke.
My DH will say shit like that too. Not meaning to be sexist, just trying to be funny. Tell him to make his own....then tell him you're just joking.

liz70 · 13/01/2017 17:22

That would have been met with, "Don't. Fucking. Speak. To. Me. Like. That. " from me. Angry Thankfully, DH wouldn't dream of it.

giantpurplepeopleeater · 13/01/2017 17:24

FUCK THAT!!

Why are you in the kitchen cooking while he chills with your dad. Go out there and BE WITH YOUR DAD. Cooking can either (a) wait (b) he can do it or (c) he can order a take away

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 13/01/2017 17:25

Going to work myself You mean you also work (out of the home) on top of everything else??

OneWithTheForce · 13/01/2017 17:26

DH is sat in there with my dad, just chilling out. I haven't chilled out all day.

So go and fucking chill with your dad. Walk in, tell DH the onions/potatoes/meat are (doing whatever they are doing) like you expect him to attend to them (just like he expected you to jump to his dinner command) and sit down and talk to your dad. If he ignores you then say nothing. Just stay sitting. He'l realise eventually that his dinner is burning andsay something, at whichever point you say "well I did tell you the were cooking! You should have checked them!"

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 13/01/2017 17:26

Is your Dad staying for dinner? If so what would happen if after you've all eaten you turned to DH and said 'Right, it's my time to relax now, can you do the dishes please?'

Your setup sounds completely unfair. I currently do the majority of the cooking at home because I work part time and DH works full time plus studies in the evening. This doesn't mean he just kicks back automatically - he always asks me if I'm ok to do the cooking or would I like him to take a turn, and he often does the dishes afterwards. This is because even though he currently works more than me he does not see cooking as being MY job, it's just A job that I often do.

Wineandrosesagain · 13/01/2017 17:27

Op I would have been furious with my DH if he spoke to me like that - and especially in front of my DF (he'd have been very Hmm about such a comment too). There seems to be a big imbalance in your relationship and even if your DH was joking - he sounds like a bit of a twat.

Original poster
ShowMePotatoSalad · 13/01/2017 17:27

I'm primarily making DS's tea (and getting started with our's so I don't have to do two lots of chopping etc). I'd cook for my DS every day of the week, no questions asked. DH too, so long as he didn't make shit jokes about women going to the kitchen, and also definitely doing a bit more than the bins (now that I think about it that is a bit shite).

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 13/01/2017 17:29

I would have told him to piss off.

I've been at home with DS today and DH has just come home from work. I'm currently hiding away upstairs MN'ing with a cup of tea whilst DH entertains DS and cooks dinner.

Being a SAHP doesn't mean you have to cook every night.

I've never understood the angst around the "manly job" of putting the bins out.... Its a big container on wheels, it's hardly a strenuous activity that is on equal par with cooking each meal time.

Allthebestnamesareused · 13/01/2017 17:29

Dinner at 5pm????

WorraLiberty · 13/01/2017 17:30

He'd prefer not to cook and I'd prefer not to do the recycling/bins, so that's how we split it. It suits me down to the ground (no traipsing round with bin bags) and he's also happy with the arrangement.

What is it with so many women on Mumsnet and bloody bins? Confused

You'd seriously rather cook a full meal every single day, rather than stick a bit of rubbish out?

Original poster
ShowMePotatoSalad · 13/01/2017 17:30

Allthebest dinner for DS in 10 minutes or so. I've done some prep for mine and DH's dinner later.

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 13/01/2017 17:31

Does your dads xy chromosomes stop him entering the kitchen too?

I think you overreacted to an ill thought out joke. But all the same I can't see why you don't say "great DH Is home to watch DS so why don't you join me in the kitchen Dad while I get on tea?"
I don't really get the "division of labour" comments either. Sounds more like a business negotiation than a marriage if you have to deal out the tasks... "I'll do x and y and you do a and b" !?!?!? Why not "let's both work for the benefit of our family"?

kittybiscuits · 13/01/2017 17:32

I'm astonished you only said 'knob'. How much backstory is there?

Potnoodlewilld0 · 13/01/2017 17:32

Why did you go in the kitchen? Why didn't you just plonk yourself down and carry on chatting to your dad?

colouringinagain · 13/01/2017 17:33

IMO if you're doing all the cooking, he should do all the washing up, after dinner.

I'm assuming you do all the laundry? If so the bins are definitely his!

liz70 · 13/01/2017 17:35

"Dinner at 5pm????"

What difference does the time make? What's it to you if people have their tea, at 5, 6, 7, 8, 9… ???? Confused