to expect a lift home from station?

[feduptiredcommuter]

Have done a 7 hour round trip journey today. Wanted a lift from station as it's pissing it down, I'm tired and aching.

Phoned my DC, who is dropping a mate home so can't come and get me. Even though it's my bloody car!

It's only a 10 min walk but AIBU?

YABVU - you let your son have the car today and didn't tell him that you might need a lift yet you're mad at him for not being available?

You called him 30 minutes before you were due to get in, he can't help the fact that he wasn't available for you exactly when you wanted him to be there. If you had said "I had told him this morning that I might want to get a lift home and would call him" or even "I had a long commute, called him when I left to say I was starting home and would appreciate a lift home, but would confirm that time when I had caught the last connection (so about 30 mins out from when I'd need the lift)" then you might have an argument, but you can't expect him to be on standby to drop evrything to come and collect you as soon as you call.

Also, it's not clear the distances ... you live 10 minutes walk from the station, but since it would be a 40 minute round trip to drop his friends off perhaps he was at a friend A's house which was 10 minutes drive from home, and his other friends lived 10/15 minutes drive further in that direction. Perhaps the others had planned to get a bus/walk home before the rain got so heavy and only stayed because he offered them a lift and now had no way home. To collect you first, they'd all have to wait at friend A's house for those extra 25 minutes, your son would have to drive 10 minutes, pick you up, drive you a couple of minutes home, then go back on himself to A's house, then continue in that direction to drop his friends off, then drive home. However, if he'd dropped them off first then he could collect you on the "return" leg of his journey, the only downside would be you'd have to wait a few minutes for him to arrive, then you could both go home together.

What would you have done if you'd called and said "I'm 25 minutes away, can you give me a lift from the station?" and he'd been 30 or 40 minutes away (eg just hanging out at a friend's house or running an errand of his own). Would you have been so quick to take the keys off him then when his only "offence" has been to be more than 25 minutes away from the station?

As he'd already started the journey and the car was full then I don't think he's done anything wrong.

This. Yabu to expect your dc to dump his friends at the side of the road and come get you when you hadn't previously told him you'd want a lift (from a station 10 minutes away) or been able to give him a time until he'd already set off.

Yabu to expect your dc to dump his friends at the side of the road and come get you when you hadn't previously told him you'd want a lift (from a station 10 minutes away) or been able to give him a time until he'd already set off.

Agreed

Stop being a wet blanket and unless disability prevents you from walking ten minutes, stop being so lazy! I live 30 minutes from our train station and wouldn't dream of summonsing someone to pick me up or doing anything other than walk and yes, I regularly do journeys of a similar length to the op.

Some people need to read the OP's posts

he was just setting off from there when I arrived. He could have come to get me and then gone back for them

Lweji all well and good. But expecting a lift rather than walking for ten minutes, is pretty pathetic for a healthy adult.

Lweji "Just setting off" can be anything from "Everyone is just starting getting their stuff/shoes/coats ready to go out" to "Everyone and their stuff is already in the car, just pulling off the drive when the DS' phone went and since it was his mum, he stopped to answer it"

Either way, the OP was on a train 25 minutes away and the DS was committed to an errand that would take 40 minutes, with no prior knowledge of the OP's request. Either the OP needed to suck it up and walk or suck it up and wait in the cold, not demand the DS drops what he's doing because it was more convenient for her.

Didn't OP say she was just getting home from an extremely long day (7 hours round trip,) tired, cold & in the rain. I know I would have been pissed off, however I would have said, "well come & get me first."
People are inventing any scenario in order to prove the "what ifs".
I wouldn't give a shit where the friends lived, he was "just setting off" & could have detoured, & simply fitted mum in (10 mins walk/3 min ride) then taken this bunch of friends home.

Pretty surprised at the responses tbh. You give your kid permission to use your car and he uses it. You don't give him enough notice to ask for a lift and suddenly he's an ungrateful brat who won't be getting access to the car anymore.

Unless he has a crystal ball or ESP, I think yabu.

But expecting a lift rather than walking for ten minutes,

In the rain...

And as the OP arrived they were setting off, but she had called about half an hour later. That means her son could easily have left earlier to pick her up, leave her at home, then get back to his friends.
The OP doesn't seem to think he was 40 min away from the station.

Quite frankly, if I knew my parent who had lent me their car needed a lift I'd just got my lazy arse out of the house and drive them.

Its her bloody car though!

OP "Gave him permission to use the car" but it could well have been under different circumstances.
It could have been more like "he whined and moaned for me to let him use it, he never gets off his arse. Just sits around with his mates all day. He expects everything on a plate and doesn't do any favours in return."

Jesus H. Christ!

No wonder kids are so bloody rude and selfish these days.

OP, YANBU to be pissed off with him, not in the slightest. As a certain TV judge says, he should be kissing the ground on which you walk, thanking you for the very air he breathes. He is 18 not 8... he should have outgrown taking you for granted.

He needs a job, bills, financial responsibilities, basically to start being a grown up. Being carless might be a good start!

It could have been more like "he whined and moaned for me to let him use it, he never gets off his arse. Just sits around with his mates all day. He expects everything on a plate and doesn't do any favours in return."

Or it could be, he cleans, tidies, cooks every meal and has just finished decorating the house from top to bottom and wanted to borrow the car so him and his mates could volunteer at the homeless shelter.

So it doesn't help if either of us dream up a back story we have no evidence for that supports our view of the situation.

GilMartin Exactly.

But going by the OP's posts, sounds like he has the car all the time. He has taken over use of the car.
He is looking for work 'allegedly'

I'm not getting the impression that he is an amazing son who runs around after his mum, or he wouldn't leave her in the pissing down rain.

OP correct me if I'm wrong.

But he didn't "leave her in the pissing down rain" because he couldn't be bothered to fetch her, nor let her walk because he was sitting on his backside at home. Due to the fact the OP had not made any arrangement, nor given him any notice she might want a lift around about this time, he had already committed to being somewhere else at the time she phoned.
I'd think I (or the OP) had done a pretty poor job of raising dc if they didn't do something they'd committed to.

YANBU. Family help each other out, he needs to learn that. What was stopping him getting mate in car, picking you up, dropping mate home thdn driving you both home..even if it were a husband wife scdnario - I would still say you are a team and friends could be late getting home/flexible so as to pick someone up. Its what families do

What was stopping him getting mate in car, picking you up, dropping mate home thdn driving you both home

OP has already said there were 3 friends and there wouldn't have been room in the car for her too.

Not sure how his helping his friends makes him selfish.

I did a similar (slightly longer) trip on Thursday and had a 45 minute cycle home from the station in the sleet, nor getting home until around 9pm. I cant imagine ever asking someone to turf out to save me a ten minute walk unless I was very ill or in severe pain.

Any half-decent friend would have understood if he'd said "sorry, mums just rung and she needs a lift home from the station, so I need to do that before I run you back"

But it wouldn't have been "Lads, give me 10 minutes to run mum home before I drop you all off" It would have been "Guys, you all have to wait at least an hour for that lift home I promised you despite the fact that dropping you all home now would only take 40 minutes total because mum needs picking up in 25 minutes time." (25 minute wait till he picks OP up, then time to drive her home, then back to the friend's house where they all are then the 40 minute round trip to drop them all off a home)

I'm sure in any other circumstances he would have had no problem with the lift, or could have shifted things around a bit but on this occasion, it just wasn't possible. The OP didn't give him the information until shortly before the pick up time, so he couldn't plan his own arrangements with that possibility in mind. To accommodate his own commitment, he couldn't collect the OP when she needed to be collected but to acommodate the OPs request he couldn't fulfil the committment he'd already made to other people ... so because the OP's request was made with such short notice and would require him to totally rearrange everything, he decided to stick to the commitment he had already made.

A lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on mine, and I won't be changing all my plans and arrangements just to accommodate someone else's last minute issue, which is clearly how the OP's son felt.

The responses on this thread are batshit.

Unless you mentioned a pick up earlier in the day/day before I think it's a tiny bit ureasonable. However as he was nearby he was very ungrateful to not come get you and tbh you shouldn't have asked you should have just told him to pick you up before the friends drop off.

I think you are possibly spoiling him a little? My allowance of £15 a month ended at 16 and I paid for my own driving lessons, insurance, tax and car. I had to work to pay for it all but it was worth it! If you take away all the freebies and luxuries he won't be 'allegedly' finding a job he will find one asap to get his freedom back and realise how good he had it 🙂

You can't be mad at him, he didn't know what time you'd be back. It sounds like he'd have picked you up if he could. He'd probably already told his friends he was going drive them home. It's only 10 minutes! Not fun in the rain though.

My parents were very generous with their car when I was a teenager, no conditions set on its use. I would never have done what OP's son did here. I'd have gone to pick up my mum stuck in the rain, and I'd have told my mates I'd be back for them after that. My mates wouldn't have had any problem with that, for two reasons: a) they're all at another mate's house, warm and dry and able to carry on drinking Diamond White and talking shit, and b) they weren't arseholes.

You've been a mug OP. Never mind him 'needing' the car in future. He's shown he takes that for granted.

YABU. Either give him use of the car without these additional caveats of "you have to come and get me whenever I call" or don't give him use of it at all.

If it helps, he's probably feeling guilty about not being able to get you. I know I would, especially if it was raining that hard. You might find that if something like this happened again, he'd make a different choice.

what GosseberryJam says